


Wool Over My Eyes

by ChromeHoplite



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Blood Brothers, Blowjobs, But they also get violent, CanonReference, Criminal!Levi, Eren is a Shit, Eruri BrOTP, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Marriage Proposal, MastermindArminArlert, Masturbation, Multi, Past Eruri Mentions, Past Underage, Prisonguard!Eren, STD reference, Shotgunning, SquadLeviReunited, Swearing, Things get fluffy, Water Sex, ereri, erumike - Freeform, experienced canon Eren jaeger, jealous!Eren, levihan brotp, reversed roles, smokingaddict
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-13 21:36:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 48,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9143212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChromeHoplite/pseuds/ChromeHoplite
Summary: Levi regains his past life memories when the bank robbery he's planned for weeks gets interrupted by another sexy bank robber. Once apprehended, he realizes Karma's a bitch when he's forced to relive Eren's canon traumas and that he might be the only one to remember. Are everyone's memories really failing them or is it an elaborate revenge plot for something he, himself doesn't remember doing?





	1. Wolf Among the Sheep

**Author's Note:**

> Another Reincarnation Fic - I can't help it- i love this trope so much! ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Music inspiration for this chapter: Hurricane by Panic! At the Disco

“I need Friday the thirteenth off, Kenny.”

“That’s in three weeks from now.”

“I don’t give a shit. I need it off.”

“Denied.”

“I have hemorrhoids.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Anal stenosis?”

“No.”

“Prolapsed rectum.”

 “Do I look like a fucking proctologist, Levi?”

“No.”

“It feels like it, because I’ve been looking at an asshole for the past five minutes. Get the fuck out of my office and start scouting for this mission.”

                And that was the end of that conversation. Needing the day off had nothing to do with superstitions, I wasn’t superstitious. I just needed the goddamned day off for an appointment. But you didn’t argue with Kenny. So here I was three fucking weeks later, a man short for this job due to diarrhea. Talk about fucking kismet.

“3:40. We have thirteen minutes left,” said Petra, a clear note of excitement in her tone. She was always the only one excited for this shit. As far as I was concerned I had twenty minutes left; thirteen in which to get the job done, and seven to get to the city’s Department of Construction and Inspections to finally discuss the living conditions I was currently enduring.

“We better get going soon. It’s been on time for the past three weeks,” Gunter added checking his watch. He was sitting at a nearby table and I could see his right knee bouncing, a sure sign that he was anxious.

                I leaned back against the wall, taking a drag from my last cigarette listening absent-mindedly to my team ramble on. I knew part of it was nerves, but fuck, we had done this plenty of times before. They weren’t rookies anymore.

“We can’t leave too early, though. We have a solid four-minute window to get in and out,” Oluo chimed in. Leave it to that guy to always have to put in his two cents. He was annoying as fuck and a copy-cat extraordinaire, but he was still good at getting shit done. They all were. Even Erd, who was “indisposed” at the moment.

 Petra leaned onto the window sill, binoculars in hand and peered across the street and into the alley where she could clearly see two men sitting on a garbage bin, waiting for the truck to arrive. When the time came, the men would jump off the bins, open the doors to the back of the truck, then add a code into a nearby security system. They would be met by the bank manager, who would pass them bags of money to be transferred to a more secure facility. As far as banks went, this one wasn’t loaded, but it held enough before the daily transfer to make its hold up worthwhile.

                Petra shot a glance over her shoulder at me and a crooked smile reached the corners of her lips, a flirtatious thing she did when Oluo wasn’t looking. I cocked an eyebrow at her in return, knowing I had fully been caught staring at her ass.

                Petra was hot, there was no denying it; but I didn’t need the hassle of another woman in my life. The one I left this morning in my shitty, dilapidated apartment, had me strapped for cash and time enough as it was.  She was the reason I got involved with Kenny in the first place. I was the product of a fifty-dollar quickie in a back alley, similar to the one we were currently scouting. And when she’d finally gotten sick when I was fifteen, I quit school and looked to my uncle for help. Instead of actual help though, he’d given me a series of assignments. I started with break-and-enters, and moved my way up to the wonderful world of small business hold-ups; nothing spectacular, mostly convenience stores, gas stations and arcades. I’d even held up a brothel, not so much to steal from men like my scum sperm donor, but more to incite a little bit of fear in the bastards. I managed to rob eight johns (while divesting them of their i.d. as blackmail in case they hurt the sex workers) before security was finally alerted and I was chased out. 

Kenny hadn’t ordered the looting, but he hadn’t been upset about it either. I was later informed  that sketches of my mug had been placed in all the brothels within a hundred mile radius, a warning to patrons; most of whom were elected officials and public service workers. Whatever, it was only ever going to work once.  

Impressed by my initiative and planning of the whole thing, Kenny finally assigned me a team last year, and together, we started taking on larger robberies. Petra, Oluo, Guther and Erd were good people, but like myself, they all had commitments that a life of honest work couldn’t provide. Kenny provided though; like five percent of our job profits, and it was enough. Even though mom was in the Late Stage of Syphilis and didn’t require the penicillin anymore, the heart meds to try to prevent further damage to the organ and anti-inflammatory, bone and joint drugs needed for her to be comfortable were still expensive as fuck and working a part time job at a place where I would be qualified enough wouldn’t cut it. I seriously doubted that barking orders at people and occasionally beating the shit out of them, were in high demand in this economy. Fuck unions for making everyone so soft.

Besides, this stellar career path let me plan my jobs from home, and the ideal work hours didn’t have me gone for any extended periods of time. After all her hardships, mom didn’t need to suffer needlessly.

“Alright shitstains, it’s time to go.” I said speaking for the first time since we had arrived in the building across the street and four stories up from the bank. Gunther reached into a bag and started handing out the masks he had chosen for us to wear for this assignment. He switched it up every time for fear of being linked to the string of crimes we had committed as a group. He learned early on as a child from watching Home Alone not to repeat the mistakes of the Wet Bandits. He tossed a mask in my direction, and once I caught it, I turned it over in my hands to look at it with disgust.

“Tch, what the fuck is this supposed to be? A duck with blood on its face?”

“It’s Chica from Five Nights at Freddy’s,” he answered, shock clearly written on his face due to the fact that I lacked a normal person’s pop culture knowledge.

                I glared at the other masks as they were secured in place over the faces of my team, then looked back on my own. “You all look fucking stupid. Oluo, give me the bear.”

“But I don’t want to be the duck.” he whined petulantly.

“I don’t give two shits what you want. Give me the fucking bear.” I said approaching the idiot to rip the fucking mask off his face, when the shit took it off himself and held it high above his head.

                _Ass. Hole_. I wasn’t about to jump at it like some pathetic puppy reaching for a treat. Gunther’s face broke into a shit-eating grin anticipating what was being set in motion.

Fuck, we didn’t have time for this; I as good as gave Oluo an order and that bastard was wasting our time. Instead of reaching up for the mask, I grabbed the piece of shit by the shirt and pulled his stupid face down to meet my own. Before he could react, I brought up my knee to his face and heard a satisfying crunch as it made contact. Blood spewed copiously and he let go of the mask reflexively to clutch his nose. I caught the mask before it hit the floor and secured it onto my own head.

“Now you don’t get to come with us, in case you leave blood somewhere.” He starred daggers at me from behind his hands and opened his mouth to say something. Petra gave him a warning glare, correctly reading my annoyance.  “Here are your choices: Go back to Kenny’s and explain why your nose is broken. Once he hears you didn’t follow instructions, he might take your current pain away by displacing it to your fingers, or ribs instead. Or, you can go back to your apartment, not breathe a fucking word of it to anyone, and we’ll split your cut between the rest of us.”

                Oluo nodded, his eyes streaming with tears. I picked up the duck mask and handed it to Gunter, “Put this on. That’s for giving it to me in the first place, you sonofabitch.” Gunter nodded right away and replaced his own fox-looking mask for the duck one.

                I led them down the flights of stairs and when we reached the door to the outside, I paused, causing everyone else to stop in their tracks behind me. I looked at my watch and held it above my head. I heard Petra read the time out loud as Gunther checked his own to make sure it was the same down to the very second.

Ten minutes left. We needed to be quick. I gripped my holster, more out of comfort than concern and waited for a solitary car to go past. As usual, the streets at this time were deserted. No need to cover up our masks, just run across the street and get started.

“Let’s move!” I called in a voice muffled by the mask.

                I heard the door shut behind us and in my periphery, saw Oluo jog the other way, heading for home. _Good_. In a last moment before ripping open the bank door, I had a classic moment of doubt, envying the others for bring less identifiable; even Petra, who had a body androgynous enough to blend in. Me, not so much. Thank my fucking sperm donor for contributing to my short stature.

But it would never get to that. I’d never been caught before, and while mom only had a few weeks left, I sure as fuck wasn’t going to let her die alone.  

“This is a hold up! Don’t move, unless you want to be shitting bullets.” I said with clarity. No one could ever fault me for not sounding authoritative.  Everyone stood stock-still. My eyes ran over every inch of the front room and I counted four clients, three tellers, and the bank manager. Perfect. Each time I had sent Petra in to make a deposit (under a false name, of course), the bastard manager had been eating a late lunch with one of the young female tellers, flirting with an excruciating lack of finesse.

I made my way to the receptionist desk, craning my neck to check out the surveillance cameras. As expected the men outside sitting on the bins were still having a smoke and talking. I nodded towards Petra and Gunter and then to the tellers. They walked over to the counter where the workers stood in shock, positioning their guns menacingly and in less than a minute, the tellers and the manager joined the clients on the floor, belly down.

“Good.” I said looking at my watch, we were twenty seconds ahead of schedule. “We have eight minutes le…“ I started, but my voice was silenced as a crash resounded from the back. Fuck shit fuck! Since when, in the three weeks we’d been coming in, had anyone else ever been in the back? Before I even motioned for them to do so, Petra and Gunter moved towards the noise and positioned themselves one behind the other by door leading to the back room.  I looked back at the cameras, and sure enough, the two men outside were no longer on the bins, but knocked out on the ground. Before I could stop him, Gunther peered around the door frame and practically ate the butt of a riffle, dropping immediately, and knocking Petra down in the process.

“For fucks sakes.” I growled as four balaclava-clad individuals emerged from the back room that led to the side alley.

“This is a hold up,” the man leading the group said in booming voice that rivaled my own, “if you move an inch, I will blow your fucking head off. Now lay the fuck down on the ground.” The equally tall masked individual beside the speaker pointed to the already grounded individuals and then muttered something to him and the speaker nodded. “Right, just stay as you are.”

                Despite how the situation had turned to absolute shit, I couldn’t help but envy this new group their masks. Why couldn’t Gunther have picked out something like this?  But the masks they wore were only secondary in capturing my attention next to the gear they were wearing. What the fuck were they thinking carrying that shit around?  Big silver boxes nearly the size of guitar cases tied down to their bodies by a series of criss-crossing straps. And they weren’t wearing fucking shoes? Just stocks with the straps going under their feet. Fucking filthy.

I blinked and a vision of huge giants stuffing people into their mouths came to the forefront of my brain. As quickly as the impression came, it vanished. The fuck was that madness? I cocked my gun in the direction of the leader and cleared my throat.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Instead of words, I was answered by the sound of two other guns cocking in my direction and one bullet whizzing above my head and hitting the wooden beam behind me.

“Jesus Scarf, he wasn’t going to shoot!” the leader reprimanded the individual to his left. This person gave him an apathetic shrug. “Cinnamon, how the ever-loving fuck did we not know that we were interrupting another robbery?”

“Not sure. I mean, we’ve been scouting this location for a week, I never saw any of these…” the figure to the leader’s right replied waving his hand towards my teammates on the floor and then to myself. But something was off about his tone. Given the gravity of his fuck up, he didn’t seem at all rattled by it.

“Fuck you, we’ve been scouting this place for three weeks, we have dibs. Now get the fuck out!” I nearly growled.

“The way I see it, Freddy, you’re outnumbered,” the person who had fed Gunther the butt of his riffle said pointing his gun at the poor bastard laying on the floor trying desperately to speak with an obviously broken jaw.

“Who the fuck is Freddy?” I spat.

“It’s you, the bear,” Gunther groaned from the floor.

“Horse, let Titan handle it.” The individual named “Scarf” answered coolly.

“That suicidal bastard was about to drag Freckles in here sick with the stomach flu and I’m filling in for him as your number four, so unless he starts ‘handling it’, I’m leaving.”

                The leader, the one they called Titan, moved in closer to me but I stood my ground. Scarf and the one called Cinnamon followed him, never taking their eyes off me or lowering their weapons.

“Drop your gun.” Titan purred, as if trying to seduce me into becoming willingly defenseless. It didn’t work, obviously, but his voice did things to me. Made me grip my gun tighter, unravel the tight coil in my stomach and filled my mouth with unwanted moisture. I swallowed hard, making sure that when I spoke next, my voice wouldn’t break.

“Go to hell.” I told him gritting my teeth.

“We’re outnumbered, we should leave. Come back another day.” Petra said from where she sat on the ground.

“Fuck that, after today, they’ll increase security,” I said turning my head infinitesimally towards her, but keeping my eyes on Titan, who was now almost so close to me that I could feel the warmth of his body. When the tip of my gun finally touched his abdomen, he stopped moving. Cocky fucking bastard. His gun, on the other hand, was at his side, not that he had much to be worried about since Cinnamon and Scarf still had their guns pointed to my head.

“I’ll roshambo you for hold up privileges.” I could hear the smirk on this tall bastard’s lips.

“No, fuck you, this is my bank. Get out!” I repeated looking up at the giant standing before me. God, I didn’t even come up to his shoulders. I hated having him look down at me like that. I mean, I was used to it, being only 5’3, but something about the way this guy did it, unnerved me more than it annoyed me.  

                Titan put his armed hand back to pass his gun to Scarf who took it and aimed two pistols at my head now. Not knowing why the leader had given up his weapon, I braced myself for anything.

                Titan put his hands up to his face and started lifting his mask up, but only enough to reveal his strangely familiar mouth. He bit his lip sensually and appraised me. All I could do was shift my weight from one foot to the other as discretely as fucking possible as a distraction from the mouth that was now curled up in an enticing smile. I forced myself to tear my gaze away from his mouth, and my eyes settled on his tightly fitted long-sleeved t-shirt instead, revealing beautifully sharp clavicle and a lean, defined torso. Fuck, that wasn’t any better.

“Tell you what shorty, one round of roshambo. We’ve got about five minutes before the armoured truck gets here, and that barely gives you enough time to get in and out of that vault.” The stupid shit was right. I only had a four-minute window. With the guns pointed to my head, I hadn’t had a chance to check my watch, and I didn’t have a clock in my direct line of sight.

“Fuck, fine.” I said taking a step back. I put my fist out, refusing to let go of my gun, although it wasn’t pressed up against him anymore. I couldn’t help feeling more self-conscious about my size since I was about to engage in a child’s game. Oluo would be doubled over if he could see this. Fuck that bastard for his disobedience. Fuck Erd for his weak immune system. We would have actually had a chance to take these assholes if I wasn’t down two people.  

“You know, shorty, you have reeeeally pretty eyes. I can see them through your mask. What colour are they? I can’t really tell if they’re blue or grey…” Titan said putting his own fist in his hand. I felt the heat rush up the back of my neck and onto my ears.

“Fuck you, that’s what colour they are. Let’s hurry up and get this over with.”

                We counted together. One, Two… As I was about to form a rock with my fist, I heard the sound of screeching tires just outside the bank. My head whipped around and Titan knocked my gun out of my hand with his own hand set to form paper and it slid a good distance away from both of us. Before I could think about reaching for it, I heard doors slamming from outside quickly followed by the shrill voice of a woman on a megaphone. “This is Lieutenant Braus. Please come out with your hands up. We have the bank surrounded.”

                Not needing any more notice, all those involved in the robbery hid for cover in the lobby. I watched Petra, Gunther and Horse dive behind a coffee bar, while Cinnamon hid behind the receptionist’s desk. Titan was hurled bodily over the teller counter by Scarf and she followed suit.  Before I consciously made the decision to go after them, I saw Titan’s hand come up from behind the counter and wave. “Come on, shorty, there’s room for you back here!” he said. I pursed my lips and jumped the counter to slide down to the floor just left of the stupid ape.

                I breathed hard through my nose, tempted to rip off my fucking mask and shove it up his ass. As far as I was concerned this was all his fault. All of it. Not getting money to give Kenny will result in some harsh punishment, not getting money at all will mean that I’ll have to get it some other way to buy mom’s painkillers.

                I felt my heart beating through the thin fabric of my shirt, and sure enough parts of it felt damp as a result of the worry that was starting to settle in. I had never been this close to being caught. I was methodical, systematic, effective. I hadn’t ever heard or seen sirens in my vicinity when I was holding up a place. I leaned my head back against the counter trying to block out the sound of chatter between some of the civilians we had been holding at gun point mere seconds ago.

“If any of you gets the fuck off the floor,” Titan started, “I’ll send a round of bullets straight up your ass. Now lay the fuck down.” I met his face and a smug, little grin spread across it. I was confused as to whether I should be impressed or exasperated. The moment he put two thumbs up in front of his face like a fucking kid seeking my approval I decided I was definitely exasperated. What a fucking moron this guy was. I heard whoever had initially risen from their position on the floor get back down when the woman- Lieutenant Braus was it?- told us she was giving us three minutes before they were coming in.

“Hey- cue ball- the teller with the shaved head, can you hear me?” I asked after clearing my throat.

“Yeah?” cue ball answered hesitantly.

“Listen carefully you little shit and do as I say.”

                Titan barked a laugh. “You called _him_ little?” he said. I gave him a shove in the ribs, and he must have been surprised by the strength behind it because the sharp outtake of breath was loud.

“What’s your name, cue ball?” I asked, resuming my train of thought.

“Connie.”

“Connie? Listen, Connie. You’re going to get up, and Titan here isn’t going to give you a bullet enema. You’re going to walk out that front door with your hands up. When you get to this Braus-woman, you’re going to tell her that if she doesn’t want any blood on her hands, that she’ll leave with her crew and let us get out.”

“That’s not going to work.” Cinnamon answered from across the room.

“Did I ask for your fucking opinion?” I hissed.

“No, shorty, listen to what he has to say. He’s the brains behind all our stuff.” Titan interjected.

“Yeah, because he’s done a fucking bang up job today.” I mumbled.

“Go on, Cinnamon.” Titan urged regardless, like I hadn’t spoken at all. Disrespectful little shit. But I wouldn’t waste my time lecturing the smug bastard. No, what this idiot needed was to be disciplined. And painfully.

“It’s not protocol. They just won’t leave the scene of a crime.”

“They will if I have eight hostages here and tell them it’s the only way they’re getting out alive.”

“He’s got a point.” Titan offered.

“You shut the fuck up you overgrown shithead. It’s your fault we’re in this mess in the first place.”

“Don’t talk to him like that!” Scarf yelled at me, from the right of Titan.

“What are you? His mother?” I said leaning over Titan to get in her face.

“Um, can I go now?” Connie inquired.

“Yeah, get the fuck out of here.” I ordered. Titan got on his knees and peered over the counter, not like he had to stretch. My eyes roamed over his form and I couldn’t help but appreciate how his backside was nearly as gorgeous as his front. I chalked it up to being hormonal and eighteen, not to the fact that this asshole was desirable in any way, shape or form. 

“He’s at the door, he’s got his hand on the door bar, he’s pushing the door bar…” Titan said giving the most unwanted play-by-play ever in the history of time.

“Fucking hell, how hard is it for you to shut up?”

“Aaaaaaaand he’s out. Now what do we do?”

“We go over to the coffee bar where our accomplices are having a tea party and join them.” I told the idiot, who looked like he was actually considering it as he started getting to his feet. I grabbed his hand and yanked him back down to the floor so that he crumpled in a sitting position in front of me. I pulled away immediately, glaring at the fucker for giving me a shock. I saw in my mind’s eye something that played out in what I could only describe as a waking dream. A fantasy, maybe? Tying the fucker up to a pole and beating the shit out of him in front of an audience. The moment one of his teeth hit the floor as a result of a brutal kick to the jaw, I came back to my current state, guilt flooding freely through me, until I looked at him and his stupid-ass grin- teeth all in place, and too fucking perfect for words.

“Thanks for the shock, asshole.”

“What are you talking about? I didn’t feel anything.”

“Tch, so it’s not only your head that’s thick,” I said rolling my eyes. “Let’s give Connie one more minute to see if the Lieutenant has changed her mind.”

                Even from the bit of face he was revealing, I could see a blush spread across the bottom of his cheeks.

“What now? Why the fuck are you blushing?” I asked.

“That’s not the only thing that’s thick…”

“Oi, shithead. Get real, right fucking now.”

“Fine. You still wanna roshambo?”

                I cast him a disparaging look. Even without properly seeing his face, his body and voice gave away the fact that he was older than I was. How was I the only adult in this situation?

“How the fuck did we get the timing so wrong? I thought we still had time before the outside guards had to check in with First Wall Bank?”

“The funny thing is…” Titan started.

“Wait, let me stop you there, there is no funny thing. At all. In. This. Situation.” I said pushing him over with enough force that he actually fell back against a nearby desk. I wanted to strangle this stupid fuck. I was done with him. Done with the fact that he was impulsive and that he wasn’t taking this shit nearly as seriously as he should be. Done with him being a fucking brat! My brain stuck on the last word, repeating it in a variety of tones: starting with frustrated, aggravated, annoyed and condescending. It eventually moved onto bored, but quickly became engrossed, amused and exhilarated. When it got to tender, lustful and passionate my heart thumped so loudly, I thought everyone in the bank could hear it. But before anyone could have noticed, the word took on a panicked tone, followed by resignation, depression, longing and hopelessness. Despite my eyes being locked onto his, I saw Scarf move forward as if she wanted to kick my ass for having touched her precious Titan and he held his hand out for her to stop her advance.

“No, it’s funny, for real. I went swimming yesterday, right? And I must have left my watch on. I guess the time must have stopped, look…” he said twisting his wrist awkwardly. Sure enough, it read 3:49.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? You want to pull off a robbery at a precise time and you don’t even check your watch to make sure it’s working?” He shrugged in response. I turned my neck towards Scarf, “And you must know him well enough now to know that he’s a fucking moron and you don’t even bother to synchronize your watches? Even as a team?”

                I didn’t even bother waiting for a response. Instead, I jumped the simpleton until I was straddling his legs awkwardly, thanks to that weird metal gear shit he had strapped to his body and started beating my fists down on his face. He blocked them effortlessly, which pissed me off because Kenny himself had trained me to make people hurt. Worse still, the bastard was laughing. LAUGHING!

“Get off him you midget!” Scarf said coming closer to me again, this time she had one gun between my shoulder blades and the other on the back of my head.

“No deal –“ we heard from outside. “Your time is nearly up, we’re breaking down the front door in exactly one minute.”

“Fuck!” I said renewing my desire to beat this asshole to a pulp.

_Let’s have some fun this beat is sick, I wanna take a ride on your disco stick…_

                I felt it vibrate through his pants against my left thigh before I registered what the actual words were singing. Lady fucking Gaga? What was wrong with this guy? He blocked again with his right forearm and put up his left index finger to indicate that he needed a minute from my beating. I don’t know why I stopped; curiosity maybe? He reached in his pocket and pulled out his phone.

“It’s about time! Yeah. Be here in a minute. Okay, bye,” he said hanging up. “Horse, Cinnamon, Scarf, time to roll, we have to call this one a dud.”

“You’re just going to walk out the front door? Be my guest, it will be a good enough distraction for us,” I said smirking for the first time today.

“Not quite,” Scarf answered. She got to her feet and jumped onto the counter, seeming unaffected by any additional weight the contraption they had all been wearing might have imposed. I watched as she gripped two handles she pulled out from the metal boxes and gave them a squeeze. Something tugged at my memory as I watched some sort of grappling hook fly upwards and secure itself near the skylight. When she released the pressure on the handles, she flew up to meet where the hook had landed.

                Out of sheer instinct I held my breath the closer she got to the glass, but she maneuvered herself in a graceful spin, timing it perfectly for her legs to kick through. Glass shattered all around and in a moment, she was out of the building and gone. Cinnamon and Horse followed suit.

“Sorry shorty, this is where we say goodbye for now,” Titan said trying to sound nonchalant, but his voice was heavy with lust. He shoved my mask off my head in a swift movement and pulled the front of my shirt forward, forcing me to practically fall onto his mouth. He refused to relinquish his grip as I fought against it; at least until I blinked long enough to register a blinding light just behind my eye lids. Before I could consciously tell myself to keep fighting, my eyes drew to a close of their own accord and the taste of him became instantly familiar. The way his tongue explored my mouth became predictable and I was able to anticipate his body tensing and his hips bucking upwards to be met with the friction he longed for in response to the moan I could no longer suppress. I could have counteracted the way his hands moved to the back of my head, one grasping a handful of dark hair and the other running up my undercut. I could have stopped it all, because my body was reacting as though it had memorized each movement, as though I had done this thousands of times. But I didn’t stop it. I physically couldn’t. I felt whole for the first time in what must have been at least a millennium.

                I gasped, not wanting to let go, but I fell over as he stood up. Actually, I fell pretty hard, hitting my head in the process. A different kind of light, more like stars, started dancing in front of my eyes. But even with my vision swimming, I could make out the big idiot jumping onto the counter and engaging the gear he had on with ease. As a set of wires pulled him up towards the ruined skylight, I remembered with pleasure the shape of that tight, muscular ass. My eyes had been glued to it way too many times in both training and in combat.

 _Eren_ …

And I was out cold.

                When I came to, my head was pounding. I felt exactly like I had raided Uncle Kenny’s liquor cabinet when I was eight. Nausea overwhelmed me and I shot up wasting no time to try to run to the washroom before yacking all over myself, but instead I was met with resistance, in the form of too loud clanking and cold as fuck metal. I clasped my mouth shut and swallowed what came up.

                Once the threat of puking had passed I repositioned myself in a - bed? What the fuck was I doing in a bed? I looked around but nothing was recognizable. It wasn’t the shitty apartment I shared with mom. As hard as it was to believe, it was much shittier. And cold. And there were no windows. And it was fucking dark.

                I put my head in my hands, feeling the chains strain against the wall to which they were secured.

“The fuck am I?” I asked nobody in particular. I heard a click and it was immediately followed by the smallest of illumination. I couldn’t see too many details, but the bars that went from one side of my room to the other were pretty obvious and just behind that, two figures: one of them feminine with shoulder-length hair and a scarf around her neck. This one was sitting on a chair, elbows on her knees peering over clasped fingers. Her gaze was as hard as ever. Mikasa Ackerman. And where Mikasa would be, so would…

Except he wasn’t identical to the Eren I remembered. This one was filled out, taller, older. His hair was longer, resembling his shifter form, his jaw far more square. But his eyes were the same; not just their cerulean hue, though. It was more the playful determination to dominate anything in his path that stood out. I kept my own eyes on him, trying to beckon him to my side as I had done successfully so many times before. I willed the lust and command I felt there to dominate a gaze that only a concussion-addled brain could give.

“Sorry,” Eren said in a voice so amused it didn’t suit the uniform he wore. “We’re literally up to our ears in prisoners, and the basement was all we had left.” He never moved from the wall on which he was leaning as he spoke. I clearly didn’t have the same effect on him in this life as I had in the last. It’s not like I commanded any type of respect or fear by being chained to a wall. What a weird twist of fate.

“Care to explain why I’m chained up here, brat.” I spat, sharper than I intended, but after having reawakened, the instinct to call him his former nickname was too difficult to repress.

“That’s for having assaulted two guards when you were brought in.” Mikasa informed me. I couldn’t remember any of it. Funny how I could remember shit that went down over a thousand years ago, but not anything that might have transpired since that shitshow of a robbery. She got to her feet, but not before picking up a file from the ground. I saw my name written across it, but it was thin; couldn’t hold more than a couple of papers in it. She looked at Eren sternly, a silent order for him to listen to her for once.  “Don’t you dare unlock him, you understand? Not alone, at least. Kirstein will be down here in four hours to spell you off.” She turned and left us on our own. I could hear her footsteps disappear in the distance as she ascended the spiral staircase.

                Once he seemed satisfied that she was gone, Eren approached the bars and wrapped his large hands around them, cocking his head to the side with an irresistible grin. His dress shirt was pushed half way up his arms, revealing the strong forearms that had blocked my punches. Despite having avoided bruising to his face, his arms hadn’t been so lucky. 

Part of me was relieved to see it, meaning the whole bank thing hadn’t been some weird-ass dream. Mind you, the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like a fucking night terror. Nothing had gone to plan. But why had Eren been there if he was currently working as what, a jail guard? And what about Mikassa- Scarf, I thought in annoyance. Made sense with all the protective bullshit she pulled at the bank. I guess old habits _did_ die hard.  And they wouldn’t have done shit without Arlert; that must have been Cinnamon- I didn’t really get that one. Mushroom would have been a better name, even Baby Erwin. And had Mikasa said Kirstein was relieving Eren? Of course, that was Horse, who else would it be? That stupid fucking face and his two-toned mane.

Something uncomfortable settled in my gut. What had happened to my squad? Damn it, if history repeated itself in some perverted hilarious way, my squad might have died in some shitty shoot out. My breath hitched in my throat and I bought up a hand to cover my eyes. I couldn’t recall bullets, but then again, I couldn’t recall being brought here, assaulting two guards and being chained to a fucking wall either. Best case scenario they got away and left me behind- it just wasn’t very likely.

                When I wasn’t paying attention to him, Eren made a sound. Even something as simple as throat clearing caught my attention the same way using a battering ram to my gut might have. But that was probably only because it was him. I had never been as taken with anybody else.

“So are you really the infamous Kenny’s nephew?” Eren asked, his interest peaked as his eyes lingered on every part of me he could make out under the thin sheet.

“You know I am, Eren. I told you after Historia’s coronation.”

“Historia? Who’s that? There’s no monarchy here…Wait, how do you know my name? I never gave it to you.”

 “Don’t play dumb, Eren. Why the fuck else would you have kissed me in the bank?”

                He shrugged. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’ve been here the whole time.” But he didn’t quite meet my eyes. Liar. Why was he lying right now, when it was just he and I? “Just ask the Deputy Warden, Mrs. Ackerman. She’ll probably come back once Kirstein comes in if you want to talk to her.”

“Right, your sister will forever cover for your dumb ass,” I said trying not to be annoyed; but Mikasa and I had never been on good terms back then, so I didn’t see why it should be different now.

“How did you know that…” he said, his face settling in a familiar dumbfounded expression that was one hundred percent Eren Jaeger. He had never been as bright as Armin, but he hadn’t ever been as manipulative either. He couldn’t hide shit, from anyone. So, the shock in his eyes right now was completely genuine.

“Come on, quit fucking around Jaeger. You gonna let me out now? This has been fun and all, an awesome throwback with a twist…” The very thought that he might not share my memories of our past had me rambling out of sheer anxiety. “Did you set this up so that I understood that it sucked balls to be behind bars every night? You know I did the best I could… and it wasn’t always a bad thing was it?” I asked mischievously, remembering how we turned his aversion to chains into a kink.

“Listen, shorty, I don’t know what you’re playing at, but you must be more concussed than Dr. Hanji had first assessed. I’ll go get her and be back soon.”

                I struggled against the restraints, wanting to go to him, to hold him in place. “Don’t you dare fucking leave me,” I ordered using the same words he uttered dozens of times whenever my night shifts came to an end. At first, it hadn’t mattered, but in a matter of weeks, I had begun taking doubles to watch him sleep. In a matter of months, I wasn’t watching anymore, I was joining him.

He rested his head against the bars, the light catching his eyes just enough to make them glow. He suddenly looked ravenous. “Look at you talking like you have any authority over me.” This couldn’t be. He didn’t remember a damned thing.

“Fuck you Eren, don’t do this. I swear, once I get out of here, I’ll jog your memory by beating the living shit out of you.” I went from panicked to furious in the same amount of time it took most people to shut their eyes when they sneezed. My lip curled, and I suppressed a snarl. He seemed to enjoy my aggressive display. His full lips grinned involuntarily and confirmed his pleasure when he said “Not bad.”


	2. Burn My Lungs & Curse My Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi recalls more of his past with Eren, but becomes ever more irritable due to nicotine withdrawals. He also gets his "One phone call". 
> 
> /still sucking at the chapter summaries. Do these ever get easier/more fun to write?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the last time this chapter was up, I've switched a couple of things- namely, Kuchel's STD. I have the ending planned out, and it was increasingly difficult to figure out how to kill her off and not have it ruin everything else, so yeah, im taking the easy way out and not killing her :)
> 
> Song inspiration for this chapter: Nicotine by Panic! At the Disco

                I heard Eren’s footsteps as he came down the spiral staircase. He’d always been about as graceful as a cat falling into water (unless he was flying with his maneuver gear), and he invariably stomped around like a drunk elephant when he was trying to be stealthy. I lost count of how many times he had tried to sneak out of the barracks to come up to the old castle in the dead of night in our past life. I always heard him coming from a mile away- and so did every other veteran who shared my floor.  The kid was loud no matter what the fuck he did.  God, the brat was so determined to surprise me, that I used to feign sleeping to avoid seeing the disappointed expression on his face when he found me standing at my door waiting for him. I’m not sure how he figured he would ever catch me unaware though, I barely ever slept (a habit that seems to have carried over), and even if he made it as far as the door, it took him an eternity of fumbling with the key I had given him before he could gain access to my room.  

Except for that one time after a shitload of paperwork…

I went to lie down, fully intending on catching the kid off-guard again, but I must have been more exhausted than I thought. The next thing I knew, I felt the mattress sag behind me as he got onto it. The action made me roll back somewhat until I met his bare chest. Back then, his temperature blazed under his bronze skin, even through my shirt. He fumbled with my shirt buttons from behind, and when the last one had come undone, his featherlight fingers ran down my torso and as they came back up, his nails grazed over the hard dips of my abs. I bit the inside of my cheek to avoid being detected, but the moment I felt his thumb rolling over my nipple, I shivered. By the time his mouth moved from the back of my neck to my ear and breathe a laugh, I knew I had been found out. He continued his ministrations by cramming his hand down my pants and I let myself luxuriate in the heat and pleasure provided by the fucking hormonal teenager behind me.

                But now hearing his familiar heavy footfalls, I instinctively turned onto my side to face away from the bars, my body electric with anticipation. I breathed through my nose, trying to calm my pulse. It was the first time in the past seven hours I had felt anything other than restlessness. Fucking nicotine withdrawals.  

“I think he’s finally asleep,” I heard the horse-faced bastard tell Eren. I heard the brat hum in response, sounding disinterested. After his last assessment of me through the bars, we hadn’t spoken much. I didn’t really know what to say to him. I mostly wanted to ask him if he remembered, but I was more afraid of him answering in the negative. So, I just shut up.

“How long is he supposed to stay tied up? There must be regulations against that or something?” Kirstein questioned. 

“Who knows? Ask the Warden, he’s the one that decided. I just follow orders.” Eren responded in a bored voice. I almost huffed in response. That shit almost always took it as a personal challenge to disobey any order given to him by a superior.

“Yeah, I’ll see him at dinner and ask him then. I should be back in a half hour. If the kid needs to take a piss, tell him to wait it out and I’ll help you once I’m back,” Kirstein instructed as he practically galloped upstairs.

                After a few minutes, Eren dragged the solitary chair that was set against the far wall up to the bars that separated us and settled into it. I could feel his eyes on me; no boring _into_ me. Eren could never keep his intensity at bay, his eyes had always betrayed the secrecy of every single emotion that surfaced.  Some things never changed. I knew his anger when he stared daggers at me for making him muck out the stables, or his jealousy when he scowled at me for having to accompany Erwin to Sina for a meeting. Better still when he regarded me possessively prior to reclaiming what was his in an exhaustingly painful love making session upon my return from such a meeting. But for all of Eren’s defiance, determination and territoriality, it was his looks of tenderness that did me in. Those didn’t burn holes into me inasmuch as they set my entire being afire.   

                I scolded myself for letting this kid get to me – again. If anything bad had come out of my union with Eren it was how soft he had made me. Before him, there had only been Erwin’s goal, or my revenge- they were one and the same. But with Eren, a future to look forward to. In the end, it had only rendered me less capable of coping. I wouldn’t let it get to that this time, especially if the fucking brat didn’t remember a damned thing.

“Stop staring at my ass, Eren.” I said in a low tone as I sat up, stretched my neck and shook out my legs.

“Never,” came the one-word answer. I almost laughed. It was so Eren. I heard the familiar click of a Zippo then the satisfying drawn breath of a first drag. Fucking bastard. This kind of dick move was also very Eren.

“Are you doing that on purpose, brat?” I asked in a voice as menacing as I could muster. I wasn’t intimidated by Eren, even if he was a bit bigger this time around. And even though I wasn’t in the shape I had been in as _Humanity’s Strongest_ , I was still fit, a smart fighter and fast as fuck.

As I watched him blow out the smoke excruciatingly slow from his mouth, I felt the tiniest of tremors in my hands; and I wished (as I often had since first waking up in this cell) that my hands were free so I could distract myself from the withdrawal symptoms. Yep, Eren was totally fucking with me. He must have tasted the nicotine on my tongue when he had forced that kiss on me at the bank. No doubt the shithead thought this might be as close to torture as he was allowed to administer as a guard.

“Doing what?” he answered innocently. He brought the cigarette up to his lips again and inhaled deeply, locking eyes with me. He held it in is mouth, longer than necessary, then blew it out, tilting his head back, exposing his Adam’s apple. Once I caught him dragging his tongue on his lips to taste the smoke, I lost it.

“You know what the hell you’re doing. Kindly get me the fuck out of these,” I gestured to the chains with my head, “and give me that cigarette.”  

                He ignored my request. “Did you have a nice evening with Kirstein? He said you weren’t very talkative.”

“Don’t be stupid, I’ve always been talkative. Besides, he never said that. I overheard your conversation.” I replied, instantly regretting it.

“I thought you were sleeeeeeping.” Fuck.

“It’s not my fault you walk like a baby elephant, you graceless fuckwit.”

“Oh, you’re grouchy today.” I was always grouchy. I was downright murderous without nicotine though.

“Fuck off Eren, give me a drag.”

“Why didn’t you talk to Kirstein?”

“I had nothing to say to that Horse-Face,” I said simply. And I didn’t.

                Eren’s face split into a smile as he tapped the ashes of his cigarette onto the floor. When he smiled like that, it would have been easy to pretend that Eren was leading me on. That he really did remember everything, but I couldn’t come up with a valid reason as to why he would hide his recollections of us.

And to that end, why would Kirstein? He and I had a solid work relationship in the past. He was hands down one of the most dependable squad leaders in the Survey Corps. I can’t even say I disliked him when he irritated the living fuck out of Eren; it was amusing to see the brat wound up that way because there was only one sure way of getting him to calm the fuck down.

                How was it possible to have them all in one place, though? I mean the fact that I had found Eren was in and of itself a miracle. How had Eren and Mikasa come together? How had Kirstein and Arlert been added to the mix? And Braus and her cue-ball friend. And didn’t Eren say Hanji was a doctor here? What the actual fuck? There was no way I was the only one to remember everything. No, only one person could and would have orchestrated something like this.

“Is Erwin the warden?” I asked, shocking Eren with the question that seemed to come out of nowhere.

“Erwin who?” he asked confused.

“Smith.”

                Eren choked on the smoke he had inhaled and then let out of bark of a laugh so loud that its sound was amplified as it bounced off the walls. I watched him make an ass of himself, his volume and pitch higher than were necessary. When he regained his senses enough to look me in the eyes again, I opened my mouth to say something and he howled, his body convulsing so hard with laughter that he held himself, tears streaming down the side of his face.

“Well?” I asked annoyed.

He took in a deep breath and wiped his tears with his unoccupied hand. “Erwin fucking Smith? The warden?” he chuckled, “no.”

“Well, what the fuck is so funny then, shithead?” Eren just shrugged, and I wanted to punch him. He got up from his chair and walked over to the lock, putting the butt of the cigarette in his mouth while he fished for a specific key on the keyring attached to his belt.

                When he finally found it, it took him so long to unlock the damned thing that he had to remove the cigarette from his mouth to exhale and then put it back in. Bastard. If he wasn’t going to share, what the fuck was he doing?

“I don’t have to piss yet, Eren.” I said irritable, the craving for the remainder of his cigarette so strong, I could nearly taste it.

                While he let himself in and locked the door behind him, I stayed still. The craving I had mere seconds ago took a back seat to the longing that was taking its place as he neared my bed and stood at its end. I shifted, uncomfortable, and my legs tensed themselves under the sheets, unsure what the brat had planned. I could try to kick him if he came close enough, but I still wouldn’t be able to unlock myself if he fell out of reach.

                He took one last drag of his cigarette, hollowing his cheeks to make sure he took in as much smoke as possible until there was barely anything left, and threw the cigarette to the ground at his feet to stamp it. He looked at me hungrily and climbed onto the bed. He made his way over to me, crawling like a predator sizing up its prey. I remembered watching the Discovery Channel with mom when I was young, and it always made me angry to see the gazelle, immobile, ready to be pounced upon by the cheetah. I lost count of the amount of times I would yell at it to run away, but it just stood there, making the job easier for the dominant animal. I understood now, even with no possible escape; I was utterly transfixed by Eren’s stare and the way his arms flexed as he moved towards me. It didn’t fucking help one bit that he held my gaze seductively as he lowered his torso the closer he got to me or that I could feel of the pressure of his limbs as they rubbed up against my legs.

                He stopped when his forehead touched mine and any thought of assaulting him left me. His eyes shone brightly despite the dimly lit room; whereas my own widened in surprise. I shuddered before he pushed his mouth onto mine, and saw an amused expression cross his face.

                I groaned the moment we made contact, and felt him push the smoke into my mouth. It tasted a million times better than just menthol, because it was combined with the taste of Eren, and tea? The headiness of it made me boneless, and as the heat made its way down my throat, I felt the pressure of Eren’s body on mine increase. I opened my eyes, to see his were closed, and that his bruised arms were leaning against the wall above my head. My body reacted the only way that was acceptable in this situation: I got hard as fuck. I breathed through my nose, refusing to let him remove his mouth from my own and began kissing him in earnest. It wasn’t pretty and it sure as fuck wasn’t romantic. It was frantic. Our teeth clashed, our noses bumped, I licked his teeth instead of his lips and I bit his tongue. Desperate sounds I had never made before escaped mouth and in that moment, I didn’t care. When I got little to no reaction, I drew back. And while he didn’t back off, he turned his head to the side submissively, so I latched onto his jaw and licked down to his neck, where I bit the tender skin there. I heard his breathing become laboured, but that was it; he just let himself be attacked by my mouth. I moved my arms desperately trying to grab onto him, to bring his body closer, but the racket the chains made finally grabbed Eren’s attention. He pulled away and I stifled a whine. He got up quickly and I repressed the prickling sensation in my eyes and pushed down the rejection that was making its way to the surface.

Fucking hell. If this wasn’t karmic I didn’t know what was.  How many times had the brat thrown himself at me, and I had just stood there, unresponsive, letting him have his way with me? Part of the reason was that he had been far too young and far too inexperienced at the time for the things I had really wanted.  The other reason was that it was incredibly entertaining to see him try to force a response out of someone with the reputation of being an emotionless asshole. Each instance he pressed himself up against me in the empty stables or pushed me into a nearby closet, he was more resolute than the previous time and I had never felt more turned on by this kid’s fucking pluck and determination. How many times had I simply let him get it out of his system before I eventually gave in?

Would this brat ever give in now that our positions were reversed?

  Eren straightened his uniform as Mikasa and Jean made their appearance from the other side of the bars. I breathed a sigh of relief hoping he had heard the footsteps I hadn’t, instead of him outright rejecting me.

“Looks like you’re getting out of here,” Mikasa said impassively. I gaped at her expectantly. All thoughts of nicotine deprivation and horniness leaving immediately. Nobody questioned what Eren was doing inside my cell. Besides, it didn’t matter anymore, I had more pressing matters: Mom, her drugs, someone to come fix the fucking heat and the lead pipes in my shithole of an apartment. “Don’t look so happy, midget; we found a cell for you upstairs in cell block E.”

                I deflated as anxiety over the shitload of things I left my ailing mother to deal with started burying me.

“I haven’t had my phone call yet,” I said irritably. I noticed Mikasa gave Eren a nod, who came over to unlock the chains around my wrists. Jean moved in, assuming Eren might need backup. I had no desire to retaliate at this point, needing to figure out who I could contact for help instead.

“Bring inmate 5384 to the phones once you head upstairs,” Mikasa directed Eren. Jesus, she was still a bitch; she couldn’t even refer to me by my name. I nodded but she didn’t acknowledge it. “Once he’s done with the phone, bring him to Dr. Hanji to check up on his concussion and they’ll get him prison scrubs.”

                She tossed Eren some cuffs and he caught them with ease. He turned to face me, away from onlooking eyes, then smirked as he gave me a wink. _Fucker_ , I thought as he ran his thumb over my wrists where the last restraints had left their marks. I almost expected him to lean down and kiss them, the way I used to every morning when I went to fetch him from the basement. He had always claimed that I made the chain marks from the previous night fade – shithead; we both knew his shifting abilities were responsible for that. But he didn’t kiss mine, and I wasn’t going to complain about the pain no matter how little I wanted to wear the cuffs he held in his right hand.

                “Can’t we just shackle him?” I heard Eren’s voice, a little too loud as he addressed Mikasa. She followed his gaze to the red rings around my wrists. I didn’t say anything, and tried to keep my expression bored, to make it seem as though the outcome meant little to me. In truth, I held my breath, not for her verdict, but because I thought he would give away some clue that he remembered us.

“I didn’t bring any with me,” she pointed out, “besides, no preferential treatment; it’ll teach the midget to try to beat the shit out of Wagner and Kefka.” Those names weren’t familiar to me, but it didn’t mean anything. After being with Eren for years, I realized that he knew way more people than I did- he was more outgoing after all.

When I didn’t put up a fight, she turned to go back upstairs and Jean allowed Eren and I passage so he could follow closely from behind, his hand on a taser just in case. Eren leaned in and whispered so low that Jean couldn’t hear him breathe “you’ll look lovely in orange.” I blushed. Fuck him.

*****

                Once we got upstairs, Eren led me to a noisy room filled with chatter and punctuated by angry shouts and the occasional desperate plea. In the far corner, someone was pressed up against the wall, phone cradled between his head and shoulder. Naturally, the only phone available would be next to the fucking idiot who was probably having phone sex. I frowned at Eren, who despite understanding the look I gave him, motioned towards the available phone smiling.

“You have one phone call for now, so better make it a good one.” Ass hat. We walked over to the phone and I looked at it as if it had just insulted my mother.

“Do you have something I can wipe the phone with?” I asked refusing to take the phone he offered me. He dug into his pocket and took out a handkerchief- _a handkerchief_! Who even carried those now? It was pure white, stainless, and despite having been in his pocket, creased only in the areas it had been ironed. I took it, and instead of wiping down the damned thing, I kept it as a filter between my mouth and the receiver.

                He looked expectantly, as though I would give it back. Fuck him; I had lost one too many cravats to wipe off his blood, or the blood of his foes from his face. The least he could do is let me keep this one. When he realized he was fighting a losing battle, he walked over to the masturbator next to me, grabbed him by the back of the shirt and told him his time was up. I turned my body away from him, not wanting to see the guy’s dick hanging out, but heard as the receiver was slammed onto the cradle.

                I looked at the dial pad with trepidation, not sure who I should call. I couldn’t waste the call on someone who may or may not be there. My first choice had been Petra. She knew mom, and mom tolerated her. She would have gladly checked up on her. Might have even offered to stay there until we worked this mess out. But she wouldn’t have been able to get the drugs mom needed, she wasn’t in a better financial position than I was. Besides, there was no guarantee she hadn’t been shot to death in our last assignment, or been taken to prison (this one or another- if this one segregated genders). No Petra was out- as was anyone from my former squad.

                The only choice I had left was Kenny. He would definitely be able to afford the drugs, and mom was his sister for Chrissakes.

I tightened my hold on the phone and started to feel unease spread through me; it wouldn’t take much at this point for me to become an utter mess. I dialed the familiar number with trembling fingers. It rang once, twice and on the third ring someone picked up.

“Yeah?”

“Kenny?”

“Oh, fuck you kid; you’re as good as dead to me right now.” I expected as much, but it didn’t sting any less.

“Listen, I don’t have long…” I started, and I heard a click. Had he hung up on me? “You there?”

“Yeah, you have about thirty seconds of my time shitforbrains, so you better hurry,” he said abruptly. I could hear someone giggling in the background. Great. Not only was I calling after having been caught AND to ask for a favour, but I was interrupting his sexy time. Fucking fantastic.

“I need something.”

“What? A get out of jail free card, kid? I don’t have any of those. Fuck you for getting caught. I thought you were better than that.” I didn’t have anything to say. I thought the same thing.

“I need…” I was never good at this shit. I did everything myself and I wasn’t in the habit of asking for help from anyone; but in less than three years, this individual had managed to have me practically beg for his help twice. “I need you to go check on mom. And bring her some meds. She’ll be out by now, and I was going to meet an inspector after the job about the heat and water…” I knew I was rambling. I turned to where the masturbator had been standing for some measure of privacy, minding my feet as to avoid stepping in anything lewd.

“You know what, kid? I needed you to pull off an easy fucking job. Now I’m out that money- “

“You have plenty of money; just go to my place and pick up the empty bottles to get the refills!” I said raising my voice.

“I’m not stepping one foot inside that shithole you call a home. And I wasn’t done, so don’t interrupt me again you piece of shit or I’ll hang up. Because of you, I’m also out a team – I’m also out those two other jobs I had lined up for you this week.” Asshole. He wasn’t listening. I had wasted my one call.

“If you don’t go you’ll be out a sister too! She can’t take care of herself, you asshole. She’s got a heart condition, and she caught pneumonia last week or some shit and by the time I get out of here, she’ll probably already be…”  I had started by yelling, but the more I went on, the more my voice cracked like a prepubescent fucking child. I turned my head to see if I had caused a disturbance and noticed that some inmates _had_ turned to face me, but averted their eyes. I was by far the youngest person in the room, and I could tell they thought I was having some sort of tantrum. I couldn’t see Eren anywhere though and I was instantly grateful he had given me the privacy I needed to practically fall apart.

“I don’t give a fuck. We were never close.”

“Bullshit! When your parents died, she raised you! By her-fucking-self. She got into whoring herself _for you_! You owe her this!”

“She might have started for me, but she continued for you. You’re just as responsible for her dying as I am.” He was right. And I had nothing to retaliate with. “Don’t call again- and I’m not posting your bail. That’ll teach you for going into a job cocky, especially after sending Oluo home even when you were already a man down. So fuck you. You made your bed, now lie in it.” And he hung up.

                I stood there for what felt like an eternity, staring at the phone. I sucked in a deep breath and it seemed to lodge itself in my throat, making it harder to breathe. I slammed the receiver and pocketed the handkerchief. I knew Kenny was a ruthless asshole, I just didn’t think he was heartless.  What the fuck was I going to do now?

                Eren walked back in to come get me, and I think he was surprised by the venomous glare I shot him. If I hadn’t been knocked out at the bank, I could have made a run for it. This was his fault, I thought petulantly; I could have gotten away from a surrounded bank, couldn’t I?

No. Probably not. It was just easier to blame someone. It had always been easier to blame him. We left the room in silence, and I noticed his eyes were examining me again.

“I don’t need your fucking pity, Eren.”

“I don’t pity you,” he answered, but his voice said otherwise. “How is it that you know my name, and I don’t even know yours?”

“That’s the shittiest pickup line I’ve ever heard, Jaeger,” I shot back. He must know my name. At the very least, he would have seen the file Mikasa had when I first came to in the cell. Mind you, Eren was grossly oblivious to most things, so I wouldn’t put it past him to have not noticed it.

“See what I mean? You know my first and last name. I know you’re inmate 5384 and that you’re Kenny’s nephew, that’s all.”

“How the fuck do _you_ know Kenny?”

“Everyone knows Kenny. Half this jail is filled with Kenny’s boys.” Fantastic, and I was about to be thrown into the lion’s den which was Cell Block E. I hoped pointlessly that Eren was the only one who knew of my affiliation, or that if he wasn’t, that it was at the very least kept quiet.

“Levi.”

“No, I’m Eren, remember?”

“No dickstick, that’s my name. Levi Ackerman.”

                Eren frowned as he looked down at me and pursed his lips. He stopped abruptly at a door in the hallway with a nameplate that read “Dr. Hanji Zoe”.

“I’ll wait for you out here to bring you to your cell. Good luck with them,” he said nodding towards the door. He knocked on the door and I heard an excited scream from behind. Go figure my only hope left at this point would take the form of a fucking four-eyed freak.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once again for reading! Some sexier times next chapter as well as an interaction with my favorite Science Nutcase (these events are not in any way tied together!). 
> 
> Kudos & Comments make this writer super happy :)


	3. The One That I've Kept Closest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi meets with Hanji, which triggers some fun times in a past life. Hanji agrees to do a favor for Levi, as long as he does one for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to anyone who is reading this fic. This chapter is really where the Explicit rating comes in.  
> There are some mentions of Levi's past lovers (namely Erwin, Mike, a few nameless soldiers), but it's simply there as mentioned- I don't go into any details about it, other than saying it was consensual and between friends, rather than lovers. 
> 
> If it appeases anyone's mind, there will be no rape scenes (I know it's often associated with prison situations), and the only pairing that will get any kind of descriptive references is Ereri
> 
> This chapter's song inspiration: Crystallized by The Xx (specifically the Gorillaz Cover)

                The moment I heard Hanji’s shrill scream through the door, part of me tensed. I knew by that very distinctive sound, that I was either going to be pounced upon or manhandled, perhaps both. The other part of me that remained unnerved realized that for the first time ever, I was actually looking forward to seeing the four-eyed freak if not only to confirm that I wasn’t crazy.

Okay, maybe this wasn’t the first time I was happy to see them.  There had been that one time that I was supposed to attend a meeting with the other veterans in Erwin’s office. I went early, having skipped dinner because I didn’t feel like eating fucking potatoes - again. Once I reached the office, I knocked on the door but no response came. Since I hadn’t gone down to the mess hall, I wasn’t sure if Erwin had been there or not, so I called out for him.

“Eyebrows, you here?” Nobody. I opened the door, popped my head in tentatively and saw nothing as I scanned the room. Well, not _nothing._ Of course, he had three large chairs and a sofa, a handful of shelves, and that big ass desk. My eyes ran over the desk and the sight of it gave me a near panic attack. How was he leading the Survey Corps if he couldn’t keep his shit organized? There were maps, documents and shit strewn everywhere. Okay, maybe not shit per se, I’m sure it was all important; but Christ, it was a small miracle the giant bastard could find his head from his ass when it came to work.

I approached the desk hesitantly, casting a glance over my shoulder to the door that I had left ajar on purpose; I didn’t want anyone thinking I was snooping. I needed to find out what this damned meeting was about, so I could figure out a way to hurry it up. Why the hell had the Commander called a meeting tonight of all fucking nights. Tonight, was Monday night.

Monday nights belonged to me and Eren. Any time we managed to steal some moments together, it was by and large spontaneous, a lucky coincidence. But not Monday nights. That shit was planned and looked forward to. Mondays meant that ShitforGlasses hadn’t poked or prodded him in two days, and this gave him the time to recover from all the tests they ran on him. Monday nights, Eren was at maximum health, which meant he had the stamina of a normal horny twenty-year-old.  Go fucking figure Shitwin would want a meeting on the night Eren was supposed to be buried balls deep in me, or vice versa. 

I turned over some of the papers, but the compulsion to clean was stronger than I was; so, I started making neat, ordered piles. The maps were stacked one on top of the other, funding requests all in one folder instead of scattered on the desk and floor, supply requisitions were now held together by a paperclip and discipline records were folded in half and placed between two heavy books. I leaned forward on the giant’s fucking desk to reach a paper weight to keep the new cadets’ evaluations put, when I felt a hand roughly grab the back of my shirt to force my chest onto the smooth, hard surface before me and another hand firmly grab me by the left hip while a semi-hard cock thrust onto my ass. I gasped and shot a look to the left to see nearly a nearly healed hand with teeth indents holding my hip in place.

“You fucking brat! When the hell did you get so quiet?” I spat. The hand that had been holding my back down moved to my mouth and covered it.

“Shhhh….” He cooed in my ear as he leaned over my bent body. His hot breath against my ear made me shiver and seemed to redirect all my blood flow straight to my groin. “Why were you snooping on the Commander’s desk?” He asked removing his hand from my face and gripping my hips with both hands.  I couldn’t help it, I rocked back into him while his hold and his dick got firmer.

“I wasn’t snooping, I was tidying.” It hadn’t taken long for my arousal to catch up to Eren’s. The prominent bulge in my pants was straining against the fly and I found it to be painful and pleasurable in equal measures. 

“Of course, you were,” he said moving his hands into my front pockets to get a better grip to grind his hips into mine again. I felt his knuckles brush up against my erection that always curved slightly to the right and my head fell forwards so that I could see the condensation of my breath momentarily fog up the surface of the desk.  

“When I didn’t see you at dinner, I thought I should come see if you were dining in Commander Smith’s office.” His voice lost some of its bravado as he implied the absurd. He turned me over to look at me, and I leaned against the desk, not wanting to lose my footing; the little shit had my legs feeling like rubber with the pressure he had put on them from behind. Before I could respond, he cupped my ass to lift me and put me onto the desk, leaving my legs dangling so that we were nearly at the same height. I spread my legs, inviting him to move in closer, knowing full well where this conversation was going. I needed him close in moments like this, to hold his stare and his body so he couldn’t get away. I knew I would be terser than I wanted to be; I was always shit with words.

“Don’t be fucking stupid, Eren; you know it’s not like that with Erwin.”

“Not anymore,” he sulked looking away.

“Not anymore. And you know why,” I responded, grabbing his face in my hand, forcing him to see the intensity with which I was staring. “You fucking know why.”

In truth, we hadn’t really discussed it. I just expected him to know. There had always been rumours about the commander and I, not unlike those about my getting together with Eren. But with Erwin, as with Mike and half a dozen nameless cadets I had befriended that Eren would never know due to their early passing, it had only been sex. Once Eren had come into the picture, I had quit pursuing other avenues of stress release. Maybe it was just Eren’s youth, but he had yet to understand the value of just having consensual sex with friends to help lessen the burden this job put on your shoulders. None of us bore any enmity towards the others from finding serious partners.

“Show me why, again,” he hummed into the skin of my jawline. 

I moaned and I wrapped my legs around him to pull him even closer. The kid made me fucking wild with want. And goddammit it was Monday. Our Monday.

                It didn’t take long for Eren to read the situation and to push me back onto Erwin’s desk so that he could straddle my hips. I looked up at him, my appetite fully returned and grabbed the straps that ran across his torso. In a quick maneuver, I had them undone and he shrugged out of the harness. They fell back, though still attached to him and its noise was absorbed by my panting and his heavy breathing. I pawed his shirt, finally gaining enough purchase to pull it over his head and threw it behind my head, hearing it fall near Erwin’s chair. My nails ran the length of his beautiful skin, darkening under my touch, only to return to its normal tanned colour seconds later.

I admired the way his ribs expanded over his broad chest with every shuddering breath he took. He was no longer the scrawny, inexperienced kid I had first met in the dungeon; years of training had helped Eren develop into the man who hovered above me. He knew he was being watched, and he was going to make a show of it. As he bit his lower lip, I grabbed the key hanging around his neck, wrapping the leather string to which it was fastened twice around my hand and then pulled him down to my mouth. My other hand groped his pants in a desperate search for his bulge. Once I found it, I felt its girth, and despite the fact that we had been messing around for a little over six months, I was still stunned by his size. Eren’s preference to position his cock straight up in his pants meant that when he got rock hard, he had to readjust himself since the tip threatened to protrude from the top. And not having had the chance to reposition his cock, I found what I was looking for and ran my thumb over the pulsing head.

Even though he had started this by practically throwing me onto the desk, Eren wasn’t reacting the way I thought he would, didn’t seem as enthusiastic as he usually was. I tried to coax his lips apart, to tease his tongue out enough for me to suck, but while his body was responding, his mind seemed to be elsewhere. Shit, what had I done? Why was he denying me that Jaeger tenacity and bull-headedness I so loved? It might have been because we were on our superior’s desk, but I had a feeling it had more to do with the ongoing jealousy Eren felt towards my friend, who only happened to be one of my ex-lovers.

                I stopped kissing him, and he stilled over me, except to move his hands over mine to pin them to my sides. He squeezed them and I squeezed them back, a silent reassurance, our own private gesture that things were going to be okay.

“Eren, I had a meeting tonight, that’s why I was here,” I whispered as he put his head in the crook of my neck. He didn’t answer. Fuck, this brat was sometimes so confident that it often bordered on cocky, and then other times, he just couldn’t seem to keep it together.

“You know it’s only you, right?” I said, wriggling and shrugging, wanting him to look at me. He kept his eyes closed and leaned his forehead against mine.

“I guess,” he mumbled.

“No. Not I guess. It’s only you, Eren. It will always only be you. Now, and however many times I’m meant to come back to make up for all the shitty things I’ve done.” I knew the words were inadequate. But they were literally all I could offer him.

                He looked down at me, and I could see his Adam’s apple bob repeatedly, like it was taking a lot of restraint to not show how deeply he was affected by this declaration. I looked away, giving him time to compose himself, and in truth, I probably needed that time too. 

“I want you. Now,” he said, voice gruff with emotion. As if I could ever deny him. “Get your ass in the chair,” he commanded.

                He got up off me and pulled me to my feet. I turned, but not before grabbing him by the belt and dragging him to the chair off in the corner nearest the sofa. By the time we got there, I had deftly unfastened my own harness and felt it hit the back of my thighs as it hung from my waist.

“Not _that_ chair,” he interjected with confidence. I faced him and I saw him nodding towards the large leather chair behind the desk. I felt the heat rise to my face and I smirked at him.

“Eren, you kinky fuck.”

                I shut the door softly until I heard a click and made my way to Erwin’s favorite chair. Before I could sit down, Eren gave my pants a hard tug and they fell halfway down my thighs.  

“Going commando?” he asked, pulling one leg completely out of my pants.

“It’s Monday,” I shrugged. “The meeting came up last minute and I didn’t really have the chance to put on anything.” His amusement reached his eyes and I was glad that whatever bout of jealousy he had been experiencing had passed.

                He forced me down into Erwin’s chair, and the feel of the leather against my ass was so cold it might have been enough to kill my hard-on had he not dropped down between my legs and looked up at me with his doe eyes. People often likened Eren’s large eyes to something akin to innocence, but I knew better. Despite outranking him, I knew who was in command when we were intimate. And it was fine by me; sometimes you just needed to relinquish control to really feel something, to set yourself free.

His hands ran up and down my thighs, and the goosebumps that had risen due to the cold leather subsided under his hot touch. With one hand, he pushed my chest back so that I sunk into the comfortable chair. He pulled it closer towards him, so that I was now within reach of the desk and he hoisted my bare leg up so that it rested on the stack of papers I had organized minutes before. I looked down at him, pupils fully blown while his free hand gripped my cock tightly, causing the opening to leak. I hissed through my teeth and arched my back. The action forced his hand to slide down my length and I moaned as it made its way back up. Satisfied by my reaction, Eren proceeded to rub his thumb over the slit to smear what wetness he found there around the head. My body tensed, needing more friction, but he kept his other hand firmly on my lower abdomen, preventing any movement.

“Fuck, Eren. Give me something. Anything,” I whined.

“Undo your shirt, I want to see you,” he said looking up at me from under his lashes. I don’t even remember the last time I unbuttoned my shirt so quickly; I’m sure I lost a few buttons in the process. I didn’t even undo my cravat, I just wanted to follow his orders as quickly as possible so he would reward me.

                He pushed my shirt off to the sides of my body and looked at me like I was prey. He cocked his head, running his hand down my chest until he reached the little patch of hair under my navel. There, his hand stilled for a few moments, and then he continued to graze his fingers down my carefully trimmed path. He brought his face to my pelvis and was content to nuzzle the hair there and to breathe on and around my shaft. I could feel my legs tremble in anticipation and I almost said something when he finally pumped my cock twice with a tight grip and put the head in his mouth. The heat of it made me roll my eyes and call out something that was almost comprehensible. He laughed, my dick still in his mouth, and the vibrations made me grip the armrests. When he heard my nails drag themselves across the leather, he got the hint and slid his tongue along the head, and then ran the tip of it around the crown.

When I moaned louder than I wanted, he pulled away to look at me, long strands of saliva following his mouth. The look he gave me was so delicious, my spine bowed and a gasp spilled from my lips. He moved closer again and I wove my fingers through his hair, gently applying more pressure to the back of his head to feed the rest of my cock to his warm, welcoming mouth. He accepted it, inch by inch and it took all my will power not to grind my hips into his face.  He was just too good. My own breathing became ragged as I watched him slowly pull up, hollowing his cheeks and then pop my cock out of his mouth. He licked his lips, the fucking tease, and I took a shuddering breath.

“Done?” I asked almost disappointed, chest heaving.

“Not even close,” he whispered with a smug look.

He took me in hand again, gripping the base and he ran his tongue hard and excruciatingly slow at the underside of my cock. When he did it a second time, I felt him trace the outline of the vein as his thumb followed the trajectory of his tongue.  Pre-cum spilled out and he ran his lips across the slit, to take in the salty-sweet essence. When he squeezed me again moving his grip from the base to the head, more came out, and he rolled my cock across his mouth, onto his chin and down his neck. He took his time examining my swollen dick and blew gently at the tip, causing a frisson to rock my whole body.  Fuck. His cock worship alone was enough to finish me right now, but I so didn’t want it to end yet.

“More, Eren,” I managed to choke out. He grasped one of my hands, whose nails had been occupied with ruining Erwin’s leather armrest and secured it onto his own in the midst of jerking me off. The motion of our hands together fell in sync with the bobbing of his head and I could feel the excess spit from Eren’s mouth run down onto my hand. As I marvelled at the amount of lubricant this brat was able to produce, I heard him free his own cock from his pants. It was a small miracle I did, the kid was so sloppy giving head, and he drove me insane with both his technique and the lewd noises he made.

                Knowing the little shit was going to fist his own hard-on with his mouth on mine, temporarily robbed me of breath. When I realized I was in fact not going to pass out, I got greedy.

                “Deeper, Eren,” I moaned. He moved my hand away from his own and his rhythm slowed as I was able to feel my cock skim the back of his throat. Every time it did, I felt him swallow as he came up, only to repeat the action again. I was so torn. I had been waiting for release all day, but as I was about to get it, I wanted the same for Eren. I opened my eyes and I could see him properly now, on his knees, cock in hand and tears running down the side of his face with the exertion of shoving my cock as far down his throat as he could.

                “Fuck, Eren, I’m so close. I…I promise, I’ll… I’ll finish you on the des-“ But I didn’t get the chance to finish what I was saying; Eren stilled his movements and taking his mouth off me, pulled me roughly onto the ground from the chair.

“What the actual…”

“Shut up!” he hissed, pulling his nearby discarded shirt onto his lap. No sooner had he finished speaking, a click came from the direction of the door. We backed under the desk, and I was grateful that the monster desk was large enough to fit us both underneath and that it concealed us completely from the front of the office.

                _Fuck. Shit. Fuckity, Fuck, Fuck._ In all my excitement, I had forgotten to kept track of time.

“Yeah, I didn’t see Levi at dinner either. I’m sure he’ll show up, he must just be busy right now,” we heard Erwin say.

“Busy…” I heard Hanji chuckle. Fucking Four-Eyes was the only one who knew about me and Eren; I mean, most people suspected, but Hanji knew for sure. I had told them in a drunken stupor about my obsession with Eren prior to finally giving into the brat’s countless advances.  I had thoroughly been set up though, since it seems that during his routine experiments, Eren had also sought Hanji’s confidences and advice.  The latter had master-minded a series of _opportunities_ for Eren to make his move, and always encouraged him if I hadn’t responded the way he had hoped.

“I have stuff to do, Erwin, I don’t want to wait too long,” Mike said speaking up after what seemed like an eternity.

“We might as well sit down for a few minutes to wait for him to show up,” Erwin retorted. I could feel Eren shake next to me. His courage had gone along with his boner. I could hear the veterans pacing the room, and I knew, fucking knew, the moment Erwin came around to sit down in his defiled chair that we were done for. Of course, he wouldn’t have us court-martialed, we were all friends after all, but he could easily send us off on different expeditions.  Honestly though, I wasn’t sure what he’d be more distraught by, that I had been fucking Eren’s mouth in his chair, or that we were hiding under his desk, dicks hanging out of our pants like fucking teenagers. I took Eren’s hand in mine and squeezed it. He was almost green with worry and couldn’t even squeeze my hand back.

                We heard someone sit on the sofa, another person take a chair closest to the front of the desk and another set of footsteps nearing the back where we were hiding. I closed my eyes, waiting for the inevitable discovery, only to hear someone sit down and then feel a foot on my face. I hazarded a look and caught an eyeful of Hanji sitting on Erwin’s chair, smiling like the stupid fucking idiot they were.

“Looks like Levi’s already been here.” _Damn it Glasses, Shut the fuck up already_! “I mean, look how tidy your desk is. Everything’s been organized for you. Except for these maps, one of them looks crumpled.” Eren leaned his head on my shoulder and his breathing seem to decelerate. Hanji beamed at Mike and Erwin, but I knew their shit-eating grin was meant for me.

                Instead of coming up with a reasonable excuse to change rooms, Hanji kept us in Erwin’s office, under the desk for nearly three hours. They could have easily tried to move the meeting to their lab, insisting the men follow them, but no. And each of the six times Erwin tried to conclude the meeting, they came up with another topic they deemed urgent do discuss.  They were content to let my legs die from lack of circulation and for Eren to fall asleep on my shoulder. They even had to cover up for his snoring twice, since I was afraid that waking him up would cause him to make surprised sounds when he realized where he was.

                Yeah, so other than being able to see Hanji right this moment, in my present life, that was probably the only other time I could say that I was thrilled to see them. No matter how annoying they had been, and no matter how many times they had caught Eren and I, they had unwaveringly stood by me, and would have probably been the person I was closest to after Eren.

                I walked into their office, bracing myself for anything and I wasn’t totally disappointed when a mop of brown hair piled high on their head came at me, stopping inches from my face.

“Leviiiiiiii!” they screeched.

“Hey Glasses,” I said, surprised that my voice was timid. I ran my hand to my neck and I felt the heat settle there. When had I ever been shy around Hanji? They looked exactly as I remembered, and as with Eren, Mikasa and Jean, at least a decade older than I was. I didn’t get it, Hanji and I had been close in age last time, so I didn’t understand why we were so far apart this time around.

“Sit, sit…” they instructed me, motioning to the examination table.

“I’m fine,” I told them dismissively, a check-up isn’t what I needed; I just wanted them to confirm that I hadn’t gone bat-shit crazy. “So, you remember me?”

“Duh,” she grinned. Eloquent as ever.

“Oh, thank fuck!” and I actually threw my arms around them. See, that’s what I mean. I was never a hugger. Now? I was oversentimental. Was I like this as a teenager in my last life? Some memories were still so fuzzy.

They hugged back, awkwardly though. Like their body had forgotten how different our sizes were over the centuries. When I finally pulled back, they nodded towards the examination table again and I didn’t put up any resistance.

                They took out a small light from their lab coat and shone it in my eyes, silently instructing me to follow the direction of their fingers. “So, how much do you remember?” I asked, trying to sound nonchalant. What I really wanted to do was to grip the weirdly calm individual in front of me, and shake them until their familiar frantic madness came to the surface.

                They wrote something on the chart they had laying next to me and looked in my ears before answering. “I remember everything. Jesus, Levi, it’s hard not to.”

“I could kiss you right now, Glasses,” I huffed as they hit my knees with a small hammer.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to it,” they smirked. Okay, so this _was_ Hanji. What other physician would agree to kiss a newly-met patient?  

“I’m sure Moblit might have something to say about that, you fucking perv,” I couldn’t help but smile. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. They hummed their agreement as they velcroed the blood pressure cuff around my arm.

“You know, you’re a lot more chill this time around,” they said recording the results of my blood pressure.

“You know it was always just a façade. When you’re Humanity’s Strongest, you have a part to play. Fuck, I wish I hadn’t gotten that nickname. Talk about putting pressure on someone. I wasn’t that much older than I am now when they started calling me that. That would fuck anyone up, right? They’re just lucky I didn’t let it go to my head.”

“Humanity’s Strongest,” they snorted. “Strongest what, midget?”

“Oi, Shitty Glasses!” I snapped. They were still able to get under my skin, and they knew it. Hanji sat down on a chair opposite me and scratched a bunch of shit down onto their clipboard.

“I thought I would have nightmares though, you know, about the titans. About everyone who died. Maybe it’s too soon. Maybe things haven’t sunk in yet,” I said rambling again. “Do you have nightmares?”

“I get them occasionally. What do you remember about the titans, exactly?” they asked. Now we were getting somewhere.

“They all had… interesting faces. Grotesque, exaggerated features. Fuck, Zoe, you were there. You killed your fair share. Some were worse than others though. That beast one, I didn’t sleep for days…” Now that I was actually taking the time to recall them, I realized I had no desire to do so anymore. Those were not the aspects of my past that I wanted to remember. There was too much bloodshed, too many comrades lost. Too much death. But because of those things, all the good things had been intensified. You loved more desperately, held onto things more ferociously, fought more savagely for things you wanted. People gave up too easily now, which was why I would strengthen my resolve to make sure Eren remembered.

“How’s your head feeling, Levi? Since you were brought in, that is?” Hanji asked looking up at me from their clipboard.

“What do you mean, how’s my head. I’m talking to you about these fucking monsters, and you’re going to ask me about my head?”

“That’s exactly _why_ I’m asking about your head. I mean, if you’re going to talk about monsters, what did you call them- titans- you must still be under the effects of the concussion. It’s weird though, because I couldn’t see anything when I examined your eyes and your reaction times are alright. You might need a CT scan,” they said as though they were thinking out loud; something Hanji in the past had always done.   

“What the fuck, Glasses! You don’t remember them at all do you? The titans?”

“Sure I do, Shorty,” but their voice was uncertain. Like they were placating me.

                I looked into their eyes, hoping to see the manic look they used to get when talking about titans; but it wasn’t there.  Why hadn’t I noticed it when I had started talking to them about them? Shit, if they had remembered, they would have taken over the conversation completely. They were practically in love with the bastards. Instead, they peered at me over their glasses, concerned written plainly on their face.

                I dragged a hand over my eyes and felt my shoulders sag. A sudden numbness spread throughout my body as I replayed our conversation since I had come in.

“When I asked if you remembered me…”

“It’s barely been twenty-four hours since they brought you in Levi, of course I’d remember you,” they answered confused.

                Of course, they would. They weren’t remembering the hundreds of times we fought together, or all the times I dragged their disgustingly dirty body to the river to wash away their stench or all the times we snuck the wine Erwin got as gifts out from his office to get shitfaced after having lost someone on our respective squads.

“And you’re not with Moblit…”

“Not yet,” they answered winking, “but I’m trying to get him to notice me. He works in the cafeteria, and I try to talk him up whenever I grab a bite, but he seems intimidated by me.”

“No shit, you’re a walking disaster Hanji. I mean brilliant and all, but fuck…” So, they knew Moblit, but didn’t remember him, or how close they were. I wouldn’t exactly say that Moblit was to Hanji what Eren was to me, but they were really close.  I’m not even sure they ever got intimate; God, for his sake I hoped they hadn’t. Everything would have been documented and analyzed, samples would have been collected, artist’s interpretations would have been sketched and passed around for others to give feedback on form and position.

“But when you said I was a lot more chill this time…” Yes, the last time I was here, yesterday, I had been not quite myself, I had taken out two guards.

“I figured since you’re Kenny’s blood relative you’d be more like him; at least what I’ve heard of him.”

“Never fucking mind.” I jumped off the examination table and headed for the door. If they couldn’t help me, what was the fucking point of staying here any longer when I could just be with Eren, or at the very least, by his side while he led me god knows where.

“You think you’re having past life memories, don’t you?” they asked quietly, as I had put my hand on the door handle. My head shot back and looked at them incredulously. Were they fucking with me? Was _everyone_ fucking with me? I couldn’t recall how my past life had ended, but I was starting to suspect that I had done something monstrous. That must be it, otherwise why would all of them – Eren, Mikasa, Jean, now Hanji - be in on some revenge-coup.

                They stood up and put their clipboard on a nearby desk.

“I _know_ I’m having them,” I responded with certainty.

“How do you know it’s not just because you hit your head?”

“I got glimpses of my past before I hit my head,” I told them, furrowing my brow, trying to pin point exactly when I had first caught impressions of familiar circumstances.

“All your life?”

“No.”

“When?” they pressed on. When indeed. Never before the last hold up. Not before getting to the bank. Not before I threatened all the clients and staff.

“When I heard… him,” I realized.

“Who?”

“Eren,” I said in a small voice. He had been the catalyst. Why hadn’t I been his? The old pain of inadequacy came back; the guilt I always had being with him, feeling like he would have been better off with someone his own age, someone not as scarred, someone as beautifully alive as he was.

“Eren? Eren who?” they asked eyes going up to the ceiling like they were trying to think really hard about any Erens they might know. I knew they had come up with the right one when a stupid-ass grin spread across their face. “Not Jaeger?” They burst into a fit of laughter. They shot a hand to their mouth to muffle the decibel level, and the other waved in front of themselves, trying to beat back what I was implying. “Eren Jaeger is part of your past life? You remember him from this time you describe with the monsters?”

“I remember everyone,” I said sadly. It should bring me some solace, not to be remembered. That way, they couldn’t recall all the shitty things I had done. Wouldn’t understand how history had repeated itself and I had ended up being a fucking street rat again. They wouldn’t remember all the friends they’d lost.

“You remember me,” it wasn’t a question they were asking, “and you and I were friends.”

“Yes. Something like that,” I answered. I didn’t quite know how to explain my relationship to Hanji. At first, I couldn’t stand the four-eyed freak, but by the time we had retired, we had become family. I could be wrong, though; not having directly experienced a family in my past life, and only having mom in this one. If I had to give a title to this relationship, I would have called us siblings. I mean, we celebrated shit together, we had been there for one another, but I still wanted to beat the shit out of them on even the best of days.

“Were we lovers?” they asked their eyes widening expectantly as they neared my personal space.

“Fuck no, Four-Eyes!” I said pushing them away.

“But Jaeger was something to you, wasn’t he?” they cackled maniacally, the way they used to when I had let something slip about mine and Eren’s relationship. I was certain the freak got off on us getting off. Probably wouldn’t have been as interested if Eren hadn’t been a shifter, though. Still, the questions were always so fucking invasive.

                As though on cue, the freak grabbed my hands and brought her face down, level to my own. “You need to let me run some tests. I need some data to work with here, Levi.”

“Fuck off, Hanji. I’m not your science fair project.”

“No, seriously, Levi, you don’t understand. While I was studying medicine, I had a bunch of electives to take, so I did a lot of work for the Division of Perceptual Sciences. That’s how I met my boss here; but anyhow, people who claim to have past life memories are rare enough that when you meet someone who is convinced of it, you have to test the hell out of them!” Their familiar enthusiasm for titans seemed to have been replaced by their desire to study reincarnation. Funny how that worked.

“What kind of tests are we talking about here?” I asked warily. If they were anything like her titan tests, I was getting out of this office right fucking now. “You don’t plan on getting stabby or proddy with my ass, or some weird shit like that, do you?”

“Would you be open to hypnosis? An MRI? Some strategically placed electrodes?”

“Does strategically placed mean my dick or my sac?”

“No. Not unless you want it to,” they answered, not even embarrassed enough to blush.

“Fine, I’ll be open to it, but I want something in return.”

                Glasses practically foamed at the mouth when I had half agreed. So what if she didn’t remember _right this moment_ , they were willing to try. Maybe I would be able to convince them to come up with some way to trigger memories. Maybe to get Eren involved in their testing. I almost shook with excitement at that prospect, but I knew that this couldn’t be my request at the moment, I had something much more pressing to ask.

“I’m going to give you my home address. Pay attention Glasses, this is important. You’re going to go to this address and help the woman who lives there. Her name is Kuchel, she’s my mom.” I paused, a lump forming in my throat. They didn’t interrupt or ask me to continue; they simply waited patiently while I had a moment. “I lived with her until I got put in here. She’s really sick, Hanji. I need you to have her prescriptions refilled, they should all be on the counter in the kitchen, but I’ll give you a list of meds she needs in case she misplaced any of them in my absence.”

                I penned my address and the list of drugs mom needed and gave it to Hanji. They looked at the list and nodded. “Bacterial infection? Heart condition too?” she asked.

“Pneumonia, among other things.” I said eyes downcast.

“Don’t worry about it, Levi. I have this covered. I’ll come find you in your cell once I’m back.” They moved towards a cupboard and took out some prison attire for me and set it on the examination table. “Once you’re changed, I’ll head out.” They went to their desk as I got changed and pulled out a bag and threw in a prescription pad, along with the paper I had filled out and her medical examination kit.

“Right now?” I couldn’t be happier, but I hadn’t expected them to drop everything the moment I had made the request. Maybe deep down, Hanji did remember us, they just weren’t aware of it yet. Maybe they would come to a sudden realization the way I had. Whatever it was, I realized that mom might be in better hands with Hanji than myself, given she was a doctor and was able to write her prescriptions for whatever it was she needed. I’d still have to figure a way out of here, so I could tend to mom myself, but despite all this craziness, Hanji’s act of kindness and their quick agreement of the conditions I had set, bolstered my hope that maybe things would work themselves out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it. So far, Levi is all by himself in remembering. Next chapter will be an Eren POV, maybe that might help clear up some stuff. 
> 
> Comments & kudos are like fuel for this writer :P


	4. I Don't Remember Us Falling in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren POV chapter:  
> Tormented by guilt, Eren tries his best to help Levi's situation by visiting his ailing mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title (and lyrics in the chapter) come from Gabriel Royal's "Remember Us"- which is probably one of the most beautifully haunting songs I have ever heard. The whole of this fanfic was literally inspired by this one song. If you love all things soulmates and reincarnation, you definitely want to check this song out. 
> 
> Thanks again to miss_caity_cat and HARUBI for reading though :)

                The moment the door shut behind the small, sexy figure of Levi Ackerman, I started pacing. And not a bored, waste-my-time kind of pacing; this was more of a fuck-fuck-fuck what have I done, what am I going to do, kind of pacing. The Warden might think everything had gone to plan, but I wasn’t so sure anymore. Not after having overheard Levi’s phone call to Kenny. And I had just sat there and listened. I watched as the kid nearly fell apart in the corner as his uncle told him to go fuck himself. I had been directed to listen to the call and text the Warden if he had actually made contact with the man, but less than a minute into the conversation, I couldn’t tear myself away.

Christ Almighty, what had I done? What the hell had I agreed to in helping get that kid here? I knew I had to rectify the situation, but short of breaking him out of prison, I was all out of ideas. And as far as apologizing – what the hell do you say to someone whose mother’s death warrant you might have signed?

No, I needed to make this right and I’d start with what was most pressing. Finding the kid’s address should be easy enough given that I had his name now. Punch that shit into Google and voila. Get the address now, go to the address after work and make sure mom is okay.

I quit pacing and I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, did a quick search in the local directory for his full name aaaand nothing. I typed in L. Ackerman and still nothing. Fuck, even Ackerman came up empty. Nearby towns followed the same pattern when I thought that Shorty might not be local. I really shouldn’t be all that surprised though, the nephew of some big shot criminal probably didn’t register stuff under his own name.

 I crushed my phone in my left hand out of frustration (a preferable alternative to pitching it down the hall and into the wall), and heard it groan under the force I had used. I switched the phone to my right hand and shook out my left one. It hurt today, was more achy than usual. My mom always said it was something like arthritis, that when it was humid or cold old pains would resurface. But I didn’t remember ever hurting it so I just chalked it up to one of her many old wives’ tales. 

Okay, so this couldn’t wait until my shift was done. The Administrative office would be closed by the time I brought the kid to his cell and started my break. I stood unnaturally still (well, unnatural for me), staring at my feet as I let the waves of guilt wash over me. Come on, come on… think Jaeger. 

“I said what the hell’s your problem, ugly?” I didn’t even bother looking up after finally registering the raucous tone; only one shithead called me ugly, and I knew it was because he pined after my fine ass.

“It’s none of your damned business horse-face.” I grumbled.

“Christ, you’re like some petulant child. Did Kasa and I interrupt anything with the midget in the basement today? I could find some excuse to make the kid go back down there if you’re going to be a bitch about not having finished.”

                My head shot up and I saw him leaning casually against the wall. “Fucker. You perverts install cameras down there or something?” My annoying facade of self-assurance forced me to deliberately cock my head to the side, smirk and cross my arms as I considered how to dismiss the possibility of having been caught with the inmate. Deflection would work. “We’ll see if I get out of the condo the next time you and my sister want to bump uglies.”

“I’m just saying, you have a type, Jaeger. I know it, your sister knows it too. The moment I saw him at the bank…”

“Just shut up already. Do you want to get caught talking about it here of all places? Do you have any idea what the Warden would do to us? Christ, I’d never hear the end of it. Just think for once, you equine fuck,” I said grabbing him by the shirt, shaking him once and then pushing him back against the wall.

                I was much angrier than the situation warranted, my nerves pretty frayed from what felt like situational impotence. God, I didn’t want to be associated with any kind of impotence. I was a doer. I got shit done. This- this wasn’t me.

“Whatever man,” Jean said smoothing his work shirt seeming somewhat mollified by my outburst. “At break, Marco said the Boss had something for us this weekend, I was going to stop by to confirm on my way to Kasa’s office.”

                Not anymore, he wasn’t. I needed Jean to bring Levi to his cell. This might be the only time I could get to the Records Department before my shift ended.

“Wait. I need a favour,” I said putting my hand out to stop him from leaving, and he turned mid-step to regard me with an expression that was more horsey than ever: long-faced, eyes bulging and lips pulled back to reveal teeth that sometimes seemed too big for his smile.

“You’re kidding me, right?” I scratched the back of my head and looked at him somewhat ashamed.

“I wish. I hate owing you for shit. It’s just, this can’t wait.”

“Well, out with it. What do you want? I’ll decide proper payment once you let me know,” the bastard grinned.

“I need you to bring the inmate to his new cell. I have to get to the Records Department before Krista leaves for the day.”

“No way, man. Didn’t you hear me tell you that I was going to Kasa’s office. She’s on her _break_. Do you even know what that means?”

“I’m trying to forget that I know what it means. That’s still my sister,” I said with a disgusted look plastered to my face. “Does it ever freak you out that she’s my twin? Tell me Jeanbo, does being with her somehow equate to being with me in that sick twisted head of yours?”

“Listen here, you suicidal bastard, it was one time, and we were playing Truth or Dare.”

“I know, I was there. I heard you say that out of all the dudes in the room, you’d want _me_ to introduce you to the wonderful world of gay fucking.”

“Yeah, don’t flatter yourself, we were in the same room as Reiner, Bertholdt and Connie. And I was on my eighth Tall Boy. Also, may I remind you that you are _fraternal twins_ , and that you look next to nothing alike.”

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. Do you call her by her surname so you can pretend…”

“You need a favour right? Is this how you plan on getting it, by pissing me off, Jaeger?”

                Damn it, I got off course. It was just too easy with Jean. His temper nearly rivaled my own and it was really too bad that the little bit of experimentation he had done in college hadn’t turned him on to guys all that much. The kind of hatefuckfest that would no doubt result with Jean and me would be alright. More than alright. Only once though. As long as he had a paper bag over his head. Seriously, he really wasn’t my type.

“Please.” I mumbled out the side of my mouth.

“What’s that? I don’t think I heard you correctly?” Baaaastard.

“I said _please_.” There was barely any more volume than the last time. When the shithead cupped his ear with his hand and leaned in, I threw my hands out in frustration. “I fucking said please, okay? Now will you do it?” I needed him to agree to this before the doctor finished with Levi. I didn’t want to have to face him. Didn’t feel I deserved anything less than a hate-filled look.

I knew the type Jean had referred to: short, petite but solid, dark hair that was long on top with an undercut, angular features, a thin stern mouth, hooded gunmetal eyes… I was on some never-ending quest jumping from bars to clubs, karate dojos, dance studios, second-hand book stores, ballets, art exhibits, the circus; anywhere I thought this type would haunt. I found approximations, but they never really hit all the criteria. Mikasa and Armin thought I was being picky on purpose, that I was looking for someone specific, and I really wasn’t. I just wasn’t ready to give up what I wanted.

And that some kid I had lured to prison fit my type perfectly, that he looked at me with such tenderness in between glares had me completely wrecked. And I wanted more. Wanted to avoid the dejection and disappointment I saw in his eyes when I had ended our impromptu make-out session. Didn’t think I could really stomach doing that to him again. 

“Fine. I want you gone for the whole weekend,” Jean said interrupting my train of thought.

“The who-“ I balked.

“Yes, the whole goddamned weekend, because that’s how long it’s going to take me to make it up to your sister for missing our dinner date. Now go, before I change my mind.”

                I didn’t bother thanking him. The inconvenience of having to find a place to stay for the weekend was thanks enough. I turned and ran back the way Jean had come, past the phone room, the cafeteria, the library and straight into the Administrative office.

                After wasting four minutes sweet talking the receptionist, I found out that the prison did in fact have an address for Mr. Levi Ackerman, but that they didn’t have his file at this very moment.

“Well, who has the file?”

“The Warden. He needed to review it,” the cute blonde answered sweetly.

“Is he in, right now?”

“Yes, but he’s on a very important call with… Eren, you can’t just go in there!”

                I shut the door to the Warden’s office, effectively silencing her protests.

“Yeah, I understood. We’ll see about that,” the Warden said slamming the phone. “What is it, Eren?” he asked exasperated.

                I sat on the chair across the large desk and put my feet up, crossed my arms, and made myself comfortable. I was in here for the long haul since I knew he was going to make this more difficult than it had to be. Truth be told, I had half a mind to make things tougher for him as well seeing that I suspected him of withholding some mildly important facts from me. 

“I need Levi Ackerman’s home address,” I deadpanned.

“I don’t see why you would,” he answered me, taking off his glasses and cleaning them, “why don’t you tell me about it?”

“I need it because I need it. Listen, every single time you tell me to go to a bank, I’m there. I follow orders to a T. This time, I got you the kid, no questions asked. I want the same courtesy in return- I want the kid’s home address.”

“You didn’t ask questions about the kid because you knew why I was asking this of you,” he answered, pushing my feet off the desk. “Dammit, Eren, this isn’t your home, don’t get so comfortable.”

“Explain it to me again, then. Why did we have to get this petty thug? This kid?” I said leaning forward, putting my elbows on his immaculately organized desk. He turned in his chair behind the desk, stood and got the top file off a nearby pile. Once he sat back down, I saw the familiar face of Levi Ackerman scowling from the front of the file, attached by a simple paperclip. The file was much fuller than it had been yesterday.

“This kid, this petty thug as you called him, is one of two living relatives of Kenny Ackerman. The other one being his sister, but her whereabouts are unknown.”

                I felt my stomach drop at the mention of Levi’s mother and forced my face to remain as impassive as I could. Evidently, I failed because the Warden gave me a once-over.

“Unless, you know where Kuchel Ackerman is, Eren...” I just shrugged my shoulders and shook my head, but I also felt the tips of my ears go hot.

“Anyhow, as you know, Levi is Kenny’s nephew. He’s been under his uncle’s mentorship for some time now, which wouldn’t be so bad if he was an average eighteen-year-old. But he’s smart, leads well and he’s a little desperate. He started as some hooligan, and it’s now rumoured that he has his own gang of thugs, most of whom are with us now as a result of the bust the other day.” The Warden opened the file and pushed it towards me. I fingered through the dozen or so newspaper clippings, reading the headlines.

_Arcade Owner Brutally Attacked in Hold-up Still in Coma Three Weeks Later_

_One Arrested, One Still at Large in Brothel Hold Up_

_Pharmacy Robbed by Thug, Two Victims Left for Dead Discovered in Time_

_Mystery Gunman Kills One in Mugging Gone Wrong_

_Bodies of Two Bank Guards Found in Vault After Nighttime Robbery_

                I pushed the file back towards the Warden and leaned back in the leather chair.

“You’re saying this kid did all of this?”

“Well, we’re not one hundred percent sure, it’s not our job to solve these crimes, but there is strong evidence to suggest…”

“So you think that by having this kid here, we can draw in Kenny? What makes you think some asswipe Crime Boss would give a shit if his nephew was in jail? It’s not like he’d come marching here to pay his bail, or to have a nice chat with him during visiting hours.”

“You seem so certain, Eren,” the blonde said, regarding me over his spectacles.

“I’m not. It’s just common sense. This guy is wanted in what? Five states or something? No way in hell he shows up here,” I replied trying to cover up my major gaffe. I had practically admitted to having overheard something of significance over the phone. Damn it, you idiot, think before you speak!

“I know that. I’m just hoping that Mr. Ackerman, Levi, not Kenny; would be willing to testify against his uncle, should the cops be lucky enough to apprehend the older man.”

“If the cops haven’t caught him yet, it’s not going to happen anytime soon. You can’t keep this kid indefinitely; you of all people should know that.”

“I know. If we could just get him to talk. Give us information, tell us something that might lead us to his uncle.”

“He’d be as good as dead if he said anything. Do you know how many of Kenny Ackerman’s boys are in here? We’ll be hard pressed to make sure the kid doesn’t get beat to a pulp because half of them are pissed off at his uncle.”

“It’s not our only problem.”

“What’s not?” I asked incredulously. Keeping an eye on the kid 24/7 wasn’t the only problem?

“Apparently, the Shiganshina Department of Justice isn’t the only one who want Levi Ackerman.”

“You mean the feds want him too?”

“Bingo.”

“Don’t say Bingo, it makes you sound old.”

“Well, you’re right, then. I just got off the phone with one of them. They want to move the thug to a more secure penitentiary. They’re claiming it’s because he’s so dangerous, or has the potential to be, but I need him here. We need to keep him here.”

                As usual, he was right. Here there were only some shady characters associated with Kenny; in a larger facility they would be the downright murderous ones. If he’s here, I can keep an eye out for him. I wrinkled my nose at my own logic. The kid was practically a stranger. This feeling right here was all guilt, nothing more. Maybe some sexual attraction. Definitely nothing else.

 _“_ I agree. We need to keep him here.” The Warden cocked an eyebrow.

“What do we have here? Developed a softness towards him already, Eren?”

“What? No. I mean, he’s cute and all. A little surly, but fuck, come on, you know I have a type.” When the man sitting across from me gave me a knowing smile, I continued. “What is this? The world’s shittiest set up? I know I have shit luck when it comes to dating, but come on…” I got up to leave. I clearly wasn’t going to get what I came here for, and now I felt stupid.

“Do you feel anything for him at all, Eren? Anything? Familiarity? Longing?”

“No, you weirdo freak. I’m not into that love-at-first-sight bullshit. I’ll talk to you later okay?”

                I turned my back to him as he laughed and made to leave the room when I heard him stand up. “Listen, I’m going to need your help in a few days, to help convince the feds we can handle Ackerman, so I’ll give you his home address, but in good faith, alright?” I looked at him, trying to suppress a smirk. “And for God’s sake Eren, don’t get caught there okay? I have another job lined up for you and your friends three towns over this weekend. I can’t be a man down, understood?”

The similarity between the Warden and Kenny was somehow a little more striking.

***

                Though I had heard of the neighborhood I was currently driving through, I had never had the desire to be here, ever. It had a lousy reputation for being the home of hardened criminals, drug dealers and pimps, so it was kind of like work, but with a lot less order.

                I was on the right street, even though it had taken me getting out of my car and picking up the street sign that had been knocked down by some vehicle to read what it said. My car rolled at less than 5 mph as I whipped my head from left to right trying to look for the building numbers. Most of them were missing, or if by some miracle there were some on the outside walls, it was only one of a series.

                I knew I was looking for an apartment building since attached to the address I had a “suite 1012”; but this knowledge didn’t help in the least since most of the structures on the street were dilapidated high-rises.

                I slowed to a stop and parked my car in the only available spot on the whole street. It didn’t matter much that it was in front of a fire hydrant, since whoever had knocked down the street sign had done a good job of hitting this hydrant, a couple of mailboxes and a street light.  Besides, if there was a fire here, nobody would bother putting it out- it would probably cost the city a lot less than a prearranged demolition.

                I left my grossly out of place Jeep, felt the switchblade in my pocket, and breathed a little easier. It would do nothing against oncoming bullets but I was well-trained and could hold my own in  hand-to-hand combat situations if it came down to it. I was also relying on my size to intimidate the more non-threatening individuals of this area. 

                I walked past a condemned building with caution tape wrapped haphazardly around the property and wooden panels arranged crosswise among its windows, and came to a tiny bungalow pressed between two massive high-rises. With its bright yellow curtains and manicured front yard, the house was nearly as much at odds with the neighborhood as my vehicle. When I couldn’t find the house number, I continued only far enough be two doors down. A cry shot out from behind me and I spun to see that the bungalow that had stood immaculately seconds ago had collapsed, sending rubble flying into the street. I jumped behind the nearest car to take cover, confused as to what had happened. Other than the cry, there had been no other sound, no crashing, no exploding, nothing.  I heard the solitary strangled cry again followed by a “Don’t go” and ran towards it, certain someone had been hurt.

                Underneath the wreckage was a dark-haired, amber-eyed woman with tears streaming down her face, holding an arm out to, someone? As if in defeat, she brought her hand to her mouth to muffle her cries since her other arm had obviously gotten stuck in the wreckage. She was completely trapped, the weight of the house making it impossible to escape; and even if she did her legs had to have been crushed!

                I jumped the picket fence leading to what had been a picture perfect yard and started pulling uselessly on the beam that was trapping the woman. It quickly became obvious that  I wouldn’t be able to move it alone, so I took out my cell phone to call for help and sank to my knees to reassure the woman. Before I could punch the numbers to 911, I heard someone nearby fire a gun. I looked up in time to see a woman’s wrinkled face glaring at me, holding her gun above her head from the bottom step of the bungalow that had been in ruins some moments ago.

“I said, you have two seconds to get the fuck off my property or so help me God, I will shoot your pretty face off.”

                I shook my head, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. This wasn’t the first time I had mistaken fantasy for reality. It’s something that has repeatedly occurred since I was fifteen and there was no way in hell I was ever going to bring it up to anyone. Mikasa would be oppressively concerned, Armin would over-analyze everything I did, Dad would send me to some kind of nuthouse and Mom; well, Mom wasn’t around anymore. 

“I’m sorry,” I apologized to the old woman with the shotgun as I retreated carefully with my hands up. “I was looking for 685 Reeves Avenue. Can you help me?”

                She considered me, then gave me the appreciative look I was used to getting from women and men alike. _Please let my good looks save me from this crazy woman with a gun_ , I thought to myself. Christ, who was I calling crazy? I had just run into her yard to rescue someone who wasn’t even there.

                She didn’t say anything, but pointed to the derelict structure to the right of her house. Sure enough, there was an 8 on the building; the 6 and the 5 having fallen off. I nodded to the woman, who flashed me an aged breast and gave me a toothless grin in response.

                Despite the streets being more or less deserted (unless you count the dozens of rats fighting over scraps of food, and the mangy cats who fought over the scraps of rats), the neighborhood was still noisy. Even from outside the buildings, you could hear the groaning of ailing heaters. The windows were open in the dead of winter and you could make out couples fighting and throwing shit around. As if on cue, I had to sidestep a bottle of beer that flew out the third story of Levi’s building, as it crashed beside me, splashing the hem of my pants and shoes with cheap, sudsless beer.  It seems that I’d have to go home to change my uniform before going back to work.

                I was usually a ‘look-on-the-bright-side’ kind of guy, but I seriously couldn’t come up with anything nice to say about Levi’s place of residence. Faded throwies such as “Hoes Live Here”, “A Buck A Fuck” and “Welcome to Whoreville” coated the first four stories of the building. A refuse-filled tub that gave off the combined smell of rat poison and mildewed newsprint, as well as a soiled, stained mattress, complete with squatter passed out on it, lined both sides of the stairs that led to the main door, like absurd marble lions you often see guarding the gates of a mansion.             

I made sure not to make eye contact with the heroin addict shooting up on the top step as I took in  the crunch of glass and debris unbearably loud underfoot. I ground my teeth and held out my arm to open the door, but the knob was missing. I gave the door a tentative push, making sure to cover my hand with my jacket and the door practically swung open. That was it? Anyone could come in, then? It’s not that I had expected some high-end security system, but no locks on the outside doors of a high-rise was like a walk-in invitation for theft, wasn’t it? The moment the door slammed behind me, I knew why they didn’t need the knobs or any kind of B&E precautions. Nobody in their right mind would ever pillage this dump.

If the sounds of arguing couples could be heard from outside, it was nothing compared to the sounds making their way through the paper-thin walls and into the drafty hallway. I walked towards what I had assumed was the elevator, followed by an inharmonious symphony of people fucking, babies crying and dogs barking.

                There wasn’t an “out of service” sign on the elevator door, because there didn’t need to be any. From outside the elevator, you could see someone had smashed the mirrored walls within as well as completely demolished the brass bar that was supposed to line the back wall. The biggest hint that the elevator wasn’t working was the gaping hole inside the lift that led presumably to the basement.

                I walked down the length of the hall in search of a stairwell that would lead to the tenth floor, bewildered that someone like Levi would actually live in such a place. It’s not that I couldn’t believe that he was impoverished, but the fresh, laundered smell his clothes gave off, and the fragrance of his lavender-scented hair were in sharp contrast to the massive amounts of rat and mouse droppings lining the hallway as well as the mixture of pot and body odor absorbed by the cheap panelling of the walls.

                Walking up the ten flights of stairs was also a challenge. It’s not that I was out of breath, I ran five miles every morning to stay in shape, but it was slightly disconcerting to find soft spots in the floor especially when I had to feel my way in the dark. Despite the number of windows in the stairwell, they were mostly boarded up and the lightbulbs that hung from the fixtures were either smashed or had been stolen. Sweet Freckled Jesus, how did the kid come home to this each day?

                By the time I reached suite 1012, I was really starting to regret coming. I had no idea what was waiting for me on the other side of that door. More of the same that I had just trudged through? A dead mother? Why didn’t I just inquire about things first? Why did I always have to go into things head first, eyes shut and no questions asked?

                I took a deep breath and turned the knob on the door (wow, it actually had a knob). It didn’t budge. It was even locked, impressive. I grabbed my wallet from my back pocket (making sure the hallway was clear of possible thieves), and removed a credit card to start playing around with the lock. I was always better with this kind of stuff than keys. I was just all hands with keys, could never find the right one on a keychain, or I never put it in right.

                The door gave a little click and I winced as I let myself in, not sure what to expect, but the moment the door shut quietly behind me, I was stunned. The apartment was small, one bedroom, one bathroom and then an attached living space and kitchen. The ceiling was exceedingly low, not that it would matter much for Levi. And there were water stains if you looked up, but that was more a result of poor building maintenance rather than tenant maintenance. Other than that, the place was immaculate. Gone were the smells of mold, stale air and decaying materials, only to be replaced by lemon-scented cleaner and bleach. Despite knowing that Levi smoked and had a fondness for nicotine, or those things that tasted of nicotine, I was surprised that none of that scent lingered here. I wasn’t a regular smoker, Mikasa would kill me, but it was totally worth practicing on my break before going down to the dungeon, -er basement to see the poor kid wrecked by his nic craving.

                Right by the door was a small tray with two pairs of shoes: sneakers that were maybe a size eight (and probably belonged to Levi) and a very small pair of flats definitely belonging to a petite woman. I did the only courteous thing I could think of and removed my shoes. I bowed my head as I walked into the living space and couldn’t help but shiver. It was so cold in here, way worse than the drafty hallway. The two windows in the living room both had torn screens, but they had been covered by a thick, transparent plastic and taped down by several layers of duct tape in an effort to keep out any drafts. I ran my hand over the radiator near the small yellow and green patterned couch and felt nothing regardless of the thermostat reading seventy.

                I sat on the couch in the bare living room, not knowing what else to do (as I was trying to put off the inevitable – finding Levi’s mom), and looked around. No television, no phone, no lighting, some used candles, a small shelf of books, a book of Dylan Thomas poetry set on a neatly stacked pile of what looked like a bedsheet, an Ewoks comforter and a threadbare pillow.

                Opposite from where I sat were two doors, side by side, those I had previously assumed were a bedroom and a bathroom. From one of them, I heard a congested snore followed by a bit of hacking. I flinched, not only because it sounded painful, but in realizing that since this was a one bedroom place, Levi probably spent his nights on this uncomfortable sofa. I got up and tried to see if it was a pull-out because even as small as he was, his feet would hang over the side. No such luck though, this was it.

                I stood there, in the middle of the living space, relieved that Levi’s mom was not dead, but I struggled with how I should proceed. She didn’t know me from a hole in the wall and if she was anything like her son, she might try to start beating the shit out of me. Good work, Jaeger – thugs in the shittiest region of Shiganshina no problem- ailing women probably under five feet tall- terrifying. 

As if the woman could read my thoughts, she coughed again, shifting in her bed. Right, her medication. Most people kept their medication in the bathroom, so I stood outside the two closed doors trying to figure out which of the two held Levi’s mother. She coughed again and I walked towards the other door. As I made to open that door, the floor creaked loudly underfoot and I heard the woman shift noisily in her bed.

“Levi? Is that you?” I was speechless for the first time in my life. My mouth usually runs a lot faster than my brain, but this time they were both at a standstill. I heard her move again with a pitiful groan; no doubt she was trying to get up. Shit.

“No, Mrs. Ackerman, don’t get up, please. I’m Levi’s friend, he sent me to check up on you, make sure you’re okay,” I said with frenzied desperation. I was practically chewing on my left hand out of sheer nervousness, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if she had not heard me rambling.

“Eren? Is that you?”

                What. The. Hell? How did she know? Who told her I was coming over? Did Doctor Hanji put two and two together when she noticed Jean was there to collect Levi instead of me? Or did the Warden call ahead? No, nobody called. No phone. Am I going crazy? She must mean Aaron. Levi must have a friend named Aaron.

“Eren Jaeger, you answer me this instant or I’m coming out with a bat, do you hear me, young man?”

I panicked, so I blurted out: “Yes, Ma’am, it’s me. Eren Jaeger.”

“See, that wasn’t so hard. Give me a minute, I’ll put on my robe and I’ll be right out.”

“Mrs. Ackerman, please, stay in bed, I won’t be long. I’m just here to make sure you have the medication you need,” I pleaded. She was as stubborn as her son. I heard her shuffling around in her room, heard a “fuck” as she hit something, and then saw the door pull back to reveal an emaciated woman no taller than five feet with long black hair and an unknowing wandering, gaze.

She was holding herself up with as much dignity an individual leaning against a doorframe could. I didn’t hesitate going over to her to take her gently by the elbow with every intention of guiding her to the sofa, but she gripped me in a hug I thought too strong to be one of an ailing woman.

“I can’t see you, but I would know that beautiful voice anywhere. Come give me hug, I didn’t think I’d get to see you this time around.”  What on Earth was she talking about? How did she know me? What kind of joke was this? I’d almost be willing to put money on the fact that Jean had something to do with this.

“Mrs. Ackerman…” I was still at a loss for words. Come on, Eren, talk about anything. The first thing that comes up… “You’re blind.” Fantastic. Good job pointing out the obvious, dumbass. She gave a little chuckle and pat my cheek as I looked down at her.

“Tertiary stage syphilis,” she said simply. That explained the nonsense- it didn’t explain how she knew my name though. I tightened my grip on the woman when I felt her feet give out. A gust of air left her lungs as I scooped her up in my arms, and cradled her tightly against me.

“I’ll bring you back to your bed, Mrs. Ackerman,” I said not sure what to do at this point.

“Kuchel, Eren, stop calling me Mrs. Ackerman, you make me feel so old. And I don’t want to go back to my bedroom, even with a boy as handsome as you,” she replied wrapping her arms around my neck as though trying to convey that there was no way in hell she was going back in there. “I’ve been in that room for nearly two days, other than going to the washroom that is.”

“Are you hungry, Kuchel? Can I make you something to eat before I go refill your prescriptions?” I say putting her on the couch, and unfolding Levi’s comforter onto her lap. The poor thing was shivering so hard her teeth were making noise.

“You most certainly can,” she said firmly. I knew what was coming next. She was going to ask about- “Where’s my son, Eren? It’s not like him to…” she put a dainty hand to her eyes, and gripped the comforter tightly with the other, “has something happened to him? Is he okay?”

                Was it weird of me to notice that her nails were perfectly manicured? That they had a rich, sparkly color and that her hands were free of cuticles? I looked over to the small table tucked beside the fridge and saw a few shades of nail polish, nail files, buffers, tiny little scissors and nail clippers. With the way the woman was shaking, and not just from being cold, it wasn’t possible for her to have done such an immaculate job on her own. 

“No, yes. Nothing bad, Kuchel, he’ll be back soon, I promise.” I shouldn’t have said that. I have literally no way of keeping that promise. “He’s just a little tied up at the moment.”

                Her bark of a laugh caught me off-guard, she lowered her hand from her eyes, but this time covered her mouth and continued to giggle. “Tied up. With you eh, Eren? Some things really don’t ever change, especially between you two...” I couldn’t keep the smile that stretched across my face. I had no idea what the dirty old woman was talking about, but it seemed to make her happy.

                She was no dirtier than I was though. The sight of the small, lithe form of Levi Ackerman under worn-out, translucent sheets in the basement of the prison chained by his wrists to the wall had awoken a desire I hadn’t ever felt. It had taken all my resolve not to join the raven-haired man in bed once he had come to, especially with the knowledge that I was to be guarding him on my own that whole night. I had wanted so badly to push his shirt up and press him against the cool wall to see the goose pimples rise along his back. To run my hands down his sides and brush my fingertips over his protruding hip bones. Oh god, the things I wanted to do to him! And we could have been as loud as we wanted. Nobody would have heard us from down there.

What am I doing to myself? I’m sitting next to this sick woman, getting a hard-on thinking about her eighteen-year-old son. What the hell is the matter with me? 

“Let me go get your medicine first before I start your food. Where do you keep it?” I asked, my voice cracking like a prepubescent boy. She pointed to the kitchen counter. I pulled the comforter up to her chin and she cuddled it, trying to squeeze any trace of her son closer to herself.

                I was lucky I had come when I did. Two of her four pill containers were empty and would need to be refilled immediately. The bottles that weren’t empty had exactly one pill in each and I read the sides of the containers prior to setting them on the counter. These, she could take without eating anything, so I searched through a nearby cabinet looking for a glass to fill with water. When I couldn’t find any, I looked over the counter and noticed that two bowls, two spoons and two glasses had been washed and set to dry. They must have been there a while since the sink held no evidence of having held any water recently. What it did have was a series of nasty old rust marks around the edge and when I turned on the tap, the water ran brown before it cleared up. Scratch that idea.

                I went to the fridge and took out a quart of milk and shook it. The date was still okay, and when I poured a bit in and smelled it, it was fine. I brought them over to her and helped her hold the glass to her mouth since her shivering had grown almost out of control.

                She smiled, albeit weakly as I put the glass on the table and returned to her, unzipping my jacket to give it to her for extra heat. I usually ran a little hotter than normal people, so it might help while I figured out what to do about her heating problem. It wasn’t like I could get her a space heater, I didn’t want to have them paying for electricity they wouldn’t be able to afford.

“That better be a jacket you’re unzipping, Eren,” she said looking in my direction with a smirk. I smiled, wondering if Levi had inherited her sense of humour; if he had, I hadn’t seen it yet.

“It is, Kuchel. I’m going to put it on you okay, until I can make you something warm to eat.”

“Don’t fuss over me, Er-“ she started.

“Don’t you dare argue with me.” She moved forward on the sofa to let me put the jacket around her shoulders and to tuck her arms in. I had to roll up the sleeves to see her hands again and she held the jacket close to herself.

“You are much bigger this time around, aren’t you? Well, you’ve always been taller than Levi, but you’re bigger this time. That must make him quite happy.” A blush spread across her cheeks, and I was momentarily glad that she was blind and couldn’t see the blaze that had rushed up my own face. As I was zipping up the jacket, she ran her hand through the strands of hair that had escaped my poor attempt at a manbun. “And I like your hair this time too, longer, softer. Do you always tie it back like this? Does my son like to pull on it?” Her grin was irresistible, it held absolutely no shame in it. “And you must be so handsome, I’m so sad I can’t see you.”

“I’m not sure I understand anything you’re saying, Kuchel,” I answered honestly. What was it with all her “this time” shit. I had never grown my hair before. My friends teased me relentlessly about it, Mikasa hated it, but there was something that felt slightly more ‘me’ about having longer hair.

“No, I don’t suppose you do. Maybe it’s too soon for you. I’m older, Eren, and because I’m walking a fine line between living and dying, I think I remember things better.” It’s the syphilis, I told myself. I remembered when Armin’s grandpa had Alzheimer’s and was saying the weirdest crap about monsters and goddesses and somewhere called Paradise Island. Maybe this was similar.

“Okay, Kuchel,” I said smoothing her hair affectionately, “I’m going to raid your kitchen to see what I can make you.”

“Thank you, Eren dear. Would you mind turning on the music player in the kitchen? I haven’t heard anything but my coughing in days,” she said coughing again to punctuate her point.

“Sure.” I said locating her old cd player that wasn’t plugged into anything. It must run on batteries.

“Track six please,” came her soft yet demanding voice from the sofa.

                The small space was filled with the rich sound of cello as I searched through the cupboard for something to make. I was by no means a chef, but I knew my way around the kitchen. On my first try, I found one pack of Ramen noodles. The second cupboard yielded nothing, as did the third. The fridge was now empty of milk and had but a few condiments left.

 _My sister told me, "Be careful when falling in love."_  
But just like a child, I went and bit off just a little too much.  
  


                I didn’t know the song, but Kuchel sure did. She was humming along to it happily in the other room.

_No I don't remember us falling in love, but I'm sure that it happened.  
No I don't remember us falling in love, this sort of thing is old fashioned._

I froze, my hand on the fridge handle as I let the words sink in. The melody was so haunting, so reminiscent of something I couldn’t recall. It was like a dream. A nightmare? Both. It did things to me that made my heart beat madly against my ribs. I clutched at my chest, not sure if I was having a heart attack because this sensation was so foreign. When I regained my self-possession, I straightened up and looked at the frail woman sitting on the couch singing to herself.

 _My mother told me_  
be careful don't think with your heart  
but just like a fool  
I followed all of the lights to the sparks

                This was wrong. She shouldn’t be in here with no proper water, no heat, and nobody to take care of her. I would have never left my own mother like this. I would have wanted someone to take care of her when I couldn’t.

“Kuchel, you’re coming to my place, okay? It’s warm, I live with a nice girl, she can help wash you if you want. I’ll make you a nice dinner there, because you deserve better than Ramen.” She turned her face in my direction as she heard me move towards her.

“You live with a girl, this time? That’s new for you. And Levi is okay with this?”

                I couldn’t help it. I laughed.

“It’s my sister, Kuchel. I’m sure Levi is okay with it,” I explained. I don’t see why he wouldn’t be. There was nothing between us. We had only met yesterday, unless he had somehow developed some unhealthy stalking obsession that pre-dated our encounter. Had he looked me up on social media? I hadn’t updated Facebook in years, the same with Instagram and Tumblr. For all intents and purposes, I wasn’t on social media, so cross that off my list of hypotheses.

“How _is_ Mikasa? I’ve always liked her, even though she and Levi always fought for your attention. She’ll be a wonderful mother, you know; so caring.”

                What the actual fuck, Kuchel? I needed answers. And I would go see the Warden for them. He would know. It seemed he was the one who knew the most about Levi Ackerman and his relations.

“I’m just going to go pack your stuff, and I’ll be right back okay? You stay put.” She nodded weakly in my direction as I left the living room to go to the washroom. I grabbed a small basket on the ground that held a few hats and mitts and dumped out its contents.

                I found her hairbrush, toothbrush and toothpaste on the counter and put them in the basket. I had to remind myself to make sure to get her manicure stuff, I was sure Mikasa wouldn’t mind helping Kuchel out. She was always softer than people assumed.

                The bathroom had no bath, just an old shower. It wasn’t even a nice stall, with that typical frosted glass. No, this shower was open to the back of the washroom, with a few panels of false wood giving the individual showering minimal privacy. I stepped inside the shower and the wooden theme stretched the length of the back wall. Floor to ceiling. All of it wood. I might as well have been in some communal shower; not like in the prison, ours were much more modern, maybe this is what it would have looked like had it been hand built hundreds of years ago.

                Where did Kuchel (or Levi for that matter) keep their shampoo and soap? There were no shelves to hold such items, so I turned in place, looking on the ground. When something purple caught my eye, I bent down to get the Lavender-scented shampoo. When I stood back up, I was met with the most erotic sight I had ever witnessed in my twenty-eight years.

                There, in front of me, under the hot spray of water was a familiar figure, head tilted back to wet his jet-black hair. One hand ran through his hair, grasping the ends and tugging at it. That meant this man’s other hand was occupied elsewhere. He wasn’t facing me, but from this distance I couldn’t have seen much with the build-up of steam in the stall. I moved closer to appreciate his body from this vantage point, how his stance was one of utmost confidence, tall (despite his short stature), his back strong, the musculature there well developed but not enough to distract from the magnificence that was his equally defined tight round ass. I found myself swallowing convulsively as my eyes traced every line, every curve of his body. Damn, even his legs were slightly bowed in the most sensual of ways, denoting a certain heaviness there.

                I heard the man give a guttural moan as he turned to his side and leaned back against the wall, eyes closed, fisting an impressive cock, water running off the dips and angles of his hard body.

“Eren…” he nearly whimpered and I held my breath. I stood there, mouth open, like a permanent fixture in the shower as I watched him languidly squeeze himself so that the tip flared beneath his foreskin and gave it a redder and angrier appearance with each upward movement. I couldn’t help it, I stared, almost hypnotized by his rhythmic breathing and full strokes.

                The man’s strong hand gripped harder, moved faster. He let go of his hair in favour of running his hand over his hardened nipples, down his chest and to the slit of his thick cock. The moment his thumb made contact, he moaned, and it echoed in the shower. The man’s toes bunched as he stood, jerking himself off in an almost violent manner.

                It took all I had to tear my eyes away from this man’s sinfully delicious body so that I could see who had been fucking their hand to my name. His face was undeniably Levi Ackerman’s. But not the one I had left at the penitentiary; this one was older, by at least fifteen years, and more muscularly developed, and scarred?

“Fuck, Eren. Please,” said the Levi in the wooden, dilapidated shower as he grit his teeth, letting vulnerability bleed into the hard lines of his face.

                Something akin to frustration wracked my body. As though possessed by some devil, I slapped his hands out of the way, wrap my own around his girth and felt each and every hard ridge that covered his dick. I pumped him hard with my left hand and used by right to cup and squeeze what hung heavily below his cock. He swore, and thrust his hips more forcefully into my hand as he leaned his wet head against my shirt. He gasped as I moved my hand from his sac to his ass, running a finger between his cheeks. With every push, I felt the muscles of his ass clench, making it more difficult to find the tight pucker that I instinctively knew ached to be penetrated. His hands grabbed onto my shirt desperately as I breached him, a smirk finding its way to my lips as I registered the fact that he had already prepped prior to my finding him in the shower. Without delay, I thrust my finger in so deeply, that I felt him stand on the tips of his toes as he widened his stance. I kept pulling at, twisting and squeezing his cock as I fingered his ass roughly, fully intending to loosen him up sufficiently to add another.

                I barely turned my wrist and grazed his prostate when he gave a shout and then repeated my name like a mantra. I felt my hand covered and warmed by his cum as it dripped onto the shower floor.

                I felt the pressure in my own groin mounting and when I unconsciously rubbed myself through my pants, I was shocked and looked down to find them dry despite having stood in the shower with Levi. I looked back to where he should have been slumped over, but he was no longer there.

                Fuck. I was just standing there like an idiot in an empty shower.

_No I don't remember us falling in love, but I'm sure that it happened.  
No I don't remember us falling in love, this sort of thing is old fashioned._

                I put the bottle in the basket, and readjusted my growing bulge. I couldn’t go back into the living room with a massive hard-on. At least Kuchel was blind, right? But she knew stuff, impossible stuff, so I wouldn’t put it past her to know I was turned on by some wacked out hallucination.

                I went to her room, and instead of a proper dresser, found milk cartons stacked one on top of the other, with clothes neatly organized in each slot. I grabbed undergarments, socks, shirts and pants as well as some pyjamas. I hesitated leaving the room as each carton had a picture of Levi from his grade school days. Six-year-old Levi with a multicolored turtleneck in one, nine-year-old Levi missing three teeth in another. Yeah, that was good. Effectively killed my boner.

                Levi’s mother was sitting serenely disheveled on the couch when I came back to the living room. I sat next to her, putting the basket on the ground nearby and pulled out her hairbrush.

“Would you like me to brush your hair before we leave?” I offered. It seemed superficial, but it wasn’t meant to be. It seemed the natural thing to do, something my sister would have offered. Something my mother would have wanted.

                Kuchel nodded in answer, but I heard her swallow hard. I imagined if Levi had done her nails, this might have been something he had done as well.

                I turned my body to the side and placing a hand gently at the top of her hair, ran the brush softly from root to tip. She leaned into every stroke of her hair and hummed in satisfaction as my hand followed the brush’s progress. I untied my own hair out of its messy bun and pushing the elastic band down my wrist, grabbed three strands of the woman’s hair and started braiding it loosely. Once I was done, I secured it with the band and pushed it forward, making it fall over her shoulder so that she could examine my handywork. 

“All done Kuchel, you ready to go?” I said getting up and grabbing her nail polish and manicure tools, along with her empty pill bottles. Despite the comforter and my jacket, she was still shivering.

I put the handles of the basket up to my elbow to carry it, and lifted the tiny woman tenderly, as though fearing to break her. I gave her a minute to get comfortable in my arms, and she turned inwards, nuzzling her face in my chest.

“You smell like him,” she whispered, sounding at ease, “and cigarettes. Goddamn it, is he smoking again?” I laughed and felt her shaking her head. I threw her shawl over her body and felt her shivering even out. Leaving the apartment, I grabbed the key that was hanging next to the door and locked it behind us.

                Before I started worrying about going down the stairs with this fragile woman in my arms, I heard someone running up towards us. I turned my back to protect Levi’s mother when my name echoed through the stairwell.

“Hanji? What are you doing here?” I asked dumbfounded.

“Levi sent me, ah… that’s why Jean...” I nodded looking over my shoulder, hoping to silence her with a look. It worked. Hanji and I have been friends as long as she and Armin have been.

“I’m taking Kuchel to my place, isn’t that right?” I said looking down at the small woman. She smiled up at me, nodding, then closed her eyes. Hanji hadn’t missed the look that passed between Kuchel and me and nodded in turn.

“I’ll follow you, give her a proper examination and go out to get her medication.” She took out a small light and led the way down the ten flights of stairs. By the time we reached my car, the delicate woman was sleeping in my arms. I set her softly in the passenger seat, buckled her in, covered her with the green blanket I kept in the backseat and blasted the hot air.

_No I don't remember us falling in love, this sort of thing is old fashioned._

What were the chances the same song that was playing in her apartment was now playing in my car?

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this chapter provided a few answers, while also making you ask a few more.  
> The next chapter goes back to Levi, provides a lot of lovely lovely angst and aftercare - so there's that.  
> Thanks again for reading :)


	5. The Holes In My Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, i'm just going to leave you with this gem: 
> 
> "“Levi, you’re literally the worst wingman in history; and that includes Hanji.” - Erwin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally- homage to my favorite brOTP is here-
> 
> A fair warning: There is some allusion to Erwin's demise in this chapter, Levi reacts poorly to it (which is to say, emotionally, and not all that logically) 
> 
> Another heads-up: While I do love going back and forth between past and present lives, and using canon events to weave the story, I know I might get criticized for my characterization of Levi and Erwin (specifically) in a canon-era setting. *shrugs* I wont defend it- you're probably right; but I can't resist writing about these two in this manner. 
> 
> A small portion of the flashback scene is to be credited to The Office (Levi, the Wingman), if you're a fan- you'll be able to pick it up no problems. 
> 
> Thanks to HARUBI for a few lines! Your humor is like air to me! 
> 
> As always, caity_cat, i owe you Korean BBQ, Sushi, or both! 
> 
> Enjoy :) 
> 
> Song Inspiration for this chapter: We Are Young by Fun

                When Hanji and I exited her office, Eren was nowhere to be seen. Instead, Kirstein was furiously texting something on his phone and gave us the “1 minute” finger as he finished up. Hanji and I exchanged a look, hers aloof, mine one of pure irritation. I had expected to see that smug look on Eren’s face, his shitty man bun and the way his pants fit him snugly in all the right places. His absence riled up my increasingly reckless teenage hormones and quelched any plans I had to pick up on any clues that he may consciously or unconsciously give away.  

                When Kirstein’s head finally came up from his phone and Hanji took her leave, I caught up to his long strides as he led us down the hallway.

“Where’s Jaeger?” I said modulating my voice so that its lower tone would sound more intimidating.

“None of your business.”

“So, you don’t know.” I muttered, trying to get a rise out of him. God knows his temper was almost as bad as Eren’s; if I could just push a little, he might slip up on some random detail. I still couldn’t shake the feeling that all of us being here was too much a coincidence. Someone was pulling the strings and I had an inkling of who it might be, even if Jaeger thought bringing up the Commander’s name was a joke.  

“I fucking know, Ackerman. Now let’s go, we’re going to be late.”

“You don’t _really_ know though, Jean, because you were texting someone pretty eagerly just a minute ago. You being here is an inconvenience, so you’re begging someone for forgiveness. Who is it? Mikasa? Of course, Jaeger would put you in this kind of predicament.”

“How would you… How do you…” he sputtered. “You’ve talked to him all of what, twice? Did he tell you all of this?”

“Not specifically today, but Jaeger and I go a long way back.” I retorted, pleased that I had gotten under his skin.

“Like hell you do,” he said stopping abruptly, putting his hand on my chest. I looked down at his hand and then stared daggers at him from under the fringe that shadowed part of my eyes. “You only met…”

“What’s wrong, ponyboy? You think we only met in the bank?”

“Did you overhear…”

“No, Horse, I just know shit. Now tell me where Jaeger is, or I’ll go straight to the Warden with this information.”

“I don’t know okay!” he said turning around and making his way back down the hall. The hand he put on his holster betrayed how uncomfortable I had made him. “All he said was that he needed me to cover him a bit. He said it was an emergency.”

                I frowned, trying to recall if Eren seemed on edge before he left me with the doctor. What could have come up in the amount of time I was talking to Hanji? The fact that he left mid-shift seemed kind of strange. A small part of me worried that he had been triggered into remembering everything. What if he recalled something about us that I hadn’t? Fuck, what if it was bad? What if he just needed to get as far away from me as possible? There were still so many gaps in my own memory I couldn’t account for, that this reaction wasn’t out of the realm of possibility.

“Is he okay?” I said trying to sound unconcerned, keeping my face impassively looking forward.

“Why do you care?” he asked suspiciously, clearly, I wasn’t as suave as I thought I was.

                I shrugged. I knew why I cared, but I didn’t see why it mattered. It’s not like things would go anywhere even if Eren remembered.  Where was our relationship supposed to go in this life? Even with no Titans this time around, it would still be difficult. I was in prison with a rap sheet longer than my arm, and he was a prison guard, _supposed_ to be on the right side of the law.

                We walked past a few cell blocks, and when Kirstein didn’t slow his gait near Cell Block E, I was a little confused. My mouth opened to say something, and the guard must have sensed my hesitancy.

“I’m bringing you to the cafeteria, you haven’t eaten since you came in and lunch is nearly done.”

                I really hadn’t noticed any kind of hunger between pangs of nicotine cravings, worries about my mom, and this stupid karmic joke going on with me and anyone with whom I’ve come into contact in the past twenty-four hours. By the time we reached the cafeteria double doors though, I was sure my stomach was eating itself.

“Over there is where you can get your food,” he said pointing through the tiny square window set in the swinging door. Bastard, the lower end of the window sat at the height of my eyebrows and I had to go on my tippy-toes to see what he was going on about. “Once you have your food, just find a seat. You have about fifteen minutes before they close up for the afternoon. I’ll be back to get you then. If you have any problems, let Keith know,” he said pointing to a fully-haired younger Keith Shadis. Fuck. Would this never end?

                I grunted in response and took in the cafeteria from behind closed doors. If I had to be detained in any prison, this wasn’t the worst option. It was clean for one, which probably tied into two, that it didn’t smell. Surely, I could deal with pretty much anything else.

“Go on,” Kirstein said nudging me.

I pushed through the double doors, the feel of the uncomfortable fabric of these stupid clothes scratching my skin with every step I took. Whatever he had thought, Eren had been wrong about me looking ‘lovely’ in these prison scrubs. The bright orange was probably something only the brat himself could have gotten away with, given his year-round tan. If anything, this color had me looking sallow, made the dark circles under my eyes more pronounced. And did it have to be so boxy? Christ, I was already small, now I looked like I was drowning in these clothes.

I wasn’t sure yet if coming to this facility without a properly-established reputation was a good thing or not. I was sure a lot of Kenny’s guys were in here, and not knowing how they felt about him while in lockup was kind of disconcerting. If I could figure out who my allies were, it would make things easier. My angry glares would count for something; otherwise, I was just this small pretty boy whose scowls looked like that of a pissed off kitten’s.

I could feel eyes on me, following me. Someone whistled, another shithead cat-called. I fought the instinct to feed them some snarky remark, I didn’t want to piss off the wrong people. I might be able to hold my own in a one-on-one or two-on-one fight, but I wasn’t going to be able to take on someone’s posse.

By the time I got to the serving counter, I looked up and saw the familiar face of Moblit Berner, his dark blonde hair tucked neatly in a hairnet. I growled internally when I noticed he was roughly everyone else’s age. I picked up a grey plastic tray (that had been washed, thank goodness!), and all but slammed it down on the stainless-steel counter rail opposite the food hidden behind an opaque sneeze guard. So, every meal was going to be a surprise? Fucking fantastic.

Moblit reached over the sneeze guard and handed me a little carton of 2% milk (due to expire tomorrow), and then handed me a spoon and a bag of Goldfish crackers. I scrunched my nose, as I looked at the palm-sized bag in my hand and wondered what the hell this would accompany. PB&J? Apple sauce? Hard-boiled egg? Whatever, I was just so hungry at this point, as long as it wasn’t…

“Here’s your tomato soup.” Moblit said smiling shyly as he handed me a generous serving of the disgusting slop. I glowered at the contents of the bowl as though it had done me a personal wrong. If there was one thing in this world I had a hard time choking down, it was fucking tomato soup. I put it on my tray, and stared at it as the contents of the colossal-sized bowl swayed back and forth. Christ, there was even a skin floating on the very top, how many weeks had this been in the chafing dish?

                I mumbled a thanks, turned around and surveyed the hall for an empty table. I was past the point in my life where I felt I needed to make nice and collect friends. For one, I didn’t have the time for that shit, two, friends just, whether or not they wanted to, ended up leaving you in the end. Now that I was well into recollecting my past, I didn’t think I had it in me to get to know people better.

                I put my tray down on the white bench-style cafeteria table, and sure enough the disgusting food sloshed over the side of my bowl, drenching the tray in the vomit-like substance they were trying to pass off as food. I sat down, straddling the bench seat, hoping to be able to get to my feet quicker this way in case, well, in case.

                Shadis pushed himself from the wall and started walking over my way. Part of me wanted him to come sit down, start bitching about cadets he had trained, but I was still eighteen; and the thought of an authority figure (other than Eren) sitting down with me in the cafeteria was about as embarrassing as a teacher doing it when I had briefly attended high school. When he stood against the wall behind me instead, I stopped holding my breath.

                I opened the milk and took a whiff; when it passed the sniff test, I took a gulp. I tore open the Goldfish package with my teeth and started popping them into my mouth. Surveying the cafeteria was a fruitless effort since there were so few people here so late in the allotted lunch time; maybe thirty tops, but it looked like a lot less since the space was so large. One group of inmates across the room was being raucous, laughing, banging their fists and cutlery against the table. Seven individuals, males and females. I guess they didn’t segregate genders in this prison after all...

Another two individuals were sharing food with one another. The larger man held a Goldfish between his thumb and forefinger and playfully made it swim towards the mouth of his mate and then teasingly brought it back to his own mouth. The smaller of the two would boop the larger one’s nose and they resumed their ridiculous game.

                I looked away, the temptation to gag almost as strong as it was when I considered my lunch. Bringing the carton of milk to my mouth again, I turned my body to study the next group of individuals whose heads were huddled together in what appeared to be a pretty serious conversation.

“Levi! You’re here! Thank God!” a familiar female voice called out as two strong arms wrapped around my shoulders. I sputtered, nearly choking, glad that my brain recognized Petra’s voice before my body decided to beat the shit out of her for jumping me from behind.

                Gunther took the seat in front of mine, and motioned for Petra to let go of me and join him. When she did, my body took on a less rigid posture. They were both without trays, so they must have already eaten. Petra was all smiles, but her red-rimmed eyes brimmed with tears, and I could make out the long night she had spent. Petra was far from innocent, and she had been in prison once already; coming a second time wouldn’t have had this kind of impact on her.

“Levi, I’ve been so worried about you,” she said holding both her hands out across the table. I wasn’t outwardly affectionate, but the sincerity of her concern touched me, and I didn’t want to reject her show of tenderness. I wasn’t able to look her in the eyes though, so I kept my eyes glued to my soup and put my hand in hers. As always, Petra had soft, warm hands, but they were strong, firm. She was one of those touchy-feely people, and it sometimes got Oluo all worked up. She always set him straight though; if he couldn’t deal with it, she would find someone who could- and there were a lot of men (and women) lining up to be with Petra Ral. I had considered it centuries ago, not necessarily out of attraction, but there was a time when I had wanted something stable, common in my life. She had deserved better than that; deserved someone that would worship her.

“I’m okay ,Petra. How are you guys, Gunther?” I looked at him from under my fringe, and he still had the evidence of having a close encounter with Jean’s rifle all over his face. A cut lip and his nose was off-centre; the damage extending to both his eyes in the form of massive swelling and dark discoloration.

“No, I’m fine,” he shrugged, his voice sounding like he was suffering from a massive head cold as all his Ns became Ds in his speech.

“Like hell you are, you look like shit; even for you,” I answered pulling my hand back. I had left it in Petra’s long enough for it to be acceptable, hadn’t I? “Did you see a doctor for your nose? You’re going to want someone to reset that for you.”

“Yeah, I’m going to wait ‘til we get out. Get Erd to do it or something.”

“Christ, don’t wait that long,” I said drinking the last of my milk, and wiping my face with my fucking sleeve, since the savages hadn’t given me any napkins, “it’ll be all crooked and you’ll look even shittier.”

“What do you mean, long? We’re leaving today, like in an hour,” Petra said, a confused look on her face. She took Gunther’s face in her left hand and turned it side to side to examine it. She plastered a kindly smile to her lips and gently placed her right hand to his cheek, soothing it once, twice, and when Gunther shut his eyes to lean into her touch, she grabbed his nose forcefully and a sickening crack rang out in the cafeteria.

“Whore!” he screamed pulling his face back with evident betrayal in his eyes as he turned away from her, tears streaming freely down his face. He stretched his mouth and eyes at the same time, trying to assess his nose’s situation and then his eyes widened in shock as he turned back towards Petra. “Oh, shit, not you, Pet. I didn’t mean you were… I meant the pain was… Not you though…” The room had gone significantly quiet, Shadis had taken three steps over and when nothing further had happened, returned to the wall to talk to one of four colleagues that had gathered there.

“I know,” she said patting his thigh a couple of times. He still flinched.

“Wait, what? You’re leaving today?” I asked completely abashed. They exchanged looks that mirrored my own confusion.

“Yeah? Kenny posted our bail first thing this morning. He sent Traute to come in and do the paperwork.” Gunter said hesitantly.

                I pursed my lips and looked decidedly anywhere but their faces.

“Wait, Levi. Isn’t your bail…” Petra began.

“No,” I answered almost in a whisper. Of course, that bastard would have done this, probably after our phone call too, his final _fuck you, Levi_.

I could hear Petra and Gunther rage about something, but I couldn’t make out the words. There was really no love lost between Kenny and I, so I really shouldn’t have been as upset about this as I was. Growing up he came around to see my mother during holidays, always bringing her a nice gift. Sometimes it was fancy perfume for her to wear to work, other times it was nice jewellery, like the really good stuff – but she always pawned that off for extra money. Not for us to get nice things. We didn’t have nice things. She used the money to take evenings off so that we could spend time together. She always put money aside so that she was home for my birthday, for instance.

                If I had started working for Kenny sooner, she might have been able to quit work sooner. She might not have gotten sick. I know for a fact that Kenny blamed me for her getting ill. _A proper man takes care of his mother,_ he told me over and over growing up. And I tried, but mom wouldn’t hear of it. I was supposed to finish school, get financial assistance and go to college to do something with my life. I was a disappointment through and through.

                It wasn’t a secret that mom had terminated her share of pregnancies, always with Kenny’s _charity_. Her line of work wasn’t safe, and so many of those assholes thought that since they paid for sex, they got it whichever way they wanted, even if she wasn’t comfortable with it, even if it hurt, even without protection. I don’t even know why she had bothered keeping me. She had been so young. I’m sure that’s why Kenny despised me, though. I’m the one she kept; and in return I kept her in that industry. His bail denial wasn’t just for having gotten caught; he was leaving me to rot in prison for what I had done to his sister.

“Right, Levi?” I registered my name and brought my head up, not to look at Petra or Gunther in the face, but to look between them, where it was safe. If I looked at them I would cry. I didn’t want to fucking cry in prison. I nodded my head in response to whatever they had said.

                I heard one of them, Gunther most likely swear loudly again and hit his fist against the table. The moment it did, one of the guys from the raucous group, the large guy, the blonde one, turned around to see what had caused the noise. Still avoiding my squad’s faces, my eyes locked in on piercing blue ones. They scrutinized me, large eyebrows pinching, forehead wrinkling.

                All of the people I had met from my former life had retained at least a slight physical similarity to their former selves, except for him. Erwin Smith was every inch the fucking Adonis in this life as he had been in the last. Nothing had changed. High fucking cheek bones, square jaw, fit as fuck. I lied. He was younger. Much younger, like me. No, a year or two older than I was. Fucking finally.

                He cocked an eyebrow at me, probably wondering what my staring problem was and I looked into my lap, feeling my cheeks flush. When I gathered the nerve to look back up his back was turned.

                I could see myself going over there, just to take a seat to his right. Not to say anything, but just to listen to him. See if he had any insights. He clanked a drink hard on the table and started laughing next to an equally huge blonde, patting him on the shoulder, and his hand lingered there too long for it to be casual. I smiled, despite myself, as I remembered.

                The big tall bastard had dragged me to the capital; no, that’s not true. He had dragged me, Mike, and Eren to a fancy affair at the capital. Eren was the real reason for the rest of us to go; naturally wealthy investors of the Survey Corps wanted to see on whom they were investing their _hard-earned money_. It didn’t help that Eren was so damned attractive in formal attire: crisp fitted white shirt and matching pants, black boots that rode mid-thigh with gold adornments on the side, short cropped jacket (much like our Survey Corps jacket), but without logo and adorned with an attached green cape that swung mid-back attaching at the epaulets, but cascaded unevenly over his tight round ass. How was it that we were all wearing the same thing, but that it seemed a whole different outfit on him?

                As the night progressed, many of the older officials had retired to their quarters, leaving behind a group of middle-aged horny women, drunk twenty-somethings, and husbands whose wives had gone home to put their families to sleep. Eren and Mike were on the dance floor, each with a middle-aged woman. When his back was turned to me, I noticed the woman who had claimed Eren as a dance partner, set her hands a little too low on his back for my liking and it made me twitchy. Not because I thought he might take a fancy to her, but because it seemed I was the possessive jealous type. It probably explained why I had hit the sauce with a little too much enthusiasm tonight. Regardless, I didn’t have the right to those feelings, Eren did not belong to me, and despite his many attempts, we’d not initiated any kind of relationship other than a professional one.

                When things seemed to be winding down, Erwin and I headed to the bar, entrusting Mike to stay with Eren, my eyes certainly wouldn’t be leaving him any time soon. I flashed three fingers to the barkeep who supplied me with a gold coloured liqueur and Erwin helped himself to a darker one. We stood there, taking in the view. I gulped my first glass down, hoping it would help the night speed by, so that I could just go back to my room and take care of things since the brat had me wound up tight in his outfit. Mike had sent him to fetch me before we left the inn, his hair had been slicked back, drawing more attention to his piercing cerulean eyes (like he actually needed it) and I’d been sporting a semi ever since.

                Once I slammed my glass on the counter, showing the barkeep another three fingers, I felt like I had loosened up a bit. I examined the crowd, and other than the two men on the dance floor, I couldn’t come up with a single nice thing to say about anyone.

                Erwin must have felt the same way because he broke the silence. “That one, the one who’s pushing fifty but has six women surrounding him… what’s up with that?”

“Yeah, he’s got one to fuck, and five others to hold his dick up for him since he probably can’t get it up on his own.” I retorted, narrowing my eyes and keeping my expression stoically in place. There was no way anyone who was watching us wouldn’t assume that we were just talking strategy.

“You think it’s so big it takes five of them to hold it up?”

“Not exactly, but it’s a numbers game, isn’t it? None of them actually _want_ to do it, so the higher their numbers, the less likely one of them will have to do it.”

                Erwin cleared his throat and gave a solemn nod. It had begun. This is what Erwin and I routinely did at these functions. It was really one of the only ways to stay awake, if I was completely honest. We both took another solid drink from our respective glasses and went back to people watching and gossiping.

“Look at Zackly over there talking to that young thing, do you think his wife knows he fucks around?” I inquired. Truth was, his wife was well-known for breaking in new Military Police recruits.

“She probably begs him to, just so she doesn’t have to see his O-face, Captain.”

“And what would that look like?” I asked. O-faces, we hadn’t talked about that in forever! Not since we tried to come up for one for Hanji- after that, things got dicey. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t get hard for days after that discussion.

                Erwin turned his back to the crowd of people, and the moment the barkeep looked away, his face went slack, and he pulled his bottom lip to the side, rolled his eyes to the back of his head, and pushed his face in to reveal four chins that weren’t there previously.

“You look like you’re having a stroke, Eyebrows.”

“Exactly!” Erwin said, letting his handsome features take their place back on his face and slamming his glass down, “Another one please barkeep!” Once served, he took another sip, “Alright, your turn Ackerman,” he said motioning to Nile Dok who was dancing with his wife near Eren. I narrowed my eyes and bit the inside of my cheek. I couldn’t think of anything exceptionally funny about Dok, not when Eren was so damned close. Not when could I see him smiling sweetly at the older woman he was dancing with. He was being charming as fuck, I know that’s what we’d asked of him, that he was helping us out, but when I saw her hand move down to his ass, I surged forward. A large hand gripped my shoulder and slammed my ass back on the stool. 

“Let him handle it.” Erwin cautioned me.

                I slid down to sit against (rather than on) the stool and saw Eren’s ears turn pink as he took his bottom lip roughly between his teeth. Fuck, just that simple gesture made me want to take the kid’s perfect determined face between my hands and bite that lip myself. The moment the old hag saw Eren looking slightly uncomfortable, she removed her hand and pat his face gently.

“Dok, Levi,” Erwin said again.

“Fuck, Smith. I don’t want to picture that shit having sex. But I’ll let you in on a little secret. Do you know why Nile Dok’s wife never considered joining the Survey Corps?”

                Erwin cocked an eyebrow, mid-drink.

“Because every time she fucks that pubic-haired moustached prick, it’s an equivalent sacrifice to offering her heart and her life to humanity.” 

                He spat his drink out and I gave him the most disgusted glare I could because that's what he expected of me. “Tch, I can dress you up, but I can’t take you out, you giant asshole,” I told him offering him a couple of napkins.

“We shouldn’t talk though. At least Dok is getting it on the regular. When’s the last time you got any?”

“I get some.” I said, my voice starting to get a little higher because of the drink. I took another sip.

“Recently, though?” I turned away from him once he asked because I knew that if I looked at him I’d start laughing and wouldn’t be able to stop.

“Recent enough.” I got some from _myself_ , recently. I’d been too interested in the brat to seek any other avenues of stress relief. He was still too young, it’s what had kept me, really. I was never one to initiate though, I know, shocking given how blunt I was. My personality was enough to intimidate or turn off anyone who had considered it upon physically appraising me.

“Your hand doesn’t count, Levi,” Erwin said dryly.

“Okay you fuck, tell you what, I’m going to get you laid tonight, so you stay the hell out of my sex life,” I said crossing my arms over my chest and glaring at him.

“No deal.”

“Yes, deal, Shitwin.”

“Levi, you’re literally the worst wingman in history; and that includes Hanji.”

“Ex-fucking-cuse me? Do you, or don’t you remember that time, I almost got you two guys that one night after Historia’s coronation.”

“Oh, yeah, I remember. Jesus, Levi, we were at the ball, you’d downed three drinks, then you took two full glasses from the bar, stumbled over to AND interrupted two gentlemen having a quiet conversation, and said “Do you assholes like apples?”, knocked the glasses so hard on the table that half the drinks sloshed out onto the table and the men. Then you said, “How do you like these apples?” I’m not even sure if the guys were confused or were terrified of your reputation, but you just continued, “Alright, on a scale of one to ten, how hot is that dude?” then you pointed to me. When they were sure you weren’t going to kill them, they asked _you_ if _I_ was your boyfriend. And what did you say…”

“No, but he could be yours…” I replied sheepishly.

“And what happened afterwards, Levi?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do.”

“We were kicked out of the coronation ball for sexually harassing the sons of a very highly respected official.” 

“Exactly.”

“Come onnnnnnn, Erwin.” I protested in a buzzed garble. “Let me get you laid. Look at that one, Erwin. Erwin, look. Look. What do you think?” I said nodding my head towards a man, not much taller than I was. He was attractive, no denying it, also looked like he belonged to a wealthy family. “I’m sure he’d go to your room with you, he’s been eyeballing you all night.”

“Too short,” he responded gravely over his glass.

“Oi, fuck you asshole. He’s a good head taller than I am.” I nearly growled under my breath, but I kept my composure; anyone looking our way (and we had a lot of looks and winks) would have to assume we were discussing business, not bedmates. “Fine, what about that one, the one in the black suit and red tie. He’s nearly as tall as you are, you fucking giant.” I took another sip of my drink, expecting Erwin to stay fixated on this guy’s body, it wasn’t bad.

“Not enough facial hair,” he yawned.

“Christ, Erwin, you’re allowed to be picky, but come on. The fucker can grow facial hair for you, just ask him, I’m sure he would.”

“Not by tonight he can’t.”

“Fine, fine,” I said waving my hand too close to his face, I was so impatient by this point. I wasn’t sure why, it was really none of my business if he got laid, I sure as hell wouldn’t be tonight. But I couldn’t help but think he was hiding something from me. I looked to the floor, and Eren was still dancing, but this time it was with Mike. There was something quite tender in the way they were just talking as they danced; Eren had his right hand around Mike’s neck and his left was sitting near the crook of the Squad Leader’s elbow, whereas Mike had both his hands resting on Eren’s hips. I found that I was not as jealous like I was with the old woman, despite the fact that Mike casually looked over our way and wagged his eyebrows suggestively at me. Bastard.

“How about that dude?” I said pointing to the guy dancing next to Mike.

                Erwin looked at me, pink coloring his cheeks. I’d never seen this man blush. Ever. He went to open his mouth, and then I thought I’d embarrassed him because he probably thought I was pointing to Mike. “The one next to Mike, dumbass,” I clarified.

“Oh, him. I don’t like his hair,” he said as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

“What the fuck is wrong with his hair?”

“It’s not blonde.”

                And then I got it. I’m drunk, so I’m a little slow; but I finally got it. “Shitwin, are you in love with some stupidly tall, sniffy asshole?”

“No more than you’re obsessed with some under-aged, green-eyed monster.”

I cleared my throat and ran my hand through my hair, “Go get it, you shit.”

“Levi, you know we can’t fraternize with… with… fraternity…” he answered unsure, slurring his words. The man might be a giant, but he’d just finished his fifth drink at this point and his thinking wasn’t all that clear anymore. He sat on the stool and slumped against my shoulder nearly knocking me sideways off my own.

“Tell him. I’ve seen the way he sniffs you.”

“I can’t though,” Erwin answered in an alcoholic-induced whine. Fucking annoying drunk. “You know what they say, you can’t fraternize with…”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’ve mentioned that.” I said looking down on my shoulder. His eyes were closed, and I’m glad that there’s just over a handful of people left in the elegant room. “Fuck it, though, Eyebrows. We’ve all been together at some point. How’s it any different this time?”

                Erwin stayed mum on the subject, and I had my answer at that point. Erwin wasn’t looking for a lay. The big oaf was pining. I felt a smile creep up on my lips as I turned my eyes to the dance floor to watch Mike and Eren still dancing. The band had started packing up, and someone had been nice enough to set up a phonograph to play some kind of fast-paced song. The patrons who had attended tonight were lucky to have evacuated the dance floor, since the duo clearly needed the space to move. Mike dipped, twisted and threw Eren around as though the boy weighed nothing. 

When had they taken the time to rehearse these steps? Their movements were perfectly synchronized, their turns and hand movements mirrored their partners’ with almost the same kind of precision some of my own turns and flips required with my 3DM gear. Even the speed at which their feet moved made me dizzy enough to turn away.

Erwin’s face held an almost reverent look as he continued to gawk at the spectacle. I had about five one-liners inspired by the shitty look on his face; and they would have been gold. But I couldn’t; that’s how I knew Erwin and I were buddies. I couldn’t find it in myself to use any of them given that I recognized the look Erwin had on his face, it was the same one I felt my muscles take when I watched an unaware Eren.

                We sat there in silence, finishing our drinks when the dorks finally realized they were shutting down the bar. They came over to us, and Mike took Erwin’s drink and guzzled it down (disgusting), and when Eren looked to me for refreshment I gave him my best “Don’t you fucking dare” look.

“Done impressing everyone, brat?” I asked finding that since I last spoke to Erwin, my words sounded less and less that they were coming from my mouth.

“I think I did okay, Captain. We’ll see if it translates to any funds tomorrow morning at the meeting,” he replied beaming a lovely smile in my direction as he took a napkin to wipe the sweat off his face. Erwin was training him to become the perfect little mercenary, wasn’t he? I gave him a nod of approval.

“Speaking of tomorrow’s meeting, I’m hammered and I need to find my room so I can get my customary three hours of beauty sleep,” I slurred. I tipped a pretend hat at Eyebrows, held out my hand exaggeratedly to shake the Friendly Giant’s and then winked at the green-eyed monster. I slid off my seat, but not before falling in said monster’s arms.

“Captain, let me help you,” Eren’s voice insisted, louder than required. I was drunk, not deaf. I had half a mind to push him away, pride and all, but honestly, all I wanted after having watched Erwin pining after Mike was to hold the boy closer to me and forget about fraternization, and age differences. Months. I had been pining over him for months. I was as pathetic as Erwin.

“Tch, you don’t have to carry me, brat,” I said leaning into him. He wrapped an arm around my back, and I felt him slouch to do so. Before we turned to head towards the door, I saw Eren give Mike a pointed look and then nod towards an unsuspecting Erwin. Mike wished us a good evening.

“How are you so heavy for such a little guy, Captain?” Eren groaned the moment we were outside the main doors and making our way down the front stairs of the building leading to the exterior.

“I have heavy appendages, Eren. One specifically. When you’re a big boy, you might be lucky in that area too. But going by your Titan, maybe not,” I blurted out. He laughed. I wanted to punch myself in the face. I had literally bashed the size of his dick, having never seen it, having never touched him intimately at this point. Great going, Captain Shithead.

                The cool air was helping clear my head, but it was also making me more aware of the figure helping me walk down the empty street to our inn. He had gotten so much taller over the summer and the fall, I actually had to look _up_ at him. Damn brat. 

We walked in silence, which was really out of character for the kid since he seemed to like to fill any quiet with idle chatter. It really didn’t bother me, to be honest, it took me out of my own brain, gave me something other than my regrets to think about. I go around spouting all this bullshit about not regretting stuff, but what I never tell anyone is that repressing these regrets was an active endeavour. You didn’t just one day say, “I won’t regret getting X killed,” and then the regret goes away. It comes up and catches you off-guard at the most inopportune moments… in the quiet of the night in your own bed, in the shower, running ten miles in the rain, even stumbling on a cool early morning in the arms of someone you may have feelings for.

“Eren, talk, please,” I muttered. We were making slow progress, and I didn’t care. I knew we were staying at the same inn, so it would just be a matter of finding my own room once we got there. A cool wind whipped in our direction and I shuddered. I felt him brace me tighter and the heat that radiated off him was reassuring.

“What did you think of my moves, Captain?” he asked with a smirk.

“Moves?” I moved my head back to look at him properly. He rolled his eyes.

“My _dance_ moves?” He was looking for praise. Eren thrived on praise. He was a praise-slut.

“I didn’t notice,” I teased. I stumbled forward as he stopped abruptly in the streets.

“I’m hurt, Captain. Those were just for you,” he said putting a hand over his heart in mock offense.

                I arched an eyebrow, trying to force my face to remain expressionless. What I wanted to tell him was that I had been taken by the grace of his movements, the accuracy with which he was perfectly able to follow the music with his feet and that despite needing an inordinate amount of concentration to memorize each step, the gorgeous smile never left his face. I wanted to tell him that I was jealous that he had taken the time to learn such a routine with Mike rather than myself and that in another time, I would have been proud to elbow people, nod towards the dancefloor and tell people that he was mine.  I wanted to, but I didn’t. I couldn’t stand the idea of watching him get turned on by the praise and compliments and not be able to do anything about it. So many people thought I was too hard on him, but I couldn’t take him looking so pleased without becoming weak in the knees.

“Quit being a brat. You were very good…” I hesitated making sure he was looking at me, “Eren.”

                A quiet moan breached the shifter’s mouth as he whipped his head to regard me with that biting lip thing again and I wanted to just…

                So I started walking again, closing my eyes against the breeze. I spent time with Eren at the Castle, but we mostly sparred together, cleaned together and discussed strategies for upcoming missions. If I was lucky, we had tea together in the basement before I saw him off to bed and made myself comfortable watching over him.

                I was berating myself for having taken so much liquor tonight. Here we were, away from our squad mates, away from his friends, on a brisk evening, with nobody in sight, alone, and he was taking me to my room at the inn. But I was drunk. Great thinking, Ackerman. I couldn’t even properly be my own wingman.

                The only upside was that the liquor made me braver- yeah, hard to believe when you’re called Humanity’s Strongest.  Killing Titans required a whole different kind of courage than declaring yourself to someone you’ve been pining after. Someone whose slicked back hair was become more tangled with every gust of wind that blew through it, whose eyes radiated against the reflection of the moon in the dead of night, whose tongue moistened plump lips every few seconds, as though he was dying to say something but then thought better of it. Someone I desperately needed to claim as my own before the trip was over, before everything was over.

“Eren, come with me, I have to take a piss.” I nodded towards the alley between two local businesses. I could hear something in the far-off distance, so I wanted to make sure we were given the proper amount of privacy.

“Go ahead, Sir. I’ll keep watch; make sure you have your privacy,” Eren replied laughter in his voice. He was on to me, and he was going to make me work for it. I maneuvered myself out of his hold to glare at him purposefully. He tilted his head, appraising me, as I watched him chew the inside of his cheek. Cocky little shit.

                I grabbed him tersely by the wrist pulled him towards the alley; he gave no resistance. It wasn’t the romantic setting the brat deserved, not with the stacked boxes nearby and the sound of the wind circling papers and long-dead leaves into the corner. We didn’t get far as he stumbled over debris in my haste to pin him against the rough brick wall.  My palms flanked his shoulders and he looked down at me with a smirk, cocked an eyebrow and considered the advantages of our current position.

“Is your urge gone, Captain?” he teased. I couldn’t answer, my mouth having gone dry. I swallowed twice, disappointed that my usually sharp tongue had failed me when I needed it most.

My left hand took hold of the back of his neck and pulled him close to my face as my fingertips smoothed the bottom of his hairline. “The urge is very much there, Eren,” I replied in a husky voice I scarcely recognized. I felt a sharp, hot outtake of breath against my cheek as he responded to being addressed by his name again. His hands found the lapels of my jacket and pulled me closer. 

“Do you plan on doing anything about it, Levi?” He crooned almost mocking. The brat’s boldness knew no bounds.

“I want to,” I said thumping my forehead against his chest. _Wrong, wrong. All wrong_. He didn’t bother asking for clarification, I was sure he had both heard and understood the silent ‘but’ that hung in the air.

                A rough thumb caressed my chin adding just enough pressure to lift it upwards. His finger found my mouth and brushed against my chapped bottom lip. I caught it in my teeth and bit down only hard enough to keep it in place and I looked at him from beneath heavy lids.

                He grinned mischievously, “I wouldn’t bite down too hard if I were you, Captain,” he purred.

“I’m more concerned with where your filthy finger’s been brat,” I spat back with zero malice.

                His eyes challenged me as he pushed his finger through my bite, letting my teeth graze its length. My lips locked around it, circling the tip with my tongue; he sighed a ragged breath, rolling his eyes when he felt the gentle sucking start. He made the most sinful noises that I felt my knees buckle and leaned heavily into him for support.  When I straightened again, I pushed him up against the wall, as he removed his damp finger and ran it across my lips. That little shit had escalated this whole scenario in a matter of ten seconds.

“Your lips are chapped, and cold,” he hushed. There it was, No-Chill Jaeger, subtlety letting me know that he was going to devour me whole, warm up my lips, hot breath, slobber and all. My eyes narrowed, the effect of the lust that had been building all evening evident. How had this gotten away from me? I wanted to be the one to kiss HIM. Wanted it to be chaste, romantic, but now my brain was rushing to keep up with my dick and I had to act fast before he did.

                I pushed my lips against his mouth, feather-light. He closed his eyes but didn’t move otherwise. I pulled away, cupped his face and kissed his mouth again, the soft sounds our lips made together rivalling the pulse beating too hard behind my ears.  I looked up at him and tilted my head, locked my lips to his slightly parted ones and felt his warm breath penetrate my mouth. The fourth time I went in, I caught Eren’s lower lip between both of mine then swept the tip of my tongue over it. I stifled his moan by softly kissing his full lips again. I took a step back, knowing full well that I had been out of line.

 “I’m sor- “I began but I was cut off when Eren spun us around so that my back slammed into the wall, but not before he put his hand behind my head to prevent any injury. No sooner had I gasped, he had his mouth on mine.

“Don’t you…” he started, pulling my hips closer to his body, “ever,” his mouth grazed my jawline, “apologize for that.” He bent his head down and forcefully took my mouth, urging his tongue inside, to tease and capture my own. Once he did, I felt this teeth against it and I groaned.

“I knew…” he said sucking my bottom lip, “if I waited,” cupping my ass, “you’d come around.” He smiled into the kiss and I grabbed fistfuls of hair, dishevelling his neat slicked coif into its usually disarray. I pulled his head back, tugged at his shirt and tie to loosen it and licked a stripe of his skin from just below his Adam’s apple to his chin, tasting the faint traces of sweat from the night, committing them to memory.

“Taste so good, Eren,” I panted, “such a good boy for waiting.” He growled and bent his knees for support as he lifted me clean off the ground. For someone who had complained about my weight earlier, he sure as fuck didn’t mind now. I wrapped my legs around his waist, pushing his pelvis forward with my feet, and felt his cock hard against my ass. God now I really felt stupid about the dig I had made about his dick. Jaeger was hung. He pushed my face to the side with his own, and I willingly gave up any illusion of dominance and granted him access to my neck. He kissed it, and licked it. When his canines broke the skin and he started sucking, my moan echoed throughout the alley. I heard someone laugh in the distance and I couldn’t even be bothered enough to care.

                I knew one thing for certain making out with Eren; he was no novice at this. It drove me wild with both want and jealousy. I turned my face and pulled back from him, needing to claim his mouth, to erase whatever other lips had found their way to his. I licked his lips, his teeth, took his face roughly in my left hand beckoned his tongue with my own so that it could fuck my mouth. He made the most beautiful noises I’d ever heard and I couldn’t wait to hear what he would sound like when I traded his tongue for his cock.

“Get it Shorty!” I heard Erwin and Mike’s voices in unison from the street. I put a finger in the air as I continued my ministrations and heard their footsteps disappear in the direction of the inn.

“Needed you,” I said pulling away, lips swollen, “so much,” I kissed the corner of his mouth, then the other, then his nose, and forehead. When I kissed his cheek, I felt dampness there. He held me tighter, his lust-filled eyes searching mine, “Such a good kisser, Eren,” I cooed. He swallowed a sob and when I closed my eyes to resume our kissing, felt him kiss each of my eyelids one at a time before he found my mouth again to peck softly.

 “We can continue at the inn.” I said facing him, taking his hand in mine and bringing it up to rest on my heart. He nodded, and we made our way out of the alley just in time to see Erwin and Mike’s hands intertwined as they entered the inn. 

 

“So, that’s what we’ll do then, Levi.” Petra added with a tone of firm finality.

“Sorry, what’s that?” I asked lifting my head and blinking in the direction of Petra’s voice, trying to fully immerse myself in present time. How did every event from my past invariably lead to Eren?

“She said, we’ll deny the bail,” Gunther supplied sending a worried glance in my direction.

                Petra nodded, “We’re not going to leave you alone,” she said in solidarity.

“Yeah, especially not after the four guys it took to get Petra off your unconscious body at the bank. You should have seen her; she broke some poor guy’s wrist, gave another one a black eye- with her foot!” he added impressed.

                That’s when I realized that they could have probably gotten away but they had decided to stay with me. Why? The guilt ate away at my guts when I recalled having left them in the forest. Seeing their faces filled with pride that their captain had known all the long what the plan had been, that he hadn’t let them down in the end. Except that I had. All of them: Oluo, Petra, Erd, Gunther, even Eren. Especially Eren, who had to deal with the guilt resulting from his faulty perception that he had gotten all of his squadron killed.  The whole clusterfuck was not on the brat, it rested squarely on my shoulders. I knew that once the Female Titan had been captured, I had to return to Erwin, confirm that orders had been carried out as planned, help in taking apart the abnormal, but I shouldn’t have. Eren was my first responsibility. I should have never left him. I would have had a better chance of saving my squad as well.

                I wanted to deny Gunther and Petra’s kind offer. Tell them to please go, the food wasn’t good enough here, the accommodations sucked, but the thought of being alone here, at breakfast, lunch and dinner. Alone even when that giant of a man sat on the opposite side of the room, and didn’t know me from a hole in the floor to shit in. Damn it, it hurt nearly as much as when Eren didn’t remember. I was still eighteen, still craved people’s approval, even Kenny’s to a certain extent. I hadn’t ever been alone. Mom had always been there, even when I was young. As a child, she worked at night when I slept, and then took her turn sleeping when I was at school.

“Thanks, you guys,” I said offering them a smile- it’s really all I could offer.

                Petra’s radiant beam made my heart swell, I would try to do better by them this time around.

“Besides,” she said, “Kenny had a job lined up for us this weekend, and if we’re not going to be there, he might be more motivated to get his head out from his ass and get your bail. I’m worried about your mom, Levi…”

“Don’t,” I interrupted, “it’s taken care of.” She didn’t inquire about it any more, for which I was grateful. I felt out of my depth with not having more information to go on when it came to mom, I had to trust that Hanji would do as she said.

                From across the cafeteria I saw Erwin stand up with his tray, getting ready to leave. As though possessed, I stood seconds after he did. Petra and Gunther rose as well and I shook my head, “Just gotta go for a shit, um, I’ll be back soon.” They both sat back down and watched me with confused expressions on their faces.

                The more I stared at Erwin, the more it looked like his scrubs had been tailor-made, they fit him too well, hugged all the right places. I wondered how the bastard sweet-talked himself into that one. He shot a glance behind me, towards the food, or maybe towards Shadis, who knows; I was tempted to walk up to him and start a conversation. No I wasn’t tempted, I was desperate. I grabbed my tray, and looked past him. There was a garbage bin nearby, if I lost my nerve as I approached him, I could just pretend I was about to throw out my disgusting sustenance.

                I squared my shoulders, tray in hands, and took measured steps, refusing to look him in the face, I didn’t want to be the one to initiate contact. I felt his eyes on me, picking me apart; but I kept my face up, forward, felt my heart beating hard against my ribcage, begging for release. I couldn’t hear anything else going on in the cafeteria except for the sound of his shoes as they clacked bitterly against the linoleum floor. I saw him in my periphery, we were nearly side by side and I had to hold my tray more tightly in my hands in case my nerves took over. I was excited, and scared in equal measures. But more than anything I just wanted him to stop me. To elbow me as I walked past, to greet me with his customary nod. God, I missed him. Missed joking with him. Missed his hope and his bark of a laugh. Missed the way he assumed a dad role over everyone. Missed the way he depended on me. I even missed his stupid eyebrows. I missed it ‘til it ached in my chest like it had been hollowed by a boulder.

                That is, until his bicep accidentally touched my shoulder and the warmth of nostalgia morphed into anger, then rage. I heard him take two more steps before I turned around and slammed my tray on the ground, sending the enormous bowl crashing and bathing the floor in tomato soup. He looked over his shoulder at me, furrowing his overgrown eyebrows, contempt written over the parts of his face I could make out.

                I blinked and gone was the handsome face, the commanding look. The pride and hope had drained from his countenance only to be replaced with despair and resignation. A pallid reflection hid his strong healthy one, the result of the blood pooling by his guts. I could see him sprawled on the roof, his hair dishevelled, his arm missing.

                Fuck him. Fuck him for what he left me with. Fuck him for making me choose. I know he couldn’t have foreseen what would happen, but I stayed awake in my bed more nights regretting that decision more than any other. Bring back my best friend and condemn him to a life as a shifter, or pick my soulmate’s best friend. I was damned no matter what I picked. Live without him, have Hanji pissed off at me for eternity, or risk losing Eren.  Even with my final decision, things got awkward as fuck for everyone. I nearly lost everything.

                Before I even thought about it, considered the likely seventy or so pounds he had on me, I grabbed him by the shirt to turn him around properly, brought my right fist back and snapped it making it seem as though I was going to hit his throat. He dropped his head in anticipation, so I brought my dominant fist to hit the side of the neck, instead. I didn’t need to knock him out, I just wanted him to feel pain; he didn’t deserve it, but I couldn’t rationalize the anger any other way. He anticipated the dirty move and blocked my punch, holding my whole fist in his hand. I twisted out of his grasp quickly by placing a well-aimed high kick to his occupied hand and he let go before it connected. I backed up and noticed we were looking at one another in definite defensive poses, fists to face.

                I heard benches scrape against the floors as people got to their feet to get a better view of what was going on. I heard Petra’s cry and put out a hand without looking at her; fuck, I didn’t want her involved in this. Someone started calling out, cheering rose in the small crowd, and I was feeling a little claustrophobic as people started to gather more closely.

He came at me next, swinging a fully controlled arm; I jumped back, once, twice. When he tried again, I ducked and swerved to the side, in time to see someone come in in my periphery- Mike. I saw Erwin give a brief nod and felt, rather than saw, the man come from behind.

“Fuck this shit, not again!” I spat as I felt him try to get his arms around me. I grabbed his bicep, near the shoulder, lowered my center of gravity and flipped him over. The act took him by surprise, both of them really, and it gave me the chance to grab his dirty blonde hair as he tried to get up and slam him face into the tomato soup that soiled the floor.

                Mike was still a huge fucker, so it took a knee on his neck to steady him in the disgusting slop while my hand still held his hair with a tight grip.

“Either of you move, and I’ll break his fucking nose with my foot, understood, Smith?”

Erwin nodded, Mike didn’t move.

“Count yourself lucky, this is slightly better than mud, you sniffy bastard.” I told him not taking my eyes off Erwin.

                The guards were moving in, I saw Shadis signal something to the other four in the cafeteria. I had to make it quick. It was clear by now that he didn’t remember me, but it didn’t mean he didn’t have any answers either.

“What are you doing here, Erwin? Make it quick.” By this point my rage had subsided, and I was all but pleading with my eyes for him to say something, anything that would make all this right. Erwin always knew what was going on, more than any of us; well, maybe the Mushroom was an exception to that.

                The man’s eyes lit up, suspicion dancing in their depths.

“Release Zacharias, Ackerman.” I heard Jean command. When the fuck did he get back?

“Ackerman, is it?” Erwin said taking a knee to stare me in the face. “Meet me tomorrow, in the courtyard, by the benches.”

Fuck, that gave him plenty of time to manipulate shit. To call a posse. “And if I don’t?”

“You wanted answers, didn’t you? And I saw the newbies you were hanging out with. I’ll find them, my friends will find them.” You sonofa…

At that point, I felt strong arms circle mine from behind and lift me out of my near-crouching position. “Fine, I’ll meet you outside, Erwin Smith,” I said as I’m being dragged out of the cafeteria. 

“Not sure if that’s going to be possible, little man,” Jean said pushing me against a nearby wall, my face against the cold surface as he cuffed my hands behind me. He grabbed hold of the back of my shirt and shoved me through the cafeteria doors, his other hand on his tazer.

“Why’s that Horse-face?” I turn my head and glare at him.

“You initiate a fight here, Ackerman, you go into solitary.”

“How long?”

                Kirstein shrugged, “It depends on how long the Warden thinks you deserve it.”

 

 

 

 

 

  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, for now :) 
> 
> Thanks to all of you who give Kudos or comment... even if it's just a thumbs up- it really fuels the motivation :)


	6. Soft hearts, electric souls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's in solitary confinement for instigating a fight with Erwin Smith and gets two visitors.  
> Some reveals, progression in the present relationship  
> And alllllll the feels in past-life memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've been so patient for waiting for this update! February is such a dreaded time for teachers with final assessments and reports- just thank you so much! This is a monster of a chapter (20-some pages), and I intially thought of breaking it up- but you've been so good to me I thought- to hell with it- so you get it allll! (I apologize in advance- this chapter is completely unbeta'd!)
> 
> And thank you for your continued support & commenting of this fic- it means such a great deal to me that you're taking your time in turn to read and give props! It's a fun story to tell, mixing present and past and I have it all mapped out and ready to go, just need to keep finding the time to do so. 
> 
> This chapter was inspired by P!ATD's House of Memories (it fits sooo well with this fic and if you're not familiar with it, definitely check it out!)

I take back everything I said about this place being not so bad. The upper floors were fine; solitary, on the other hand, was a special place in hell reserved for one, Levi Ackerman. It was too small to lay down (which is saying something considering my stature), and besides, you wouldn’t want to since they had neglected to equip the room with anything reasonable. It was all dirt floor; not like there’s dirt _on_ the floor, but that the floor was legitimately _made_ out of dirt.

 

And no urinal. Just a corner of the room that looked a little worse for wear than the others. I kept breathing through my mouth because that corner will also have to become the vomit corner if I take a solid whiff.

 

I had no idea how much time I’d spent in solitary before I heard footsteps coming down the hall from the open service hatch at the foot of the door. At first, I tried keeping track, counting to sixty in my head and then drawing a scratch on the dirt floor to the left of where I sat. I gave up after ninety-eight minutes when a mouse scurried through the hatch, startling me and sending me back over the scratches I had made.

When a pair of shiny boots finally stood before the hatch all I could think was “ _Lord please let it be time for me to go- I’ve learned my lesson, I won’t pick another fight with anyone, just please let me out of this shit hole_.” I guess it wasn’t meant to be though; next to release, I supposed Hanji would suit me just fine.  

 

“Hey Shorty, how’s solitary treating you?” Their face was pressed against the floor on the other side of the door; I could see part of their nose protruding onto my own side.

 

“It’s fucking peachy, Four-Eyes. Get off the floor, it’s disgusting, you parasite.” It was making my own skin crawl, itch and feel grossly contaminated. “How long have I been here, do you know? How long am I staying?”

 

They didn’t get off the ground, but sounded like they were settling themselves in a more comfortable position, on their stomach perhaps. “Well, Kirstein said you were in here about two hours before I saw him ten minutes ago… When you weren’t in your assigned cell I assumed…”

 

Just over two hours? It felt like days, but without the gnawing need for food or drink. The nicotine craving on the other hand was in full force, which paired with the filth anxiety put me more on edge that usual. “You assumed what?” I snapped.

 

“Jesus, Sweetpea...just that you got yourself into some kind of trouble. Why did you pick a fight with Erwin Smith of all people? Not only that, you humiliated his lover? Are you crazy? Do you have a death wish?”

 

I got up off the ground, careful not to touch it as I did so, then leaned against the door so i couldn’t see their stupid enthusiastic face as they continued with their inquisition.

 

“Hold on, was it because he did something in your past life? Is Smith something to you? But if he is, and I am, and Jaeger is, how are we all here... together? No way that’s a coincidence!”

 

Finally, they were talking sense! It’s exactly what I had thought, except that they didn’t know I remembered Mike, Mikasa and Jean, and in the bank, Armin and Connie, and that officer outside was Sasha wasn’t it? It was most certainly not a coincidence that we’d all ended up in the same town, more or less mixed up with prison life or law enforcement, excluding Armin and Connie, of course.  

 

“I dunno, Shitty Glasses, we can talk about it if you want though...” I began and they took the bait.

 

“Great, let me get out my pad and p-”

 

“After,” I interrupted, knowing that if I hadn’t, they would get lost in their own lunatic ramblings and not listen to a word I said.

 

“After when?” they whined.

 

“That really depends, did you find my mom in her home?” There was no way we were taking a stroll down my memory lane if they hadn’t held their end of the deal.

 

“Er, not exactly...”

 

“Then no deal, Hanj- Wait, what do you mean, not exactly.” Panic took over and I dropped to my hands and knees to get a look at the freak’s face, pushing my hand through the open hatch, grabbing them by the collar and bringing their face closer to mine.

 

The physical contact made them beam, “I didn’t see your mom in her home, because she wasn’t in her home.”

 

Letting go of their shirt, I got back up and kicked the door. Fuck!  Where was mom? Kenny would be behind this. Just another way for him to fuck with me. He had to know it would get back to me, especially if he had paid for Petra and Gunther’s bail… Asshole! He was going to pay for this the moment I got out.

 

“Hey, Little Guy… don’t freak out, I can hear you pacing.” Hanji said, their face still on the ground. I hadn’t realized that I’d been pacing until they mentioned it. “What I meant was that when I saw her, she wasn’t _inside_ your home.”

 

“Jesus Fucking Christ, get on with it, Shitty Glasses. She can barely walk, did you find her dead in the stairs or in a fucking dumpster or… or…” I said through quick, shallow breaths, feeling as though I couldn’t get enough oxygen in my lungs. Is this why it had taken them so much time to come back? Did Hanji have to have her admitted to the hospital? Damn it, I had so little savings at this point, I definitely didn’t have any money for that…

 

“What I meant was that she wasn’t _IN_ your home, she was being carried out-”

 

“Who the fuck by?” a new wave of anxiety rolled over me, “Give me an exact description you Four-Eyed Freak, right fucking now…”

 

Hanji laughed. How were they not taking any of this seriously? If we weren’t being separated by this door, I’d have them up against the wall, spilling their guts.

 

“Well, let’s see...tall, very handsome, dimples when he smiles, brown shaggy hair, has taken to wearing it up recently, bright green...”

 

I turned the words over in my head: tall, handsome, dimples… brown...green…

 

“Oi, fuck off, Hanji. Stop playing around!” I finally said pinching the bridge of my nose.

 

“Oh, stop being so melodramatic, Levi. You have nothing to worry about; I checked Kuchel out, she was a little malnourished, but don’t worry, we’ve fed her. She was in good spirits when I left to get her medication. When I came back, he was reading to her, then I helped wash her, checked the rest of her vitals- which are all good, or as good as can be expected given her condition. We weren’t going to leave her there, at your home, she’s in a much better place now.”

 

I sagged against the wall by the door, finding it nearly impossible to support my own weight as my legs became weak with flooded relief. Mom was okay, was out of that shit hole, but where… “Wait, Hanji, who is this _we_? Who’s reading to her? Where is she?”

 

“Geeze, Levi, _who do you think_? Do you go out giving your home address to just anyone? Your hunk of a prison guard that’s who…”

 

“E-Eren?” I stammered. “I didn’t, he doesn’t have my…”

 

“Well, he must have gotten it somewhere. He’s well connected, with the Warden and all… Anyhow, when I got to your mom’s place, he was carrying her out. I think he feels really shitty about getting you… I mean, because you’re here and you can't…” And there it was; Hanji was keeping something from me. They always rambled when they had some juicy tidbit they didn’t want to share.

 

“Stop babbling, okay? Jesus Hanji, you still know how to make shit more awkward than necessary.” I shut my eyes, trying to picture it; Eren, strong and lovely carrying my sick mother. The very thought of it warmed me, made my eyes sting. Suddenly my surroundings, while still dirty as fuck, were more tolerable. “Is my mom, where is…”

 

“She’s staying at Eren’s place. It’s pretty posh and he’s even given her his bedroom. She’ll be okay, really there’s nobody more dependable...”

 

“I know that,” I muttered.

 

“But Levi, there’s something else… it’s not bad, don’t panic...”

 

“What’s that?” I asked kinder than I’d been to the doctor since they’d returned running this crucial errand for me. I felt bad, all they had done since our meeting in this life was help me even though they didn’t owe me a thing, didn’t have a single memory as a reason to be nice.

 

“Your mother, Kuchel, she knew me right away. Knew my voice. Levi, she’s very lucid considering her condition… I wonder if it’s genetic, you remembering that is. I didn’t want to press her for details, of course…”

 

I let Four-Eyes carry on. I had been completely right though, reincarnation took over her obsession with the Titans. Still, the news about mom was disheartening; the thought that she might possess her past memories, how shitty must that have been for her? What does that say to a person, that every life they live, all they’re worth is a fuck? And why weren’t we learning from our past lives? Mom should have gotten a new job this time around, used protection to not get pregnant with me or to contract Syphilis…

 

“... Erwin Smith mean something to you?”

 

“What?” I asked, being pulled out of my reverie.

 

“Erwin Smith. They say you attacked him unprovoked, there must be a reason behind this, a past-life reason? God Levi, you don’t want to go picking a fight with him, he’s like the video game Boss you defeat at the end of the level- you need to work your way up.”

 

“Yeah, I knew Smith. You could say that I owed him,” for a lot of things, though I didn’t say that out loud.

 

In the silence that stretched (which was a miracle since Hanji was nearby), I heard them move away from the door. I was half tempted to beg them not to leave; the solitary room was too quiet for my brain now that I had so much to think about. A week ago, this might have been nice (in a cleaner location mind you) - I could have used the quiet and the rest. Now my mind was overflowing with memories, guilt, grief. I didn’t want to be alone with it.

 

“Hey Hanji, you’re not leaving are you?”

 

“No, Sweetums, I’m just getting a pen and pad out of my bag. It’s your turn to fulfill your end of the deal.” I heard them shift onto the floor next to the door and start scratching something on paper. What a double-edged sword - I didn’t want to be alone, but I didn’t particularly want to talk about my past life. One option was worse than the other, so we talked about Erwin Smith.

 

About how he and I met, about our expeditions, our _bromance_ … When Hanji got into psychoanalysis mode and wanted to get into why I had picked a fight with the monster of a man, I found I didn’t want to discuss our mutual demise. I didn’t want to dwell on it again, and Hanji had taken it almost as bad as I did back then; except that I got to become withdrawn, more surely than usual, whereas they had been obligated to take on a role nobody wanted.

 

But over the years, I had amassed a good amount of things about Erwin Smith that had pissed me off, so coming up with another reason to attack the big bastard wasn’t all the difficult. Other than his demise, the one that stuck out the most was probably my first physical meeting with Eren. No, not when he was tied up, but when he was in the courtroom. So that was the reason I gave them.

 

I told Hanji about how while Eren was tied to the metal pole, on his knees in front of everyone, Erwin leaned in and told me that on his signal, I would have to go down there and beat the shit out of this poor kid who had already been traumatized by the loss of his home and family. As if that weren’t enough, he’d somehow managed to turn into some monster and that had made him public enemy number one in most people’s eyes.  

 

“ _Are you fucking kidding me, Eyebrows? No,” I shook my head, “look at him, it would be like kicking a fucking puppy.”_

 

_“You have to Levi; it’ll save his life. If we can’t convince Zackly that we’re capable of keeping him under control, the MP will vivisect him.”_

 

_“Fuck you, you do it then.”_

 

_“He’s not in love with me, he won’t forgive me. He’ll resent the Survey Corps, but not if you do it.”_

 

_“Tch, asshole, he’s not in love with me. I’ve barely said two words to him.”_

 

 _“That’s not what the rumors are say. He has a serious case of Hero Worship. It has to be you, and it has to be NOW.”_   _I felt him push me forward, hard. I fell over the railing and managed to nail the landing so I didn’t look like a total fucking idiot._

 

“The look in his eyes, Hanji. It nearly killed me.”

 

“Erwin’s?”

“No shithead, keep up. Eren’s. He knew, the kid put everything together instantly. I saw it just before my foot connected with his face. I always teased him for being dim, but when it mattered, Eren always knew. He was, he is intuitive. I knew after that moment that he was something special, not only because he could become a monster.”

 

They got really pensive after that. I could still hear them writing and then they sucked on something (presumably their pen) and seemed to be doing some serious thinking. I was done talking for the time being. God, talking about either Erwin or Eren was putting me in a worse mood than I needed; I had the fucking nicotine cravings to do that.

 

“Okay, Levi. I think that’s enough for now. Once you’re out of solitary, I’d like to run a couple of MRIs, maybe one where we distract you, play some porn or something, and then the second while you’re talking about a past life memory. I’m interested in seeing if various parts of your brain are active when...” they trailed off, probably mentally tabulating other tests they’d want to run on me.

 

I nodded, realizing too late that they couldn’t see me, “Yeah. Sure, whatever Hanji.”

 

“There’s something else… I shouldn’t be telling you this, it could cost me my job…”

 

“Out with it already,”  

 

“You’re going to be summoned, to the courtroom on the first floor. Things might get a little, um, familiar for you. Just go with it, please. For science.” What the fuck did science have anything to do with… wait...

 

“Is Eren going to…”

 

“I’ve said too much. Gotta run, toodles!”

 

  And with that, I saw them wave their hand through the hatch and they were gone. I should have asked again if they knew when I’d be let out. Or at least when this courtroom thing was happening.

 

But I hadn’t and now I was alone again. Sinking back onto the ground, right beside the door, I tried not to imagine everything that had been done in this room to pass the time. When it got too quiet, I shut my eyes and started humming to myself; the tune wasn’t completely unfamiliar, my mom had played it around our apartment quite a bit, but i’d never really paid attention to the words. I knew the string progression of the cello pretty well though, so I focused on what the singer’s hands might look like strumming the instrument.   

 

The rumbling of my stomach interrupted the melody; honestly, I don’t know what I had been expecting only having had a small container of milk and a snack-sized packet of Goldfish in the past day or so. I rubbed my belly unconsciously trying to sooth it, confused about how I could actually even feel the least amount of hunger in this room. A distraction was sorely needed, from everything: the solitude, the smell, and the hunger pangs, so I fixated on the fatigue, slight tightness of my chest, and light-headedness that often accompanied nicotine withdrawal.

 

The steps coming down the hall were also a sufficient and welcomed diversion. They were measured and slow, had some weight to them, were definitely different than Hanji’s uncoordinated ones, but didn’t have the key jangling that would indicate a guard was coming to set me free. They stopped outside the my door, but then backed up. I heard whoever it was set something on the ground and rummage through a bag. The sounds of rustling plastic filled the hallway, though whoever was there made good work of not making a sound to give themselves away. When a small envelope was pushed through the hatch, I grabbed it and examined it as the rustling continued outside the door. With controlled ferocity, I tore it open, peered inside then flipped it upside down. Three foil packages fell onto my lap.

 

“What the actual fuck?” I breathed. Condoms? What kind of joke was this? As if i could get it up in here! As if there’s anyone in here worth…

 

“Not impressed by the gift or the size of the gift?” Eren’s voice came from the other side of the door. Sure enough when I took one between thumb and forefinger, I noticed XS printed in big bold letters. Fuck, as if someone who was XS wanted a big bold reminder of their inadequacies.

 

“Fuck you, Jaeger. I’m short in height, not _small_.” True story.

 

“Calm down Levi, this is what I meant to give you,” he said pushing another envelope through. This time when I opened it, there were similar sized packages; but when I read the label, my hands started trembling and the temptation to lick the damned things was palpable.

 

“Um, thanks,” I muttered embarrassed, ripping open the first package as I stood. I took off my shirt, held it between my teeth and stuck the first patch on. Sighing in relief, I ripped open another. “How many of these can I safely put on without overdosing, Jaeger?” my muffled voice asked.

 

“Um, uh, I dunno Levi, best only to have one, okay?” Eren stammered. I fully intended on getting back at him for the small dick joke, so I kept tearing them open noisily, only to put them back in the envelope for a later use.

 

“Well, I’m on my third, you better have your keys ready, Eren.” _Rip_ , another one open. The brat had given me ten of them. “Four, oh my god, that feels so gooooood Erennnnnn,” I moaned in my tiny cell, the echo making it sound more erotic than it actually was. _Rip_ . _Rip._

 

“I don’t have my keys, the Deputy Warden was instructed to take them away from me. Apparently, someone figured I would be coming here for a visit and didn’t trust me.”

 

He was sulking. I could hear it in his voice. _Rip_ . “D-don’t...sulk… b-brat…” I pretend stuttered. _Rip_. “Ahhhhhhh…”

 

“Levi, stop. Take them off, don’t put them all on. God, I can’t get in there if…”

 

“Hey, hey, Eren… should th-the waaaaalls be quivering? Like shaking? No, they’re dancing! The walls are doing the Macarena! Or is th-that me?” I kicked my feet on the ground to mimic the sound of clumsy dancing and it took all my restraint not to burst out laughing. He was pacing the hall and I saw small puffs of dirt come through the hatch every time he came close enough.

 

“Levi, stop. No they’re not supposed to dance! Shit, Fuck. Levi, take them off!” Eren was pulling on the door but it wouldn’t budge. The rattling of metal also bounced off the walls and the sound echoed down the hall. “Levi Ackerman, answer me!”

 

As much as it pained me to do it… I slumped over, regretting it the moment my side hit the dirt floor, making sure my fingers went extended into the hallway side of the hatch. I felt the air flutter at my fingertips the moment he sank to his knees nearby and then a warm hand tugging at my fingers. A smile spread across my face as i could hear Eren panicking on the other side, squeezing my hand. The moment he loosened his grip, I made a grab for his shirt like I had Hanji’s, except that this time I heard a head collide with the door.

 

“Ouch.”

 

“That’s for the small dick joke, Jaeger,” I chuckled, getting up from the ground and dusting off my prisoner scrubs.

 

“I guess I deserved that. But please just set the record straight- you have how many patches on right now?”

 

“Just one, you moron. Why are you even here?” I said wondering if Eren was going to be modest about rescuing my mother.  

 

“Actually, I come bearing gifts…” Eren’s words were accompanied by the rustling of the same bag I had heard earlier, “but I don’t think I should give you any of them. You might hurt yourself.”

 

Gifts? What the hell did present day Eren Jaeger have for me? In the past, Eren’s _gifts_ were not usually the kind that you could pocket, or hold on to; more often, they were deeds, or some _very nice_ gesture. He had always been giving in the past, to me and to fucking humanity, and we probably didn’t recognize or appreciate it as much as we should have.

 

“What are you on about, brat?”

 

“I brought you some food, apparently you didn’t eat much of it at lunch, or you spilled your soup or some shit, so I brought you some more…” A white bowl on a tray made its way through the hatch.

 

“Mother, fuc-” but I caught myself half-swear; instead, the bowl was filled with a cut-up chewy protein bar, small cubes of cheese, a handful of red grapes, small carrots and a mini buttery-scented croissant. He brought this from home, they didn’t serve this kind of gourmet stuff in the klink.  “Jesus Eren, again with all the small stuff…”

 

The moron just laughed, “N-no… that’s a complete coincidence, I swear, I just thought… I mean, you seem a very tidy individual… I made sure to pack you food that wouldn’t leave a mess.”

 

I swallowed, truly touched. I’m not sure how he had come to that conclusion, but I could only hope that it was a subconscious memory. The grapes I popped into my mouth were fresh but tart, firm yet juicy and taking the time to appreciate their taste bought me time from having to say something; i knew my voice would be huskier than I wanted it to be.

 

“Thanks, brat,” I said finally, his mouth dry, “this was nice, you wouldn’t happen to have a-”  hand came through the hatch and two juice boxes were held out. We sat there in relative silence as I ate my way through the bowl of stuff. There were so many things I wanted to ask him, that I really didn’t know where to start.

 

“Give me the bowl when you’re done, I have a few more things…” _A few more things?_ What could he have possibly brought? I finished off the rest of the food and the two drinking boxes, put them on the tray and pushed it back towards Eren.

 

“Okay, Levi, you have to promise me, _promise me_ , that when i give you what’s wrapped in plastic that you WILL give the plastic back to me and not use it to suffocate yourself.”

 

“Tch, brat, come on…”

 

“ _Promise me, Levi_.”

 

I rolled my eyes. “Fine, I promise, alright?” What could he have wrapped in plastic? Why would he have wrapped something in plastic?

 

Whatever he had brought, he was having a hard time getting squished through the hatch. It definitely didn’t fit, and I could see Eren’s hands trying to mold the soft package and push it through. “You could help by pulling, Levi.”

 

“Right.” So I did. It was flexible, supple, wrapped up in an opaque green garbage bag and easily the size of my torso. “What is this, brat?”

“Just open it, but give me the plastic bag back right away,”

 

I felt bad hearing the apprehension in Eren’s voice. Maybe I had taken the nicotine patch prank a little too far. “Why not just give me the item without the plastic bag if you’re so concerned?”

“Eh? It’s just, I dunno, you seem to have this thing about cleanliness; I figured you wouldn’t want what’s inside getting dirtier than it had to be.”

        I ripped off the tape that secured one end of the package, slid my hand inside and pulled out a folded plush green blanket that smelled strongly of the familiar scent I had come to associate with Eren.

“I, I don’t know…” I sighed shallowly. I didn’t know what to say to about a blanket that he had wrapped up so that it wouldn’t drag along the surface of the ground. I held it in my arms, brought it to my face to breathe it in with an increased tenderness for the guard who stood less than a foot away.

“And here,” his hand pushed through the hatch again with a rolled up orange bundle. I took it, confused because I was already wearing the standard issue prison pants that I now held in my hands. “I figured you might have been on the ground and that it might bother you, so here’s a change of scrubs before you sit back down on the clean blanket. No point in having you dirty it with the scrubs you have on now. Change and pass them back to me. Here’s the shirt…”

A prickling sensation in my eyes caused me to blinked surreptitiously. I couldn’t even find my voice to thank him for his consideration. How did he know? He must remember. He has to remember. This was proof wasn’t it?

 

“Eren, why did you…”

“I’m not sure,” he said cutting me off. This time his voice didn’t hold its signature playful teasing, he seemed as legitimately confused as I was. “I suppose Hanji told you that I went to get your ‘ma?”

“She might have mentioned it in passing…”

“Listen, I’m sorry, Levi. For getting you in here. I had no idea you were, that you had other… I was following orders. And your place, it’s immaculately clean, I thought it might be as much for you as your mom…”

        I sagged under the weight of the realization that this is how Eren knew I had a _thing_ about dirt. He didn’t remember at all; and yet I couldn’t find it in myself to be completely upset, about this or about being in prison. I mean, I missed mom, was concerned about her well-being, but without whatever cooked up plan Eren had followed, it had brought me to him. I just couldn’t figure out how to get us from having re-met to getting back to where we were.

        I changed out of my grubby scrubs, spread the blanket on the floor and getting to my hands and knees, gave the soiled clothing to Eren.

“Thanks, Eren.”

“Uh huh…” he said taking the clothes and from the sounds of it, putting it back in the bag. “One last thing, she insisted…”

        Who insisted, who was he talking about? A third envelope was passed through the hatch and the moment it did, I recognized mom’s familiar script. Her penmanship had declined since she’d gone blind, it was a little larger than her usual and didn’t follow a straight line, but it was undeniably hers.

“I didn’t look at it, I swear. She even sealed it herself.” Eren added.

        I didn’t answer, I tore the envelope gently, making sure not to damage what was inside. Despite trusting Eren, my protective instincts towards mom led me to examine the letter for any signs of stress left on the page- torn parts, rumpled paper, dried tear stains. Nothing. Of course, there was nothing. The letter was written on lined paper and some parts were more difficult than others to read since her writing often went off the page. Had Eren been looking over her shoulder as she wrote, he most likely would have redirected her writing.

_Levi,_

_I’m fine. Eren is taking car_

_me. He’s always such a ni-_

_boy. I hope you remem-_

_because it will make thi-_

_experience less difficult_

_you. Eren doesn’t reme_

_It comes back to each one_

_of us in different ways. Gi_

_him time._

_I love you,_

_Mom_

I read and re-read the letter, filling in the blanks as best as I could. I grinned imagining Eren’s poor table having newly inherited partial words in blue ink and then his reaction to being asked to play mailman to deliver her message. Clearly mom was okay, feeling comfortable enough to have asked him.

“I…” Damn it, I was never good at this. Not then, not now. Back then, my go-to was to just blow Eren as a way of saying thanks, maybe let him take what he wanted, as roughly as he wanted to, making it harder to ride horses the next day. And at this point, I was so grateful for his help and his gifts that I almost wished there’d been some kind of glory hole dug into the wall.

I heard Eren settle in next to the door, “You don’t need to say anything, alright?” I clutched at that sentiment as though it were a lifeline and nodded knowing full-well he couldn’t’ see me.

I settled on the blanket, exhausted from having my ass kicked by today’s memories and anxiety. I curled up on the soft fabric, for once okay with my small stature, and stretched part of the blanket through the hatch so I could rest my arm on it. The moment my hand breached the opening of the hatch, Eren grasped it in his, the gesture was both familiar and intimate as was the heat that radiated off the touch. I let my hand lay limply in his while he rubbed small circles on the dorsal part, then massaged my fingers one at a time, kneading the knuckles with pressure and obvious affection. When he started thumbing my palm, I felt a tingling heat shoot up my arm, and the warmth spread through me, making my eyes heavy. I only remember lacing my fingers through his as my breathing evened out.

 

Come to think of it, I didn’t always say thank you with a oral sex. There were distinct times (although few) that despite my awkwardness, I managed to say thank you without resorting to fucking.

 

It had been a long ride, at least a couple of days. And the ride was probably the most enjoyable part of the journey given I had spent the past seventy-two hours by Erwin’s bedside, working, since the giant asshole refused to take any time to recuperate after having had his fucking arm chewed off by a titan.

 

Still, there had been plenty of things to get done; one of those things was to get my next Special Operations Squad up and running since we would definitely be met with some challenges soon. I had missed the freedom and complexity of running an independent squad and was looking forward to being able to do it again. Enough time had gone by since the Forest of Big Ass Trees, and while their memories weren’t fading, the guilt I felt towards the loss of my original squad was becoming more bearable, in part because of Eren.

 

This squad was going to be different- not that the last one hadn’t been insanely talented, because they were. This one though, brought with it a greater variety of skills: Mikasa was a terrific soldier, the best, really; and if someone had to be a mother hen over Eren, I’m glad it was her. Kirstein was an incredible leader and was quick to think during battle. Arlert on the other hand was pretty weak soldier-wise, but his brain rivaled Smith’s, so he was good to have around, probably helped keep Eren in check too. Braus and Springer were a formidable duo and reminded me of Petra and Oluo in the way that they fought so in sync. I knew the Braus girl was a little wild, but her hunting skills were legendary among the Survey Corps, and those kind of instincts were good for both food and titans alike.  Krista was slightly better than Arlert when it came to fighting, but followed orders flawlessly.

 

And then there was Eren. He was slightly better than average when it came to fighting, and his Titan powers were great, but I was just really happy to have him close by, he made the death and gore bearable, and kept the insanity and hopelessness at bay.

 

I rode faster just thinking about the brat, wondering what he had done for the past week while the squad was setting up lodging at a secure location. Maria, if those slackers spent the day at the nearby pond fucking around, they were all getting a beating. Going by Erwin’s maps, I should be there shortly after sundown, so maybe another hour.

 

Erwin’s maps were wrong. I got to the shabby two story house about four hours after sundown. I saw it a short distance from the pond, where I dismounted to let my horse get some water and once it had its fill, I walked it over to the small newly built stable to rest. I grabbed my bags and headed towards the house, hoping nobody was up since I was not in the mood to socialize. Worried about the shit that might not have been done in my absence, I started mentally tabulating the chores: clean the shitter, wash main floor, empty the eves, dusting, re-clean the shitter, make sure there are no rodents, set up sleep lodgings for everyone, re-wash whatever dishes were available because they probably weren’t done right the first time, clean shitter again.

 

From what Erwin told me, there should be two bedrooms: one a master with a bathroom (that was supposed to be mine and Maria help anyone who decided to take it), while the other held ten single beds. I couldn’t tell which was which from the outside since the whole house seemed asleep. I would have to try to find my way through the dark which shouldn’t be too difficult since I had stumbled my way through that damned castle for years. All I wanted to do now was go in, find Eren, kick out whoever was in my bedroom, drag the brat to bed, kiss him, taste him, devour him. Just had to re-claim him as my own, make sure he knew I missed him.

 

I opened the door with a creek and winced at the sound. The moment I was through the threshold a pleasant scent made its way to my nose. It was the kitchen, that much I knew, since I walked into the huge fucking harvest table in the centre of it. The smell of fresh baked bread mingled with the freshness of some citrusy smell (no doubt reserved for cleaning). Dishes were stacked on shelves, lavender had been cut and placed in makeshift vases here and there around the kitchen.

 

Someone was hunched over the table and I grit my teeth hoping not to wake them. I made my way to the adjoining room, some sort of parlour with a couple of sofas and a few chairs. Some books were stacked on a shelf, and a small fire rumbled in the hearth, keeping the house a comfortable temperature. I went to stoke the wood to keep it going and was impressed by the lack of ashes and mess the area seemed to lack. Even as i walked across the creaking floor,I didn’t feel the characteristic grittiness that made taking steps on a dusty surface a cringe-worthy affair. Someone had taken care to sweep and thoroughly.

 

Going up the stairs and down the hall with my bags in hand, I was met with a sign nailed (NAILED) to the door that read “KEEP OUT! CAPTAIN LEVI’S ROOM!” I chuckled and pushed the door, half expecting to see Kirstein’s naked form on my bed, just as a pure act of rebellion against Eren. Once that thought of revulsion ran its course, a more desireable thought of my favorite Survey Corps member, splayed across what smelled like clean linen that had been hung out in the sunlight took center stage in my mind. All long limbs, lean and defined muscles, shaggy brown hair covering his face, lips slightly parted. And naked. He would be naked, he didn’t need any blankets, even on a cool summer night like tonight, his inner titan kept him sufficiently warm. My cock throbbed at the very thought and I moaned under my breath as I pushed open the door.

 

Empty. I deflated, watching the curtains blow lightly against the soft breeze that came in through the small crack of the window. A candle had been lit by the bed, and like the fire downstairs, it was nearly done with the wax having overflowed its container and run down the  bedside table on which it sat. On the small dresser, another vase of lavender. I dropped my bags next to the dresser and started pulling out clothes to hang them and to put away the few items I had brought from the Capital for my favorite brat: honeyed soaps, liqueur and cream-filled chocolates, some herbal teas for us to share and a new book for us to read at night.

 

I went to what could only be called the dormitories across the hallway and peeked in. The sounds of grinding teeth, flatulence and sleep-mumbling filled the room, but I couldn’t find the familiar soft snores I came in to find. I walked down the middle aisle (since the brats had seemed to have separated the room in two, males on one side, females on the other), trying to find my sleeping monster among the boys. I found Kirstein and Springer easily enough, but with only one more body on the boy’s side, I started wondering if I had missed Eren altogether in the master bedroom, until that creepy little shit, Arlert opened one eye.

 

“He’s downstairs in the kitchen, Captain,” he whispered. I nodded in thanks, and the blonde turned around to get comfortable again.

 

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do…” Kirstein followed, and I heard Mikasa growl and Connie chuckle.

 

“Go back to bed, shitheads,” I ordered. Nobody got out of bed or talked afterwards.

 

Of fucking course Eren would be in the kitchen, the brat probably tried waiting up. How many days had he expected me? How much work had he put into cleaning this place, making sure it would be to my liking? Heat flushed my cheeks; he must have worked so hard. Must have been teased mercilessly by his peers, probably got into a few fights over it too. Eren put up with my neuroticism, never complained about it, actually made the annoying trait seem endearing. I bit my bottom lip, Eren always knew what to do and I sure as fuck didn’t deserve him. He deserved someone with fewer issues, less of a rough past, someone younger, more flexible.

 

And a blowjob wouldn’t be enough this time. No, I needed to bring my A-game tonight. It had been on my mind for weeks now, and after all the shit we had gone through recently, it would have to happen tonight.

 

I went back to the master and took out some of the fancy soap, grabbed a soft green blanket that had been put at the foot of my bed as well as some chocolates and put them back in my satchel. I took off my gear, laid it over the chair, took off my cravat and dress shirt, leaving a no-sleeve undershirt and my pants, but making sure I had my knife in case I needed it.

 

I made my way downstairs to the kitchen, knowing, KNOWING that despite how clean Eren had made the new headquarters, he wouldn’t have taken the same time making sure he was as spotless. By the time I got to the kitchen, Eren had turned his head, and it was clear now that he had been the figure sitting at the table. His right cheek leaned against the table, part of his hair covering his face, the rest pushed back by a white cleaning bandana (MY white cleaning bandana) and his arms were spread across the table.

 

I walked up to him, kissed his forehead and sure enough, he smelled of cleaning product and a little bit like the sweat that wasn’t so much odor, but distinctively Eren. He didn’t move, his eyes didn’t even flutter; poor kid was probably exhausted from having spent the past week cleaning. I slid my hand under his face and gently pushed him back into the chair. Dead to the world, that’s what this kid was. I pulled the chair back, got in front of it and picked Eren up, cradling his stupidly tall form in my arms, then made my way back to the door that lead outside.

 

Once the sleepy brat’s face came in contact with the cool breeze he curled in towards my chest, nuzzled my neck and draped an arm lazily around my shoulder. “Levi… Welcome home,” he said sleepily. The sound of his sweet slumbersome voice had me giving his body a squeeze as my lips found his forehead again; I really didn’t realize how much I missed this kid until he was in my arms like this.

 

“Missed you kid. You clean that whole place just for me?” I asked, my voice shaky with sentimentality.

 

“Mhmm… you like?” I felt his cheek lift against my bare shoulder. I nodded and brought his hand up to my mouth and kissed the back of it, dragging my lips over each dip between his knuckles and kissing each peak. He turned his hand and I kissed his wrist, grazing my teeth there and his breath hitched. “Mmm… are we going to your room?” he asked as we neared the pond.

 

“Not exactly, love,” I said with a chuckle. He was still too sleepy to realize that a. We hadn’t gone up stairs or b. We were outside. “You’re too dirty from cleaning, you need to wash up first.” He opened his eyes in time to see the wicked grin on my face, before I held him at a distance and threw him into the pond.

 

As he splashed, sputtered and tried to regain his balance in water that couldn’t be any deeper than his chest, I took my own clothes off, got the soap out and held it tightly in my hand. When he finally recovered his composure with a mixture of incredulity and amusement on his face, I cannon balled next to him, my ass not at all liking the sea weed as it made contact at the bottom.

 

When I came back up, he was standing there smiling, soaked through and through, hair pushed back (bandana lost somewhere in the pond), lashes clumped together, and clothes clinging in the most desirable ways imaginable. “This is the thanks I get for working my ass off? I get tossed into water with no warning while I’m half asleep and getting hard.” He palmed his crotch, looked down at himself and then met my eyes. “It was hard, I swear, but this water is cold as fuck.”

 

“Excuses, excuses kid… It’ll get better once we get used to it,” I said moving in on him, suddenly voracious as I admired the way the cold had made his nipples stand out against the shirt that adhered to every curve of muscle that it looked painted on.  

 

“Yeah, but did you have to toss me in _with_ my clothes on?”

 

I barked a laugh, “They were almost as filthy as you are!”  

 

“But nowhere near as filthy as your mind, old man.” He came closer and made to reach for me, but I put up both hands in protest.

 

“Let’s get you clean first, then I’ll show you how dirty I really am.” Fuck! I didn’t mean it, I take it back… _I will not jump Eren tonight, I will not jump Eren tonight._ His eyes widened with unmistaken interest as his hands grabbed my hips under water and pulled me forward. I showed him the small slab of soap I had in my hand and a grin spread across his face, so white against his dark skin in the night. The moon glinted off his sparkling eyes, making them seem bigger and brighter.

 

I eyed his shirt and nodded, indicating that he should get rid of his clothes (oh, this was such a bad idea!) and he complied, grabbing the hem of his shirt, pulling it up, slowly, seductively, giving me a smirk. Sly fox.

 

“You’re killing me, brat!” I slapped his hands away, and took the hem myself, making sure my hands ran over the hard dips and ripples of his taut abdominals. Eren bit his lip as he looked down at me predatorily. Did he have any idea what he did to me? I was so horny for this monster that my cock was currently defying the laws of thermodynamics, getting rock hard despite the cold, bobbing and aching between us.  

 

 _This night is not about getting laid, this night is not about getting laid_ , I repeated like a mantra. When Eren’s shirt finally came off with a squelching noise, and I was sure I hadn’t removed his key necklace I tossed the shirt ashore and admired this new view. The brat though, had different ideas, as he moved in once again, and breathed hot onto the skin of my neck.  

 

“Did you think of me, while we were apart?” he crooned huskily, fingers finding my cock underwater and running them around my very prominent crown. Of course I had thought about him, had damn near embarrassed myself half a dozen times during boring meetings when my mind vividly reconstructed images of Eren beneath me as I rode him, or Eren tied to my office chair as we experimented with orgasm denial (and failed spectacularly at it). I had even left Erwin’s bedside after he had fallen asleep to go give it a tug in the washroom because I kept thinking of those big green eyes looking up at me from between my legs.

 

I licked my lips taking him in, from slicked back hair to smooth tanned skin, “Kid, the only time I’m _not_ thinking about you is when I’m slaughtering titans, and even that’s iffy.” My pulse sped up and my fingers latched onto his pants, pulling the fly apart a little too harshly, eliciting a sweet, shy moan from the beautiful boy before me. Once undone, I thumbed the band of his pants and winked at him. He stood even closer, and as he did, I felt the water slosh against my shoulders and up my neck.

 

I held my breath and ducked under the water, to pull on his pants, shimmying them down past his thighs, below the knees and then came up for air.

 

I panted, not at all used to having to hold my breath under water - and Eren cut me some slack by toeing the rest of his pants off and bringing them up above the water to throw them onto his shirt, underwear included. He closed the distance between us and his dick brushed up against my stomach. Tall bastard. Wrapping his arms around my back, he pushed our chests to tightly together that I could feel his blazing skin over his ribcage expand against my own.

 

“Not yet, Eren,” I all but growled. He smirked and looked down at me again.

 

“Then hurry up, Captain. I haven’t seen you in a week,” he purred, rolling his hips into mine; proving that the crisp summer evening breeze and cold water had zero effect on his ability to get hard.

 

“Tch, you brat,” I said in mock outrage, gently disentangling myself from him. I took the cream-coloured bar of soap in my hand and laid it flat against his sternum, rubbing small circles against his hairless chest. A content little sound broke his lips, and a smile stretched across mine. I ran my thumb over his still erect nipples, resisting the urge to pinch, pull and bite them because I knew how much Eren adored nipple play. _Stop! You’re letting your dick call the shots_ , I chided myself internally. As soon as the lather built up, I spread it across his pecs and shoulders, my hand trailed upwards, to his neck and I pushed his head back as I continued to spread the soap against the little hairs that had grown in the past few days since Eren had shaved. My thumb ran over his Adam’s apple and when he giggled, I felt it vibrate against my fingers.

 

He lowered his head, and placed a kiss on my head as I continued lathering him up, the scent of honey permeating the space between us. I washed behind his ears and then bought the soap to his hair.  He pulled me closer still and our chests slipped against one another with the soap that had accumulated. The honeyed slab was getting smaller, so I made quick work of lathering up his shag when Eren’s hand cupped my ass then groped it.

 

“Damn it Eren, I’m trying to get you clean.”

 

“And I want you dirty, Levi,” he growled in my ear, getting soap on my cheek as he did so.

 

“Patience,” I hummed, pressing my fingers hard into his scalp, massaging it. “Close your eyes so you don’t get any soap in them.” He did as he was told, and then still holding my ass with both hands, he lifted me up, his dick running across the length of mine as I settled over it and wrapped my legs around his torso.

 

Once I was done foaming him up, he  advised me to “hold my breath,” and took us under, dropping to his knees and popping back up. I gasped and didn’t have time to catch my breath before his mouth was on mine, hungry and demanding. We were all teeth and tongue and I pressed into him with more force, grinding myself against him. This is the exact moment where my brain officially conceded defeat to my dick.  

 

I detached myself from his mouth, only to find my way to the shell of his ear, “I love you, love you so much, Eren.” I couldn’t get him close enough, I wanted us to be one, in every way possible.

 

“Mmm… Me too. Don’t leave for that long again…” he begged, dragging a long finger between my ass cheeks, teasing and circling my hole. My toes curled painfully and I clung onto him, chest heaving, cock aching and heavy with want.  

 

“Don’t want to brat,” I said taking his face between my hands as the nails of his unoccupied hand traced intricate patterns on my back, “Most important person to me, ever.” I mumbled against the skin of his shoulder, biting and sucking the skin there, leaving a series of marks that wouldn’t last much longer than our bath.

 

Eren whined, then stopped teasing my ass as I saw him reach out for something nearby from the corner of my eye; when he brought his hand back, he had a water lily and he tucked it behind my ear.

 

“Tch, you brat, you know how to destroy a mood.” His hand had now gone back to holding an ass cheek in each hand, supporting me, weightless in the water.

 

“You love it,” he said teasingly, now keeping our chests at a distance. I shivered at the breeze and tried to get closer to his heat, he held his forearm against my chest to keep us apart, while the other hand let go of my ass, found my cock, squeezed the base and pulled upwards.

 

“Ahh… Eren…” I moaned holding onto him, feeling his large hand rub up against both our stomachs as he stroked my dick slowly, tightly. “We shouldn’t do this in the water, b-brat… Ah… it’s disgusting…”

 

He didn’t listen, at least not right away- which was so typically Eren. Instead he kept pumping my cock, setting a consistent pace, the warmth of his hand working against the cold of the water. I felt powerless to stop him, since he had decided to drag us deeper into the centre of the pond; neither of us could touch bottom at this point, but at least the brat could swim, so he kept us afloat.  

 

The sound of the water slapping against our skin, the chirping and whirring of insects in the distance barely concealed the sounds I was making either out of complete abandon or mouthing at his neck, his jaw and his lips. I felt the heat building up at the base of my length and drove my shaft harder into his hand, wanting the friction- needing it.

 

“Come on, baby… let me feel you all over my hand,” Eren commanded in a guttural tone. I could, I was so close, so fucking close. My ass clenched in anticipation, my balls tightened and I knew I was a few strokes away from...

 

“No,” I mumbled on his lips, “Eren, stop, this isn’t what…”

 

He pulled away, squeezing my dick below the head, putting a stop to everything, “You’re sure you want me to stop, Levi?” He cocked an eyebrow and he was absolutely, infuriatingly edible at this point. Fuck, I loved him so much, felt my body would explode from the intensity of it and I literally had no idea how to convey that to him when I craved his body  all the damned time like some horny eighteen year old.  

 

“Yes,” I panted, “Stop. Please.” A crease formed between his brow to show his displeasure.

 

“Very well then,” he said pouting as he took us back to shallower waters. Shit. It wasn’t meant as a rejection. Didn’t want him thinking I didn’t want him, or that I wanted someone else. Shit, fuck, shit.

 

“Eren, it’s not…” I stammered.

 

“It’s okay, Levi. You must be tired after your long-”

 

“It’s not that, Eren. I mean, I _am_ tired, but that’s not it.” Then what the fuck was it? How did you tell someone you just wanted to be sweet with them, be intimate with them, without _being intimate_ with them? How does that not become misconstrued into lack of desire, or uninterest?

 

Eren deserved better than just to be told he was lovely and remarkable; deserved better than to be shown that with just fucking. He deserved a commitment. Something to remind him of how devastatingly important he was. I could do this. I would do this.

 

His head was in the crook of my neck as he brought us near the shore and I let myself fall onto my feet in chest-deep water. He let go, resigned, and I took his hand and led him out.

 

I grabbed his sopping wet clothes and hung them on a nearby branch (that I could actually reach), then came back to grab my bag and his hand and to lead both under a giant Sequoia that stood feet from the pond.

 

I was shivering from the cold, as usual, _he was not_. “Stupid titan powers,” I grumbled as I watched a smile tug on the corners of his lips. I spread the blanket before the tree, leaving enough of it for my ass to sit on.

 

“Come here, Eren,” I said through chattering teeth, “I need your warmth, we all aren’t freakishly warm like you.” He obliged, sitting between my thighs on the green blanket, my erection long gone due to the wind and continuing guilt over my lack of selecting appropriate words that wouldn’t have wounded Eren’s pride.

 

“Lean back,” I urged him as I leaned against the tree. I wrapped the blanket around us, riding out my shivers until Eren’s warmth spread all over my body.

 

“Mmm…” was all he said as the last bit of tension that had claimed his body after my not-so-subtle rejection had left. I nuzzled the back of his head, breathing in his hair, feeling the slickness of his wet strands against my face, committing both to memory. Without the dizzying distraction of his hand on my cock, I could properly take in how serene our surroundings really were. Full moon reflecting off the water, illuminating the lush foliage of daylilies, sage and tall grasses. The sounds from earlier were more easily heard now that my heart wasn’t beating behind my ears and the synchronized flirty flashes of light the fireflies gave off only intensified the romantic setting in front of us. I stuck my hand out to the right, where I had lain the bag and took out the small box of chocolates. I held it in both hands in front of Eren.

 

Eren turned his head to look up at me, obvious glee in his eyes and I kissed his forehead. “Have at it, kid. I got them for you.”

 

“You love me so much,” he said taking an ornate one with a swirl at the top and popping it into his mouth.

 

“You have no clue,” I replied resting my cheek against his head. I felt the weight of his hand as it reached into the box again, and then a third time.

 

“Um… Did you want any, Levi?” I smiled. I knew there was only one left.

 

“I said they were for you, didn’t I?”

 

“I know, but…” He grabbed the last one, and brought it up to my lips. I took it between my teeth, and with my hand tilted his chin, to share it with him. When I felt his nose brush up against mine, I took a bite and backed up, creamy strings of caramel hanging between us. Eren closed the distance between our mouths again, making sure to get the caramel before it dripped onto either one of us, and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips. “Is there _anything_ I can give you?”

 

The look of mischief on Eren’s face was unmistakable as was the emphasis he had put on the word _anything_. I knew exactly what he meant, and I wasn’t going to let him talk my dick into hijacking my plan.

 

“Actually, there is… but it’ll be tricky. And I need for you to promise me not to shift.” Eren turned around to face me, his body covered in a slight sheen of sweat from having been draped by both the blanket and myself.

 

“What are you…”

 

“Just listen, otherwise I’m going to chicken out…” He sat on his feet between my legs, his hands hot against my thighs. “So, I love you, you know that right?” His mouth opened to say something and I covered it with my hand, “no, don’t interrupt, please or I’ll lose my nerve.” Eren nodded. “I love you brat and I didn’t fight it as much as I should have, and by the Walls, you deserve much better than the hand you’ve been dealt in this life. And I know what the government says I am to you, I know what’s on paper… I’m your guardian, I’m supposed to protect everyone from you; but I want the opposite. I want to protect you from everyone, I want to comfort you when you’re sad, I want to show you that you’re more than your critical role in this war, I want to see you old and grey so that I can tease you about your grey hairs and the lines around your eyes… I want _that_ kind of commitment on paper, Eren.”

 

As expected, Eren wore his emotions plainly on his face; his eyes welled up with tears and overflowed, running down his cheeks and dripping off his chin. I took his face in my hands, and kissed his damp cheeks, “Okay, so I don’t have a ring. I thought about it while I was in the Capital, Eren, I really did. It’s just, it felt like it was not so compatible with you shifting and all. So um, here’s what I’m going to do, to stay bonded to you…”

 

I swallowed once, twice, and brought my hand to my face. I kept my eyes on him, even though behind them, I could see the not-forgotten faces of Petra, Erd, Gunther and Oluo doing the same thing. I straightened my hand and saw the horror in Eren’s eyes, as i bit down harshly into the meaty part by my thumb. Fuck, It hurt! How did this kid keep doing this to himself without flinching. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I kept my face straight as I pulled my mouth away from my bleeding wound, blinking the tears out of  my eyes.

 

“Levi! What the fuck! Why are you….”

 

I took his hand and brought it to his mouth, “A bond… I want you in my body, in my blood. You have to do it as well, just… no shifting okay, brat?”

 

Eren nodded, his eyes more determined than I had ever seen before and as I heard the crunch of his teeth on his skin, I winced. Damn it, hadn’t I just thought of how painful it was for this kid to keep doing this to himself? Why on earth…

 

Eren pulled his hand away from his mouth, and I knew I should be disgusted by what we were about to do next, all that saliva and bacteria and blood… I shook the disgust clear from my mind, took his hand and pushed his wound against mine.

 

We sat like that for minutes, not saying anything, just appreciating the depth behind the commitment we knew we had just made.

 

“Um… Yeah, so uh…” Eren stammered.

 

“We’re bonded brat. No matter what anyone else says… Once the war is done, we’ll get it on paper too,” I said kissing his nose.

 

I’m not sure what I expected of Eren, that he would jump me the moment I had proposed, or the moment he had accepted, but he didn’t. Instead, he went back to leaning against me, wrapping my arms around his torso, and in a very short amount of time, content little rumbles that reverberated deep in his chest turned into gentle snores.

 

I never fell asleep. Instead I watched as the sun started coming up, illuminating Eren’s toes, then his knees, his thighs. I felt more serene, more complete than I had ever felt. I spent Eren’s sleep time, salting up his hair with my happy tears, whispered things in his ears that he probably never noticed or would ever remember; but I would. I would remember it all, made a promise to myself to remember every single moment with him.

 

When the sun had nearly completely risen, I got out from behind him, then picked up him and carried him back piggy-back style, naked, but covered with the blanket.

 

When he woke up, it was not to the carefully arranged vase of lavender he had put on the bedside table of the Master room. No, Eren blinked and woke with a start, holding onto a hand through the solitary confinement hatch. It was Levi’s hand, but with a distinctive, yet faint scar around the fleshy part of his thumb. Had what he had seen in his head been a dream or one of his many delusions? He let go of the hand, and backed away, quietly, slowly. He took his bag of stuff and made his way back down the hall. He would need to get help and soon.       

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We meet the Warden in the next chapter! :) Should be up in a couple of weeks! 
> 
> Thanks again for your continued support, kudos & comments!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for taking the time to read. 
> 
> I'll be adjusting the tags as I go on, I have a start point, and an end point in mind, but I really am not sure what i'm doing in between. So make sure you keep an eye on those tags- I'm seriously not trying to offend anyone. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated!


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